You didn’t think I’d leave this world without giving you any parting words of advice, did you? After all the years we’ve been together, and everything we’ve been through, you know I never would do anything like that. Damn, I’m sounding more like your lover than your best friend. This is the part where you’re supposed to laugh.
But seriously, dude, you’ve meant more to me than any friend ever could—you are the brother I never had. And I’m telling you now, if I didn’t tell you before, that I have loved you ever since you stuck your popsicle up that asshole, Mickey Master’s nose in the third grade. You were my hero then as you are now. All these years you’ve said those words to me, but honestly, Benny, I have looked up to you in more ways than I can count. You are a mountain to me and always have been. Hell, you got me through those tough nights in med school when I didn’t think I could keep my eyes open to study for the next exam. Your stupid jokes had me laughing until tears ran down my cheeks. You were the one that always told me I could do it, but I knew you had the balls to do anything too.
And you were there with me during my rough spot, when I went through that shitty break up. But you were right. She wasn’t for me and you said so from the start. You picked me up and pieced me back together, promising it would be better and damn if you weren’t right. But then, you always were.
Now it’s my turn to impart a few bits of wisdom. You told me I had a special knack to talk you down from the ledge. I don’t, not really. You talk yourself down, only you don’t realize it. I just get the conversation started and then you, in your Ben way, take it over and run with it. That’s what you’re gonna have to do when I’m gone. You’re gonna find a way to figure it out and run with it. I’m depending on you, man. My girl will depend on you and I know you have what it takes to get the both of you to the happier side of this shit.
Now here’s the deal. Don’t worry about the little shit. It always takes care of itself. Don’t let your damn dick run away with you either. I know how you are sometimes, dude. Fucking every piece of tail in sight won’t help you at all. It’ll only be the band-aid for all your wounds and end up getting you into some shit you don’t need. Put that awesome brain of yours to work and let it do some magic. And add your heart to it too. You have one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever encountered. Use it—not just for keeping yourself alive. Open it up and let yourself fall in love, man. It will be the greatest gift you can give yourself—and me.
Now do what I told Cate—go and live. Don’t you dare let yourself wallow in misery and self-destruct, like I know you have a tendency to do. And have the greatest life you can. Don’t look back, but only forward. And know my life would’ve been half of what it was without you as part of it.
Love, your brother in this world and the next,
Drew
And take care of my wife. I don’t want to come back and have to haunt your ass. This is where you’re supposed to laugh again.
I was never the hero. And if he could see me now, he wouldn’t say that.
I’m dressed and in my car not truly knowing where I’m going. But when I get there, instantly I know this is where I’m meant to be.
The doors slide open and I catch a glimpse of her. She’s flanked by her family as she walks towards an awaiting nurse.
“Samantha,” I call out.
She freezes, but doesn’t bother to turn around to face me. I get a precious view of her profile.
“You’re right—sorry isn’t nearly enough. And telling you how much I love you and need you isn’t enough either,” I choke out. “No matter what, I’m going to be here for you, even if it’s too late.”
She gives me no acknowledgement as she faces forward and disappears behind the windowless double doors.
Three pairs of eyes turn to glare at me. I can feel the eyes of the other people in the waiting area as well. Their judgment doesn’t matter. Laney makes the first move.
She’s on me before her dad can wrangle her away. Her fist connects several blows I take, knowing I earned that and more.
“You asshole. You don’t get to show up now. You’re too late.”
“Laney,” her mom says. She rests a hand on my forearm. “She’s going to be a while. You don’t have to wait.”
“I know. And I’m sorry my appearance is causing your family distress. But I have to stay.”
Her lips compress in a thin smile. She shuffles her family to a far corner. I slump in a seat and rest my arms on my legs as I cover my face.
“He shouldn’t be here,” I hear Laney rant.
“The bastard has a lot of nerve,” one of her friends adds.
I look up to see four more pairs of eyes that could only be Sam’s friends giving me death by castration looks. I fist my hand in my hair as I find the floor for solace and push their words away. There isn’t anything they could say to get me to leave.