"Sorry, folks, but Mr. Kavanagh is only allowed one family member to stay with him outside of visiting hours," a female nurse called from the doorway, both startling me and saving me from having to respond to Johnny's statement. "If you're all family, you can rotate," she added. "There's a family room on the third floor, but I'll have to ask three of you to leave."
"I'll stay," Mrs. Kavanagh announced. "John, you can take Shannon and Gerard for some breakfast. I'll give you a call in a couple of hours."
"Listen, I have to go," I whispered, turning my attention back to Johnny, heart still hammering in my chest. "I'll try and come back later before the bus leaves, okay?"
"No, no, no," Johnny groaned, holding onto my hand with both of his. "You said you wouldn’t leave me."
Oh, god.
"Johnny, I know, but I have to go," I whispered, flustered. "It's family only."
"She's my wife," he announced then, blowing my mind clean open.
"Johnathon Kavanagh," his mother snapped. "Stop this right now! You'll scare the girl."
"What are ya talking about?" Johnny slurred. "I’m not scaring her. I love her."
"Johnny, I'll come back," I coaxed, exhaling a trembling breath. "I promise I'll come back, okay?"
I tried to pull my hand free from his, but he wouldn’t let go.
He was shaking his head and looking up at me with big, wide, high as a kite eyes.
"I have to go," I repeated, feeling completely torn. "I'm so sorry."
"I'll come with you," he announced, and then proceed to use one hand to rip at his wires.
"Stop that," I ordered, capturing his rogue hand with my free one. "You'll hurt yourself."
"I want you," he groaned, pulling at my arms. "Just you."
At a loss, I glanced up at his parents who were watching our little wrestling match.
Mr. Kavanagh simply shook his head and led a snickering Gibsie out of the room.
"I'll go," I promised Mrs. Kavanagh. "I just need to –" my words broke off when Johnny wrapped his arms around my waist and clung to me.
"You are a lizard," I muttered in despair, feeling his mother's eyes on my face.
"Take the lights away and stay with me, Shannon like the river."
"I'm so sorry about this," I strangled out as I tried and failed to free myself from his hold. "I'll just be a minute–"
"Stay with him."
My gaze snapped up. "Huh?"
"There's no point in agitating him," she stated quietly, gaze locked on her son, who was currently nuzzling my stomach. "If you feel comfortable staying with him, Shannon, then you can stay."
I didn’t want to leave him.
Not back in the changing room at Royce.
And not now.
Not ever.
Nodding slowly, I whispered, "I'll take care of him."
"Okay, then." Mrs. Kavanagh sighed heavily. "I'll be back in a bit."
And then she turned around and left the room.
"You are in trouble with me," I told Johnny once the door had clicked shut, leaving us alone together. "When you're back to your senses, we're going to talk about what you just did."
"I don’t care," he slurred groggily. "I got what I wanted."
"And what was that?" I asked. "To embarrass your mother?"
"You," he slurred. "I got you."
Oh, god.
My heart.
"Johnny, you're saying strange things right now," I breathed.
And you need to stop.
Because it hurts.
"Look at that face," he whispered, staring up at me with a peculiar expression. "I'm gonna keep you."
"Okay." Relenting to his madness, I coaxed him to lie back on his pillow. "You can keep me."
Sitting beside him, I leaned forward, rested an arm on one side of his head, and stroked his cheek with my free hand.
His hands were still wrapped around my waist, but not so tightly now.
"Close your eyes," I told him softly. "I'll be here when you wake up."
"Tell me you love me," he pleaded.
"Johnny –"
"Tell me."
Inhaling a steadying breath, I whispered, "Johnny, I love you."
"Thank fuck," he groaned, exhaling loudly.
"You won't remember this," I added shakily. "But I will."
Which was the only reason I was telling him my truth.
"I love your tits," he informed me then.
"You haven't seen them."
He nodded solemnly. "I have."
I shook my head. "No, you must be thinking about someone else."
