Rob didn’t even give it time to sink in, the fact that she’d lain there for nearly two hours, an abrupt dismissal as he said, ‘Look, who cares how long she was in the road? She was dead. It made no difference to her.’ None of them responded, knowing that it meant nothing anyway, that the bluster was just Rob’s way of dealing with things.
Natalie lay back again, staring up at the ceiling, then propping a pillow behind her head so that she was looking at the film poster. With Alex sitting on the bed next to her she couldn’t even see Rob or Will and that was how she wanted it for now, to be removed from them.
She didn’t even sit up when she heard Will making a nervy suggestion that they should go to the police after all. She listened to Will’s case, that it would haunt them, that it would be hard to keep it secret forever, that it was wrong, but she switched off again as inevitably, Rob and Alex reassured him and convinced him that they had to stick by Matt.
She studied the film poster, struck by how appropriate it was to their present situation - the car, the tag line, “we’re in a jam”, the young couple on the run. She’d never seen the film, had never previously heard of the actors either, but she’d come to love that poster and now it was as if their own lives were mirroring it - except Alex and Natalie weren’t just a young couple, but part of a group.
There was a heavy knock at the door and Matt walked in. She could see him as he came through the door, looking in danger of simultaneously hitting the top and sides of the frame. He smiled at her and she smiled back, caught out by his warmth, his openness.
He accepted a drink as he sat down but didn’t take any of it before saying, ‘Okay, I know we agreed on this last night but, cold light of day and all that, I wanna give you another chance. I’m more than happy to go to the police on my own. Just give me the word and I’ll do it.’
It was as if he was desperate to own up but felt like he couldn’t do it without their consent. And she felt sick in her stomach because she wanted him to sacrifice himself but knew she couldn’t argue for that, because if she did they’d look at her like she was a traitor. Instead she just lay there listening as Rob and Alex went through the same process of persuasion.
In the end, even Will joined in, no indication at all that he’d been talking about going to the police himself not long before. Will was talking about the flaws of the justice system now and it made her want to scream because he was lying. He was terrified and upset and yet he was pretending he wasn’t because he was so desperate to be accepted.
It was crazy, this circular determination to keep everything within the group. It was almost as if they revelled in it and were grateful. They had only a little over a term left together before life took them their separate ways, but now fate had handed them something that would bond them forever.
That was how they sounded, like they were happy. At least, that was how the three of them sounded. As the conversation continued she noticed she hadn’t heard Will say anything for a while, and when he did eventually speak again it was to say he had to go.
She sat up, wanting to hear his explanation.
‘Seriously, I have so much stuff that has to be in by next Friday. And I can hardly ask for an extension on the grounds of being involved in a hit and run.’
For an awkward moment their faces were frozen, and then he smiled and they relaxed.
‘Sure,’ said Alex. ‘Well you know where we are.’
‘I’ll come over later,’ said Rob.
Will nodded but didn’t say anymore and got up to leave. Natalie wanted to stop him, to hold him again and tell him he was right to be feeling upset and confused. But as much as she was concerned for him, knowing how sensitive he was, she didn’t move. She let him go.
When he’d left the other three exchanged glances, as close as they were, the first chink in the group armour. They were worried this would be too much for Will, that he’d go over the edge and start talking. They’d have thought that about him sooner or later anyway but Natalie suspected they still couldn’t see the real danger of what they’d done here, a danger to which they were blind because they were too busy focussing on Will.
This bond they’d engaged in so readily was a crime in itself, something that would be as likely to drive them apart as keep them together, making them suspicious, increasingly on their guard with each other. And if their friendship fractured it would stop being a bond altogether, becoming instead a knowledge of the past that could be used to hold each other to ransom. Where would they be then?
Matt looked at the whisky in his glass and put it down without drinking any more of it.
‘I’ll go after him, just to be on the safe side, make sure he’s okay.’
‘Sure,’ said Alex. ‘I’ll call you later.’
Matt got up and walked to the door, but stopped then and hesitated.
He turned again and said, ‘I can’t believe I forgot to mention it. Her name was Emily Barratt, a second year in my college. I heard two girls talking about it below my window this morning. She was studying English.’