“Yeah, must have.”
“Are you doing okay? I know things have been pretty crazy around here lately, but you know you can come to me if you ever want to talk.” It’s times like this that I just want to scream at him. It’s not his fault. He’s had a lot going on in his life the last few months, but it still hurts to know that someone so close to me, has been completely blind. I want to scream for all the times I needed him, but he was too worried about Izzy. All the times I needed him, but he was too busy falling in love. I know it’s not fair to pass any blame onto him, but for someone who knows me better than most of our other friends, he doesn’t know me at all.
“I’m fine. Just going through some stuff, that’s all.” I plaster on my perfectly practiced, ‘I’m on top of the world’ smile, and wait to see if he can see past my mask.
God, I’m so sick of this mask.
He looks at me a beat before he shakes his head. “I’ve been a shit friend lately. I know that, but it’s no excuse. You might be able to fool the girls, but I’m on to you, Dee. I wouldn’t have even noticed if it hadn’t have been for that little breakdown I saw. And before you flip the hell out, no one else saw it. When I saw Beck had you, I cleared the kitchen and kept them out of the back hall. You don’t want to tell me what’s on your mind? Tough. We’re talking, and we’re talking soon.”
I’m thoroughly shocked when he basically stands there and scolds me like a child. What the hell is going on today? No one, not a single one of these people, has noticed anything at all ever since I first crashed and burned. They didn’t notice when I slipped so far past the level of okay. They didn’t notice when I thought about taking my own life. And, they didn’t even notice when I started trying to drink away the fear.
Not a single one of them, except for Beck.
“Can we please just forget about it for the day? Let’s not let my issues be the dark cloud on your son’s birthday. Please, Greg.”
He gives me a look of sympathy before holding his arms open. I walk into the familiar, comforting arms of one of my best friends, and take the support he’s offering.
“And don’t you dare mention Cohen’s little wiener story,” he says against my temple. “You had your laugh, but damn, Dee, that little kid was born with an internal cockblocking sensor. I’m just now living down the last time that Cohen told the group about him seeing Melissa ‘hugging Daddy under the covers’.”
I start laughing again, and just like that, my mood lifts slightly.
“My lips are sealed, but G, you might want to consider getting a deadbolt or something more secure for your bedroom activities.” I laugh even harder when I notice he’s really considering my comment. “Come on, you freaking weirdo, let’s go have a birthday party.”
The rest of the party passes with laughter, presents, and a few tantrums, all of which are from Coop when we tell him that he can’t drive Cohen’s new, kid sized, four-wheeler. I swear that man is just a child trapped inside a grown man’s body. When Sway offers to hug it better, Coop shuts his mouth real quick.
“God, I’m so glad those kids are gone,” Melissa says as she drops down onto Greg’s lap. “But I’m definitely not ready to clean up this mess.” She laughs before laying her head against his shoulder. I watch as Greg subconsciously tightens his hold, never once breaking his conversation with Axel and Maddox, and brings his palm up to rest on her adorable belly.
“That was an unbelievably long day. Even Nate crashed before his lunch, and that boy never misses a meal.” Izzy laughs, shaking her head a few times.
I look around the room and take in my ‘family’, getting lost in my thoughts again. It seems like just yesterday that our Greg, Izzy, and Dee trio turned into this big, loving family. Even at my darkest, I think I knew that these guys wouldn’t hurt me. Just the opposite, they would protect the women in their lives to the extreme. I didn’t always think that, but they have proven themselves over and over again. It still stings when I think about how well my protective mask hides my pain from every single one of these people I love… well, all but one of them.
That one person who is currently looking at me from across the table without hiding a single one of his emotions. Nope, not John Beckett. He’s looking at me like he always does. With love, longing, and complete rapture.
Jesus, between my issues with the company, my screwed up head, and my heart that beats for just one man, I can’t even tell which way is up anymore. With a mental note to make an extra appointment with Dr. Maxwell this week, I shake myself from my checkout and focus back on the conversation around me.
“… in concert next month,” Emmy says in her soft voice. She’s looking right at me, so apparently, I’ve missed something.