Titus turned his piercing eyes on the maid. She actually flinched, and it brought a cold half smile to his mouth. “I will do that now. He is with Antonia?”
She nodded. Titus looked at Abigail again, and this time, the touch of his gaze brought her head up. Phillip watched as emotion flashed through her eyes before settling into something between resignation and pure emptiness.
Titus spun away. “See that she eats more.”
Once he was gone, Abigail cleared her throat. “What did he want, Phillip?” She wrapped her arms around herself as if she were cold, though the day was warm and bright.
“To discover where Samuel is. He is going now to see him.”
Abigail’s face relaxed only a degree. She stood. “Good. Benjamin should be awaking soon. Let us go in.”
Phillip and Miriam followed. The maid shook her head. “It does not appear to be worry over Samuel.”
Well, if it was over Caius, he actually hoped the old man tried something tonight so that he would have an excuse to bash his head against a wall and erase that worry, too.
He kept that reflection to himself.
*
Abigail knelt down in front of her trunk and pulled out a length of cloth from the bottom of it. Squeezing her eyes shut, she fingered the tassels of Jason’s prayer shawl and whispered the same prayer that had been on her lips for the last three weeks. “Jehovah, ease my worry.”
So heavy it all weighed. The pain of losing Titus. The fear of his father, who had grown no bolder but also would not relent in his stares. The concern over Samuel’s injured feelings, which had eased only slightly when Titus spent that single afternoon with him last week.
And the other. Dear Lord, the other.
“Mistress?” Miriam settled beside her and put a warm hand on her shoulder. Phillip had gone to check on Samuel in the back garden.
“Yes, my friend?”
Miriam’s brows were creased, her hesitation obvious. “Mistress, I do not mean to pry, only to serve you as best I can. You are so dear to me, more like a sister than my owner, and . . . may I ask you something?”
Abigail only nodded. She knew that whatever Miriam requested to know, it would be out of her devotion.
Miriam cleared her throat. “I know every woman is different after the birth of a child. Some do not get the return of their courses until they wean, others right away. I have noticed that in the month I have been here, you have not experienced any bleeding. Is this normal since Benjamine was born?”
Tears surged Abigail’s eyes, two escaping before she could blink them away. “No.” She drew shuddering air back into her lungs. Her fingers linked through Miriam’s. “They returned two months ago. And then . . . I am afraid, my friend. I am terribly afraid that I carry Titus’s child, and I will be ruined if I do. My son will be ruined.”
“This is what has been causing you so much distress.” Miriam wrapped her arms around Abigail’s shoulders and held her. For just a moment, Abigail let herself weep into her friend. “Perhaps it is simply your despair that makes you late. I have heard of such things. I myself was a bit late this last time, out of my fear from that night with Caius. Or perhaps the nursing is still having an effect after all.”
“Perhaps. I have been praying it is that. But every day I awake and wait and nothing happens.” She turned her eyes on Miriam. “What if I am pregnant, Miriam? How will I look my mother in the eye? How will I return to Israel? Who will respect Benjamin if his mother . . .” She stopped herself with a hand over her mouth, trying to hold back another sob.
“Hush.” Miriam smoothed back Abigail’s hair. “It will be all right. In spite of his anger, Titus loves you, Mistress. He will take care of you if you have his child. Perhaps he would even marry you.”
Abigail wiped at her tears and breathed a dry laugh. “No. That is one thing he will not do. But he would think I expect it of him because Jason chose to marry me, and he would grow angry.” She shook her head. “If I am with child, Titus will not be happy. He will be furious.”
Miriam sat up straighter, thunder in her eyes. “And why should he be furious? He is the one who manipulated you into his bed, he is the one who chose the time to do it, he is–”
“That is enough.” Her loyalty made her smile a bit though. “I am just as guilty as Titus. But let us wait a while longer before we resign ourselves to this. It could be as you say, I could simply be late in my cycle. And until I am certain, neither of us will say anything to anyone.”
“Of course.” Miriam fell back to her knees and kissed Abigail’s hands. “I will do your will in all things, without question.”
Abigail smiled truly for the first time in days. “The Lord was smiling on me when he led me to you. You are my friend, Miriam, and we both know you do my will only when you agree with its benefit for me, and I thank you for that as well. I have very little use for people who do only what they are told.”