Will was waiting for another response from Rob but none came. Matt gave a deep sigh and started the car.
‘Okay’ he said, ‘let’s go home.’ He backed up and turned carefully into the road, and then as he drove along the quayside he said, ‘Let me say this though. Sleep on it. And if any of you decide in the morning that you can’t handle it, then I’ll go to the police and tell them I was alone in the car.’ None of them said anything and Will felt comfortable again, for once feeling like maybe he wasn’t the weak one, like they were all in this together, equals.
Natalie had been silent now for a few minutes. She’d felt drunk again, her thoughts unclear, and it had been easier just to sit there and listen to the four boys discussing it. She didn’t think the conclusion had ever been in doubt anyway and now that it had been decided she felt more relaxed.
Matt was driving along at a sedate pace. She was warm and secure in the middle of the back seat, Rob and Will pressed up on either side of her, even the acid smell of vomit coming off Will seeming comfortable and familiar. And there was Alex sitting in front of her, passive, calm, a reassuring air of strength around him, for all the shock of the last thirty minutes.
She smiled, warmed by friendship, by the fact that Matt would give himself up if they wanted him to, and by the fact they’d never let him, and with Matt’s offer still hanging in the air, she said, ‘No, this stays secret forever, no matter what. Agreed?’
‘Agreed,’ said the three of them, Rob with a laugh in his voice.
Alex looked at Matt who turned briefly and nodded.
‘Agreed,’ he said.
They drove on through the empty town centre, a sense between them that things had been resolved. Natalie settled down into the seat, staring at the back of Alex’s head, trying to subdue the part of her mind that was still locked stubbornly onto what had happened back there.
Maybe they all felt the same, for all their attempts to immunize themselves against the reality of the accident. They were all thinking of that girl lying in the road, wondering whether anyone had found her yet, wondering whether she was a student or a local, how it would feel in the morning, in the weeks ahead, the months, just wondering.
She rested her head against Rob’s shoulder and closed her eyes, allowed herself to be lulled by the warmth and the engine noise, the movement of the car. She didn’t want to think about it. She wanted to pretend like it had never happened, as if in the morning it would all be gone.
2
As Natalie surfaced from sleep she was conscious of him moving about the room. The kettle was boiling, a soothing background like distant trains. He was getting mugs out, putting coffee in the cafetiere, small domestic sounds that made her feel secure and protected, content.
Alex usually stayed in her room but she liked it when she stayed in his, liked the feeling of being wrapped up in his world, the subtle scent of him in the duvet that enveloped her, the books and photographs and posters that she knew almost as well as her own.
The kettle switched itself off and as he poured the water the smell of the coffee drugged the air, teasing her finally into opening her eyes. He was close enough to reach out and touch, standing there with the coffee things on the desk in front of him.
He had the same look of concentration he always had when he was doing simple things. He’d actually be thinking over some complex problem that was puzzling him but it made him look like a little boy, determined not to mess up whatever task it was he’d been given.
He was dressed, already back from the shower, his hair still wet and looking dark and unkempt. In the summer his hair became almost blond but it was darker now anyway, half the winter already behind them.
Finally he noticed she’d woken and he looked down at her and smiled. She smiled back, involuntarily, like a schoolgirl with a crush, all her love for him welling up. He looked happy too, a glimpse through the baggage and routine and familiarity to what had brought them together in the beginning.
He bent down and kissed her, running his hands through her hair. He smelt fresh and she was full of sleep and in need of a toothbrush but with Alex it was okay, comfortable. She held him tight and he laughed a little, almost pulled off balance.
His cheek was warm against hers, his breath falling hot on her ear. ‘Coffee?’ He said after a second or two.
‘Coffee,’ she said and let him go.
She sat up then, his film poster of They Live By Night facing her on the wall at the foot of the bed. Alex was wearing a t-shirt but the room was colder than she’d thought and she pulled the duvet up around her neck, carefully sending out one arm to take the mug of coffee from him.