He shook his head frantically. “Don’t say that.”
“You never once thought about me after we talked on the phone?”
“We were trying to stabilize that man, Ava. Then a heart became available.”
“In all of that time, all of those hours, you didn’t wonder where I was after I told you I was coming here?”
His eyes were vacant and then he shook his head slowly back and forth. “I didn’t think about you. All I could think about was getting that man his heart.”
“Maybe after you give him that new heart, you can get one for yourself.” I looked past Nate to the group of doctors still waiting for him. The woman with fiery red hair looked annoyed as she stood with her hand on her hip. She glared at me. “They probably think I’m your charity case.”
“No, they don’t.”
“Why am I still here, talking to you?”
“Let me make this up to you. What about Sunday? I’m off Sunday, all day.”
“Don’t worry about making it up to me.” My voice got higher. “You don’t owe me anything.”
It was amazing how one minute I could go from imagining some kind of fantasy life with Nate to feeling totally rejected by him the next. He had given up one job for me already; I couldn’t expect him to give up another.
I left the building quickly and could hear him running behind me. “Please, listen to me. Where will you go now? How will you get to the bus station?”
“I can walk. I know where it is.”
I walked down a treelined street toward a major intersection. When I hit the button to cross the street, I looked back and saw Nate still following me. “I think it’s amazing what you’re doing,” I said to him. “You should be proud of yourself for saving a life.” He was at least fifteen yards away, but now he slowed up, walking toward me very cautiously. I had to practically yell over the traffic noise. “We’re not the same, you and me. Everyone kept saying so, but I guess we weren’t listening.”
“We’re not that different.” He walked with his arms outstretched toward me. “Come here please, Ava.” He was wearing scrubs and a lab coat and I was in a short, wrinkled red dress. My greasy hair was half tied back and blowing around messily. It must’ve looked like a doctor was trying to coax an insane person back to the asylum.
When the little green man appeared, instructing me to cross, I darted into the street quickly. “See you around, Dr. Meyers,” I yelled over my shoulder. I never looked back.
I got on a bus back to Great Falls and called Trish from the bus station to pick me up. When she pulled up, her eyes were downcast. I got in but didn’t look over to her for the rest of the drive. I couldn’t face anyone eye to eye.
Finally, I said, “Thanks for coming to get me.”
“What happened, sweetie?”
“Nothing major.” It was sort of the truth.
“Talk to me.”
I shrugged. “He’s a doctor. It’s a demanding job. It’s not like how it was with—”
“Don’t you dare say his name,” she interrupted.
“It’s not going to work with me and Nate. Let’s not talk about it anymore. I can’t be mad at him for wanting to save a life. I wanted that, too. I’m just not right for him. Not smart enough or savvy. I do stupid things. I deserve to be alone.”
“Stop that right now. You’re not giving it a chance. I think you might be lookin’ for a way out.”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Do you think Red will loan me some money to fly to Spain?”
I could see her eyeing me but I wouldn’t look over. “You missin’ your mama?”
“Yeah.”
“Dale and I will pay for you to go.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I mumbled soberly.
“We would be happy to. But tell me something, Ava . . . do you think you’ll come back, or do you think you’ll run off to Spain to hide since you can’t hide here anymore?”
“I don’t have to hide because no one’s looking. I told you, I miss my mom and I want to see her.”
“Okay, darlin’.”
As we drove back, I stared out the window. This time my simplified observations of my own life weren’t so pleasant. You’re Avelina McCrea. You had your whole life ahead of you—a handsome husband, a job you loved, and plans for the future. Now your husband is dead. He left you behind, and no one else is looking at you. Get over it.