‘Actually, why don’t you open some wine and I’ll take a shower?’
‘Good,’ she said, relieved that he’d come to a decision.
He felt better when he came out of the shower, temporarily refreshed, awake. Kate was only just pouring the wine.
‘I thought we’d order something in,’ she said. ‘I’d intended to take you out but I thought this might be nicer.’
‘Embarrassed to be seen out with me, huh?’
‘Well it is a very style-conscious city.’ He smiled, sitting on the sofa, taking the wine she offered. ‘I just thought you looked so wrecked, and it hadn’t occurred to me you’d be tired from the flight. We can go out tomorrow night, if you’re here. Or the next night. Where is it you’re going?’
‘Garrington. I think it’s essentially one of these little commuter towns. I’ll go up tomorrow, stay the night. You must remember me talking about Matt, the American who was at college with us?’
‘Of course, yes!’ The whole trip appeared to make sense to her now, which was more than it did to him. ‘So he’s been in touch with you?’
‘Not quite. He doesn’t know I’m coming. In fact, I don’t even know that he still lives there.’
Her face took on a look of confusion, an accurate enough reflection of Alex’s own muddled thinking. She smiled and said, ‘Let me get this right. You’re visiting the parental home of someone you haven’t seen for ten years in the hope that he still lives there or happens to be visiting?’
He wasn’t sure how to answer. He didn’t really expect to find Matt still living there. Matt was probably in New York or Washington, but Alex felt that by visiting his parents first he’d gain some advantage. He didn’t like to admit it but in truth, he was already treating Matt like an adversary, approaching him with as much caution as possible.
‘I agree, it sounds crazy if you put it like that. He probably lives here in the city now, and I know, I could have found that out by phoning. I didn’t want to speak to him on the phone though.’ She still looked bemused so he added, ‘Two of our friends from college have died in the last few weeks. And I know we hadn’t really kept in touch but we were pretty close back then; that’s kind of been brought home to me in the last week or two. So I wanted to tell him in person.’
‘How awful,’ she said. ‘Is it anyone I know about?’
‘Remember the guy who used to write to me every now and then?’
‘Wills?’
‘Will, yeah. He died of a drug overdose. And Rob, the one who was a journalist, killed in Kosovo.’
‘That’s so sad.’ He could see what she was thinking. She was imagining what it would be like to lose two friends like that. They were too young to have friends who’d died. She looked at him then and said, ‘How have you been?’
‘Okay, I suppose.’ She nodded and left it at that. She was too smart not to have worked out that the absence of these close friends from his life was linked in some way to the attacks that disturbed his sleep. She’d never said anything about it though, steering clear of enquiries that would force the issue, respecting his need to keep it in the shadows. ‘It has to be said of course, that I came to see you, too.’
‘How convenient,’ she said. He smiled. It hadn’t been true but it felt like the truth now that he was here. It wasn’t just that he’d forgotten how beautiful she was, more that he’d forgotten how good he felt when he was with her, settled, at peace.
She got up and said, ‘I’ll order some food. What do you feel like?’
‘Up to you.’
‘Vietnamese?’
‘Fine. You choose.’ She walked into the kitchen and he called after her, saying, ‘My taxi driver had to ask me for directions.’
She laughed and shouted back, ‘You’re making that up!’
‘I swear, I’m telling the truth. He asked me for directions, and of course I didn’t have a clue. I’m here and I don’t even know where I am.’
‘We’re just around the corner from my old place.’
‘Easy for you to say.’
She appeared in the doorway, her voice quieter again as she said, ‘No, I really do mean around the corner. Go over to the window and look to your left. If you turn right at the end of the street it’s about twenty yards to my old building.’
‘Oh.’ He got up and went to the window as she walked back into the kitchen.
He opened it and leaned out, the sudden burst of cold air going through him as if his body lacked any resistance. The street was quiet below, a few people walking, lights on in most of the buildings across the way. The noise of traffic carried from each end.
He looked to the left, in the direction of the traffic. He had a vague recollection now of where he was, brought on more by the noise rather than any recognition of the buildings. And it still felt strange, a place he couldn’t imagine Kate living.