‘You mean you left him down there and he wasn’t even dead?’ Ben cried, horrified.
Meredith looked at him. ‘I didn’t leave him anywhere,’ she snapped, her tone sliding closer to panic. ‘I didn’t even look over when I went and got the baby – I couldn’t bear to – and I didn’t hear anything while I was there. It was your father who did the rest. He tagged on to the search party that went to the top of the Leap, tramping his boots through the mud so that when they found Adam it wouldn’t look odd that he’d been there. Then after the search was called off, Ted went back to find out what had happened. Two things had changed when he came home that day. First, he was clearly heartbroken – so perhaps Adam really did fall by accident, as Ted never once said he pushed him –’
‘Stop … stop …’ Grace jumped up, Millie startling in her arms. She fought the urge to run from the room, wanting to hear everything that Meredith had to say, however terrible. After so long, she needed the truth. A sob rose up and threatened to engulf her. ‘How can you talk about his heart breaking …?’ Her voice cracked on the words.
‘What else had changed, Mum?’ Ben asked. ‘You said there were two things.’
‘His face was haunted for the rest of his days.’ Meredith spoke in a soft, shivering whisper. ‘Whatever he saw down there, it never left him. Even after the stroke had robbed him of his faculties, right to the end, he still had that same terrible look in his eyes.’
Ben came over and put his arm around Grace. ‘So where is Adam now?’
‘Ted buried him where he found him. We stayed up all night deciding what to do for the best. He was talking about going to the police, but I persuaded him not to. What would be the point of more lives falling apart? I kept reminding him of what it would do to the girls. So at dawn the next morning he took everything he needed and drove the car towards Skeldale, parked up on the roadside and walked over the moors to the Leap. You can get to the bottom of it that way, but it’s a long hike. He didn’t come home till after dark. And the next morning we carried on as normal. Neither of us ever spoke about it again.’
‘Adam’s still at the bottom of the Leap?’ Ben sounded incredulous.
‘Yes.’
Grace was overtaken by a sudden vile rush of nausea. She remembered Annabel talking about the Leap. Sitting nearby on Christmas Day, looking towards the spot. Standing on the precipice tonight. And all that time, Adam was down there, in the ground.
A great wound deep inside her began to claw at itself, tearing her open and digging deeper and deeper, hollowing her, until she was empty from the inside out. Up to this moment she had sometimes allowed herself to imagine him coming through the front door, throwing his arms around her, making it all right. But now he was lost forever. She could picture his easy smile, could well remember the deep vibration his voice made if she pressed her ear to his chest, and the concave space where her hand nestled between the muscles there. She still knew the solidity of him, his warmth, his breath, the place where his cheek merged from softness to sandpaper as his stubble grew. Now, as horror flooded her, she imagined that same body beneath layers of earth, the leeched lifelessness of it, the decay. Numbing shock began to edge its way along her limbs.
She closed her eyes and gripped Millie tighter. Hold on, she told herself. Just hold on to Millie. Yet she felt her body begin to sway until Ben’s strong hands reached out and caught her, guiding her back to a chair.
‘Tell me the rest,’ Grace said, her eyes still closed.
‘I’ve told you all I know.’
‘No.’ Grace opened her eyes and glowered at Meredith. ‘I want to know about the book I found open on my bed. The damn clock stopping and starting. The word written on my car … You obviously still have a key to this place.’
Meredith paused, which told Grace all she needed to know. ‘That clock has been known to stop at three a.m. on occasion. Connie and Bill talked about it for years – Bill always found it a great joke, it was his heirloom. Connie hated it … As for the rest, they were only minor things. I didn’t know what else to do. From the moment you got here I was terrified that this would all come out eventually, unless I could get you to leave … and you seemed unnerved by the ghost stories.’
Grace was going over everything else that had happened. She realised how close she had been to abandoning the cottage without putting all this together. Would she have been better off that way? It didn’t matter now.
‘Grace,’ Meredith said, interrupting her thoughts. ‘I know I’ve played a part, but I don’t know what else I could have done. I was desperate to protect my family. All I’ve ever wanted was to try to shield my children from having to bear the consequences of such horrific mistakes.’