‘I needed something to keep me busy – before your cottage came along, of course. I find painting very therapeutic.’ He watched her studying the pictures. ‘Since I’ve been back I’ve noticed just how different the tones of daylight can be – in Australia it’s all yellows, here it’s much more about blues and greys.’
At the mention of his other life, Grace was reminded of all the questions she still wanted to ask. ‘So why are you here? Did you think it would help you to come to terms with your divorce if you sorted out your relationship with your mother?’
‘Not really,’ Ben said. ‘There’s far too much unspoken between me and Mum. We’re both pretty fixed in our beliefs. To change to the extent that we could even have a rational discussion would require a degree of strength that I’m not sure either of us possesses.’ He hesitated. ‘I’m pretty sure she knows I lied about starting the fire – but it was convenient for all of us if I were the guilty one. I wanted an excuse to get out of there; and they needed to believe that their little girl wasn’t capable of it …’
‘Oh my god. Jenny started it?’
‘Yes – although I don’t think she meant to burn down half the house. I’m not sure what she was doing. The first I knew was when she shook me awake. She was beside herself in the chaos that followed, but I persuaded her that I should take the blame.’ He noticed Grace’s expression. ‘Don’t feel too sorry for me, Grace. I wasn’t particularly easy to be around back then. I’m sure everyone breathed a sigh of relief when I went, my sisters included.’
‘But I don’t get it – if you’ve always known that you and Meredith were unlikely to work things out, then why did you decide to live here again?’
‘I came back for my dad.’
Grace looked at him in confusion.
‘Jack is my dad, Grace, not Ted.’
In the ensuing silence, Grace willed herself to open her mouth and say something, but she couldn’t find the words.
‘Are you beginning to see just how tightly the Blakeneys have wound their very tangled web?’ Ben’s voice grew darker as he added, ‘After tonight I think that Claire and I are probably the result of my mother’s revenge affair.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘Because I went into our house one day when I wasn’t meant to be there, and heard my parents screaming at each other – Mum and Ted, that is … In fact, now that things are clicking into place, it might have been around the time that Adam was staying with his grandparents – that could have been the reason for their fight. But the bit I overheard was Ted saying that he was bringing up his brother’s bastards, so what more did she want?’ He took a large swig of his drink. ‘… I went off the rails a bit after that. I planned to tell Claire, but Dad was always really good to my sisters, and I didn’t want to break her heart – so I never have.’
‘She doesn’t even know now?’
‘No.’ Ben sighed. ‘It’s complicated. Jack won’t acknowledge that we’re his. The one time I tried to broach the subject he got really angry and upset – so I’ve never brought it up again. Men around here don’t discuss their deepest feelings – they’re pretty much incapable of it. But I think he moved to the village to be nearer to Claire and me …’
‘But how did he get along with Ted?’ Grace asked. ‘Surely they would hate one another after that?’
‘I’ve come to the conclusion that the most important thing for my family is appearances. As long as everyone else sees what they want them to, and they can avoid anything that makes them too uncomfortable, it doesn’t matter what has really gone on, or who is getting hurt along the way. Jack was always invited for Christmas, and the rest of the time we just bumped into him now and again. He keeps himself to himself anyway, he loves his birds most of all … He was never any threat. I can’t imagine what Mum saw in him – they’ve never done much more than be civil to one another while I’ve been around. As I said, perhaps it was just an opportunity to get even.’
‘So how have you been getting along with Jack since you got back?’
‘Oh, I go and see him every day, check he’s all right, say hi to the birds, then we carry on with our lives.’ Ben put his glass down. ‘But I’m glad I’ve been here for a while to be able to do that. It’s meant I’ve also had time and space for reflection – there’s nothing worse than feeling lonely in a crowd of people. At least now when I head back to Sydney I might be able to pick myself up and begin enjoying life again.’
Grace knew immediately what he meant, but was still choosing the right words with which to respond when he added, ‘It’s been great having you here, Grace … It’s like you know me without me having to explain. Perhaps in another lifetime, in different circumstances …’
A brief ache ran through her. ‘Perhaps …’
Their eyes locked. Then the moment passed, and Ben glanced away.
‘I should go and try to get some more sleep,’ Grace murmured.
Ben hesitated. ‘Actually, there’s one thing I want to mention to you before I lose the chance. It’s about Millie. I think something might be bothering her.’