"And before that?" she demanded. "What about the other six long weeks before your surgery when you refused to meet up with me? When you ignored me. What's your excuse for that?"
"I wasn’t ignoring you."
"Yes, you were!"
"No, I fucking wasn’t. I just couldn’t get –" snapping my mouth shut, I shook my head and forced myself to hold my tongue.
Do not fight with girls, I reminded myself.
You'll never win.
They'll twist your words.
"You weren't giving me what I wanted," she continued to torment me by saying. "You weren't giving me enough attention! All those award ceremonies and balls in Dublin last year and never once did you invite me to go," she hissed. "You never wanted me there."
"Because you were never my girlfriend," I countered, throwing her earlier words back at her.
"Because you never asked me to be your girlfriend, Johnny," she spat.
"No, Bella, because you never wanted me," I shot back. "You only wanted the shiny part of my life. The fame. You were never interested in the real part. The real me."
"That's not true!" she argued.
"Why don’t you just tell it straight, Bella," I hissed, losing control of my temper. "You fucked off with Ryan because you thought I wasn’t going to be match fit. You saw I was out on injury, you thought I wouldn’t make it back in time for the summer campaign, so you went after the next best thing just to be safe."
She blushed.
I knew it!
"Ask me now," she urged, closing the space between us. "Ask me to do all those things and I will."
"I don’t want to ask you," I bit out, unhooking her arms from around my neck.
"Johnny, come on," she sighed. "Don’t be like this."
"Go on back to Cormac," I deadpanned, thoroughly disgusted. "And pray he makes it up the ranks in The Academy so he can take you to all those fancy awards parties you want to attend. He's you're only shot at getting there now, Bella, because we're done."
"I was hurt, Johnny," she strangled out. "I got with Cormac because I wanted to hurt you back."
"Hurt me back?" I balked. "For what exactly? Getting injured? Being stuck on my back for weeks while you rode my friend behind my back? Messing up your chances of fancy fucking dinner parties?" I shook my head and sneered at her, regretting touching her with every fiber of my being. "Jesus, I'm an awful, inconsiderate bastard."
"For ignoring me," she hissed, cheeks turning pink. "For using me."
"Me using you?" I balked. "Yeah, because that's what was happening."
"That's how you made me feel, Johnny!"
"Then I'm sorry!" I snapped back, striving for patience in the eye of this girl-induced, mind-fucking shitstorm.
"You have to have feelings to be sorry, Johnny," she retorted. "And you are heartless!"
Keep the head.
Take it on the chin.
And then get the hell away from her.
Inhaling a calming breath, I exhaled slowly before saying, "Bella, I am sorry if at any point I made you feel ignored or used. That was not my intention. I sincerely apologize for my lack of heart and feelings and wish you nothing but the best for all your future endeavors with my teammate. Now, if you don’t mind, I am tired of going around in circles with you and have actual shit to do."
I moved for the door, but she grabbed my hand again, pulling me back.
"Wait – are you with someone else?" she demanded, squeezing my hand. "Is that what your problem is?" Her eyes widened. "Oh my god," she exclaimed. "You are, aren’t you?"
Jesus.
What the hell had I been thinking messing around with this girl?
"No, Bella, I'm not with anyone else." Yanking my hand free, I shook my head and released a frustrated sigh. "But I'm not with you, either. And I won't ever be with you again."
"I've heard rumors, Johnny!" Bella pressed, ignoring my words. "About you and the new girl in third year. I heard you beat up Ronan McGarry because of her. And I saw that picture of you with her in the paper."
"That's none of your business," I bit out through clenched teeth as I struggled to rein in my temper.
"Come on, Johnny," she challenged. "You never had me in any pictures with you for the media and I'm the longest girl you've ever been with. What's the story with her? "
"None of your bleeding business," I spat, fresh out of patience. "Christ."
"Why were you fighting with McGarry over her?" she demanded. "Why did Cormac tell me you warned all the team off her?"
"I'm not doing this with you," I warned, shaking my head. "Not anymore."
"Stop dodging the question, Johnny," she hissed. "If you're with another girl then I have the right to know."
"I already gave you a fucking answer," I snapped, done with this bullshit. "You're the one who can't seem to listen."
"You're lying! I can see it in your eyes!" she screamed, loud enough to wake the dead. "It's written all over your face, Johnny. Something's going on with that girl."
"You need to get a handle on yourself," I said, tone laced with disgust. "This is pathetic."
"Fine," Bella sneered, looking wholly enraged. "If you won't tell me, I'll ask her." Smiling darkly, she added, "Shannon – that's her name, right?"
Yeah, fuck that.
"You'll stay the hell away from her," I whisper-hissed, aware that we were within hearing range of the office.
While Dee wouldn’t cause any trouble for me, I didn’t fancy my chances if Mr. Twomey came out and saw I was having problems with another girl.
"Whatever shite that's going on between us has nothing to do with Shannon."
"What's the matter?" she taunted, pushing every one of my buttons. "Afraid I'll find out something you don’t want me to?"
"I mean it, Bella," I snarled, feeling a surge of anger rise up inside of me. "I'm not fucking around here. Keep your distance from her."
"Well," she mused, eyes narrowed. "Look who's showing emotion now."
She was absolutely right.
I was showing emotion.
Because I cared.
I cared a great deal more about a girl I barely knew than I ever did Bella.
It was warped, and confusing, and completely fucked up, but I did.
Instead of admitting this terrifying new development, I said, "Leave. Her. Alone."
And then I did what I should have done the first time I laid eyes on her.
I walked away from Bella Wilkinson.
"I'm going to make you so sorry for walking away from me," she called after me.
"Believe me, I'm already sorry," I called back. "Sorry I ever went there in the first place."
Furious, I stormed away from the girl that seemed to be hell bent on making my life a living hell.
Loaded with bitter regrets and burning anger, I rounded the corner of the main building feeling like I was two seconds away from breaking something.
Unfortunately for me, that something turned out to be a girl.
Not just any girl.
Shannon.
24
I'm taking you home
Shannon
I always knew when there was a storm brewing at home.
I could always sense it.
It was like a sixth sense of some kind, warning me and alerting my body to danger and pain.
All day during school on Friday, I had the most gut-wrenching feeling of dread lodged in the pit of my stomach.
That sensation of dread followed me all day long, and no amount of deep breathing or calming exercises could shift it from my heart.
It was so severe, so potent and transparent, that I was actually afraid to go home.
Wednesday night's antics hadn't helped matters.
It was a night that consisted of my parents screaming at each other so loudly that the Gardaí came to the door, having received an anonymous call about a disturbance of the peace.
My peace.
Because I made the call.
Because I was afraid he would hurt her.
Furious with my mother or not, I couldn’t bear the thought of him knocking her around downstairs while I hid in my bedroom like the coward I was.
Joey was once again staying with Aoife, and I wasn’t nearly big enough or brave enough to save her myself.
Thankfully, my father hadn't laid a finger on Mam, and once he had convinced the Gards that his wife was having a pregnancy related tantrum, he left for the night.
Of course, he returned yesterday morning with a bunch of flowers and a promise to never do whatever the hell he had done this time again.