"I’m only ever thinking about you," he replied. "Only you."
My heart.
My poor, poor heart.
I didn’t stand a chance with this boy.
"And your pussy." He closed his eyes and groaned. "I saw that, too."
Yes.
Yes, he did.
Oh, thank god he didn’t say that in front of his parents…
"It's mine."
"What's yours?" I asked.
"You." He sighed and tightened his hold on me. "And your perfect, little pussy."
"Johnny," I breathed. "You can't say things like that."
"Touch my dick."
"No, Johnny, I'm not touching your dick."
"Are you sure?"
I chuckled. "I'm sure."
"But you will, right?" he asked, looking forlorn. "Someday?"
"Someday," I whispered in his ear. "I promise."
He smiled up at me with this adorable, drunk expression.
"Gimme a kiss," he purred.
Shaking my head, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.
"Don’t leave me," he groaned then, face contorting in pain. "I'm no more good…but don’t go?"
"What?"
"I'm…broken."
I shook my head. "You're not broken."
Johnny groaned as if he was in pain.
"No more…rugby," he slurred and then shook his head.
"It doesn’t matter."
He nodded solemnly. "It does."
"Look at me –" I tilted his face to mine. "Johnny Kavanagh, open your eyes and look at me."
With a great deal of effort, he did.
I waited several beats for him to focus on my face before I continued.
"You are worth so much more than rugby." I kissed his lips because, quite frankly, I had an issue with inappropriate kissing when it came to this boy. "If you never picked up a rugby ball for the rest of your life, it wouldn’t matter to me."
"I think I need you for keeps," he slurred.
"I think I need you for keeps, too," I confessed.
"You are so pretty," he slurred. "That very first day. Boom."
"Boom?" I giggled.
He nodded solemnly. "Boom."
"Listen, I'm going to go and sit in the chair right next to your bed," I coaxed as I tried to untangle myself from his wires and slippery hands. "So you can get some sleep."
Johnny shook his head and pulled me closer. "Sleep with me."
"Johnny, you're just after surgery," I sighed. "You need to rest."
"If this is love, then it's you," he replied, dragging me down to lay beside him.
"Huh?" I asked as I slid onto my side and tried my best not to poke at his legs.
"You," he mumbled sleepily, dropping a heavy arm around my shoulders.
"Me what?" I whispered as I placed my hand on his stomach and snuggled into his side.
"You are love." He sighed contently. "Stay with me."
Always.
"I'll stay with you," I whispered, feeling more in this moment than I could handle.
"Who's making you sad?" he asked then, voice slurred and sleepy. "Tell me, baby."
"Nobody, Johnny."
"You lie and it hurts my heart," he groaned, tightening his hold on me. "All those marks. It hurts when I know someone's hurting my Shannon."
"Johnny –"
"Who's hurting you, baby?" he slurred sleepily. He yawned loudly and then sighed. "I'll fix it."
"It's a secret," I breathed, feeling my body shake.
"I won't tell," he whispered.
Inhaling a trembling breath, I clenched my eyes shut and pressed my lips to his ear. "My father."
I waited several beats for him to say something.
He didn’t.
When I opened my eyes and looked at his face, I realized why.
Johnny was asleep.
67
Plan B
Johnny
Everything hurt.
My balls.
My legs.
My dick.
My head.
I felt like I had been mowed over by a freight train.
There was pressure on my chest.
Something wasn’t right.
And I could smell coconuts?
And then I remembered.
It was over.
All my hard work.
All the years of relentless, grueling training sessions had been for nothing.
Because my body quit on me.
And now I was broken.
Jerking awake, I snapped my eyes open, feeling panicked and close to the edge of a nervous breakdown.
For a few moments, I stared at the ceiling, just absorbing the devastation washing through my heart like a tidal wave of destruction.
Inhaling several deep breaths, I moved to sit up, only to flop back down when I noticed the small frame curled up on the bed beside me.
Holy shit.
"Shannon?"