“Yes!” Noah cheered. “Can we, Grandpa? Can we?”
Andrew smiled indulgently at his grandson. “You got it. Let’s get this show on the road.”
Andrew guided the boat away from the dock and far enough from shore that we could set the tubes in the water. Noah was already in a life vest, but before I could jump into the deep blue depths of Sutter Lake, a voice sounded from right next to my ear.
“Let me put this on you.”
I turned to see Walker standing all too close and looking way too tempting. I took a half step back to gain some distance. “I don’t need one. You know I’m a strong swimmer.”
His jaw hardened. “Being a strong swimmer won’t help you if you get knocked unconscious.”
I rolled my eyes. Always such an alarmist. First, I was going to get mauled by a cougar while on a run. Now, I was about to sink to the bottom of the lake because I didn’t have a life jacket on. Geez. “All right. Gimme.” I reached out a hand. He didn’t pass it off to me.
“I’ll do it. Make sure it’s secure.”
“Because I can’t tell if a life jacket’s fastened?” I sniped but turned around so that he could slip it over my arms.
The combination of the rough material and the graze of Walker’s fingertips had chill bumps peppering my skin, and a shiver running down my spine. Walker grasped my shoulders firmly, spinning me around, and I wondered what it would feel like to have those fingers digging into my hips as he took me.
His eyes met mine, and I saw a flare of heat in them that surely matched my own. His gaze didn’t waver even as he snapped the buckles into place. He gave a quick, harsh tug on the life vest, bringing me flush against him. “Just making sure it’s secure.”
All I could do was bob my head up and down in agreement. Walker Cole had me wrapped up in a spell so strong, so intricate, that I knew it would take me years to unravel it.
I felt a tug on my hand. “Come on, Tay Tay, let’s go!”
Walker released his hold, backing away but never letting his eyes leave mine. Shit.
Another pull on my fingers. “Taaaaaaylor!”
I shook off the remnants of Walker’s grip. “Okay. Let’s go.”
Noah and I got situated on the contraption, and both of us held tightly to the handles as the tube drifted away from the boat. The farther away we got, the more my nerves kicked up. I snuck a glance at Noah, who was alight with joy and anticipation. Zero fear shone on his face.
“You’ve done this before, right?” I asked.
“Only all the time. It’s my favorite thing to do in the summer. I wish we lived at the lake, then I could go all day, every day.”
My lips tipped. If a seven-year-old could handle this, then so could I. Jensen lifted her hand in an alert that we were about to take off. My stomach dipped.
The jolt of the tube still took me by surprise, even with the warning. Water sprayed up, misting my face, and the wind sent my hair flying. We bumped over the waves left by the boat’s wake, and both Noah and I shrieked with glee. Noah was right, this was the absolute best.
Andrew made at least three loops around the lake before slowing to a stop. Walker and Jensen pulled us back towards the boat. My cheeks hurt from smiling so widely.
Walker offered me a hand to help me into the boat. “Have fun?”
“That was amazing. I want to do this every single day.”
His rumbling chuckle sent chills down my water-kissed skin as warmth filled my chest. I loved the carefree joy I heard. How could the simple sound of laughter have such an effect on me? And every single time. “Here, I’ll get your life jacket for you.”
I batted his hands away. “I think I can unbuckle myself.”
His teasing grin had me wanting to smack him or kiss him. I settled for rolling my eyes and hunkering down next to Jensen, who eyed me with a knowing look. I slapped the bill of her ballcap. “Shut up.”
Her mouth stretched wide. “I didn’t say a single word.”
“Your eyes say it all.” I groaned. Her smile only grew.
The rest of the day passed with more tubing adventures, a race across the skinny width of the lake, a picnic lunch, and lots of laughter. A sense of belonging filled my heart, something that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I just hoped it lasted.
I shot up in bed, sweat pouring down my face. I lifted a hand to swipe the hair out of my eyes and realized I was shaking. Just a nightmare. Just a stupid fucking night terror that felt all too real.
Images from the dream flashed in my mind. The boat capsizing. Me trying to dive below the water’s surface to reach Noah, Jensen, Sarah, Andrew, and Walker. But the stupid life jacket kept me from being able to dive, and each time I tried to unfasten the buckles, my fingers turned to mush. The minutes passed, and then bodies rose to the surface of the water.
I threw off the covers. My skin felt as if hundreds of insects were crawling beneath the surface. I needed to move. I needed to run and experience the pounding of my feet against the road. I needed to push my body to its breaking point and feel anything but this terror that had seized my heart.
Growing to care about this family so deeply had been stupid. Idiotic. Especially for someone who knew how badly it hurt to lose someone. I fisted my hand and pounded it against my thigh. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
I glanced at the clock and then studied the early morning sky. Five a.m.. It would be light soon. I needed that run, and I needed it alone. If I ran into a bear, I’d just spray it with my bear spray and keep right on going.
Dashing into the bathroom, I quickly splashed water on my face, rinsing away the sweat that lingered there. I grabbed shorts, a sports bra, and a long-sleeved shirt. Changing robotically, I went in search of my sneakers.