I coached myself. I promised that no matter what, I’d get through this.
The waves of emotions were strong, but I was strong, too. I had to be stronger than my feelings, stronger than those people. Sometimes there was no other choice. Life had already taken so much from me. I couldn’t allow it to take my strength, too. I smoothed my hands over my shaky body.
A few moments later, I opened the bathroom stall door. My eyes shifted around the space, and I almost had another panic attack when I saw Levi leaning against the sink.
Oh crap, don’t tell me I went in the boys’ bathroom.
This day needed to be deleted from existence. This day was nothing but shit.
I was mortified as I went to wash my hands at the sink farthest from him. He smirked and jerked his head in the direction of the hallway. “Are you okay?”
I ignored him.
“Are you okay?” he asked again.
My head tilted in his direction and even though I knew we were the only ones in the restroom, I double-checked behind me to make sure he was talking to me.
“This is the girls’ room, Levi,” I whispered. He laughed. He thought I was funny. I was actually being extremely serious.
Then he frowned slightly. “Why didn’t you say something to them?”
“I don’t care what they think.”
“Is that why you just had a panic attack?”
The back of my hands brushed against my cheeks, then under my chin. “I didn’t.”
Cocking an eyebrow, he gave me a ‘bullshit’ look. He leaped off of the counter. Before I could say anything else, two girls walked into the bathroom giggling and paused when they saw me and Levi standing there. They started to giggle again and walked out—not before muttering a nice ‘slut’ comment. Great. Just what I need.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes. “Look, I don’t need you feeling sorry for me. I don’t need your pity. Besides, you’re coming off as a really creepy new guy and the last thing I need in my life is more creeps.”
I didn’t mean the words, and I regretted them the moment they left my lips, but I was embarrassed and wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Having Levi standing in the girls’ bathroom with people walking in staring at us and calling me a slut was too much. Being pregnant was too much. Levi treating me in such a caring way was too much.
It was all emotionally draining and pushing him away was the one thing I could control. I didn’t need his caring gazes and adorable smirks.
He didn’t reply. His head lowered, and he stuffed his hands into his jeans as he walked away and muttered an apology.
I was officially a jerk.
* * *
When I finally built up enough courage to leave the bathroom, I turned to my left to see James, my brother’s best friend, standing in front of my locker, reading the red lipstick. James had always been a staple in my family’s life—he was Mike’s version of Simon, pretty much. He was also my first, longest running crush since I was eight.
I liked to think of James as a born socialite. He was friends with everyone no matter their high school social status. From the stoners, to the nerds, to the jocks, James befriended every group. That was part of the reason why it was so easy for me to crush on him when I was younger.
Funny how it only took one night to change all of my thoughts about him.
James looked up and gave me a half smile. “Aria. Hey.” I swallowed hard and stared into his worried eyes. “Is it true? Are you…?”
My head lowered. “Yes.”
“And is it…” He paused, glancing around the empty hallways. He took a sharp breath and stepped closer to me. “Am I…?”
“Yes.”
He muttered ‘shit’ under his breath. His fingers tugged at the collar of his sky blue Calvin Klein polo. “Are you sure it’s mine?”
I must’ve looked shocked, because he quickly retracted his words.
“Sorry. That was an asshole thing to say.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “What I meant was, are you going to handle it?”
“Handle it?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
He whispered, “You know…are you going to get rid of it?”
I didn’t reply.
How could I reply to that?
“You gotta understand, Aria. Nadine and I are in a really good place with our relationship right now. Plus, I have football and am getting ready to go off to college next year. This would ruin everything for me. I can’t really afford to deal with this kind of thing in my life right now.”
My eyes moved to my lipstick locker.
Pretty sure you’re not the one dealing with this.
My stomach tightened, and for a second I thought about slamming my fist into his perfectly slender nose. “Thanks for your kind support, James. You truly have a way with words.” I rushed out of the school building. All of the buses and most of the cars in the parking lot had already left. Mom sat in her Audi, looking at her phone.
Great. Now the doctor’s appointment.