All That Is Lost Between Us

‘Here.’ I thrust the bag at him. ‘These are for Sophia. I’m sorry I caused all this trouble.’ Then I stalk off, not bothering to turn around when I hear him yelling thanks behind me.

I’m furious and embarrassed as I wait outside the ward. When Callum appears he looks thunderous. We head for the car park in silence. When we are safely inside our vehicle, away from everyone else, I let loose.

‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me about that woman? I thought I was about to be arrested in there.’

‘Calm down,’ Callum says. ‘I’ve been wanting to talk to you all day. Every time I see you, you’re rushing off somewhere. How could you not tell me that Georgia collapsed – what happened?’

As I see his concern, my anger begins to dissipate. ‘I was going to, but you were on the phone while I was home. She couldn’t complete her run today – she didn’t say much about it, but I’m worried about how much pressure she’s under. She really shouldn’t compete tomorrow.’

Callum grimaces. ‘Well, we can talk to her again when she gets home, and see how she’s feeling and what we can do.’

‘She’ll want to run,’ I say miserably. ‘I know she will. Can you tell me about the woman in the hospital – what on earth is going on?’

‘It’s pretty much what you heard back there. A woman got into the ward last night and headed for Sophia’s room a number of times. She was filmed watching them all through the window. So, now security are jumping on anything unusual.’

If this day gets any more bizarre I’m going to need to lie down. ‘Do they think it’s connected with the accident?’

Callum puts the keys in the ignition. ‘Yes – perhaps. Obviously no one can say for certain until we find out who she is.’

‘What did she look like?’

‘It was hard to tell from the photographs. Fairly young – in her twenties, I’d say. Long brown hair. Skinny. Dressed casually.’

I am silent while I try to process this information. I run through all the people who match this description, but I can’t imagine what any of them would be doing at the hospital.

I lean my head against the cold window. ‘I’m really worried about Georgia.’

‘So am I,’ Callum says as he starts the car. ‘But I don’t think we’re going to make it easier for her by hovering over her. I’m just trying to carry on as normal.’

Just what we need, I think, Callum acting normally. I snort without meaning to.

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’

I half hope he’ll rant at me, but of course he doesn’t. Instead he just says, ‘Not now, Anya,’ with his eyes fixed on the road.

Now I really want to hit him. My rage is building to spectacular proportions, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing me act like the crazy one. I don’t want to be the one in the wrong.

I don’t think I like you any more, I say silently to him as he drives. I’m not sure I even know you any more.

I watch the dark night speeding by. At some point, Callum and I are going to have to talk. I need to gather my strength so I can seize the initiative once this trauma subsides. I cannot continue to make excuses. It scares me how easy it is to exist by letting the everyday practicalities take priority. All at once I can look back at months, if not years, of build-up to this point. Less and less conversation. Less and less physical contact. I try to keep the scary questions locked away, but a few of them keep escaping. Where are we headed? What do our children make of us? Is there any way to pull ourselves back from the precipice or are we already leaning too far over? Even these questions give me a giddy sensation, as though I am already falling. When I try peering into our future I see the children leaving home, and the rest is a horrible fog I can’t get past.

I shift slightly, glancing across at him, but his expression hasn’t changed. Is he really trying to pretend that I’m not here? It occurs to me that I bought the plaid shirt and jeans he is wearing. I wonder if he remembered when he put them on this morning, or if he just grabbed the nearest thing to hand.

As I’m thinking all this, his pager goes off. In a series of smooth movements, he pulls over, checks it, and sets off again.

Still he doesn’t say anything. I have to sit on my hands to stop myself from slapping him.

‘Do I gather you’re going out?’ I ask, not bothering to curb the sarcasm in my voice.

‘There’s a retired couple somewhere on the Fairfield Horseshoe. Left details at the hotel and haven’t checked back in.’

‘That’s not what I asked.’

Callum’s hands slam the steering wheel. ‘You want us to talk to Georgia – I get it. But Georgia is at Bethany’s right now. There’s a good chance I’ll be back before she is. She promised she would call when she’s ready to come home. I presume you don’t mind picking her up?’

‘Of course I don’t—’

‘Well, then, would you like me to leave that old couple stuck up there for the night?’

‘You act like they’re your responsibility, but you’re part of a team, Callum. There are others who can take care of it.’

Sara Foster's books