Adrianna asked, “What’s Hunter got to do with any of this?”
My tongue had gone thick and heavy, and a headache battered against my skull. I was so very, very tired. Not trusting my legs, I stayed kneeling with a hand flattened on Wilder’s chest and let everything spill out. The gaping wound in my heart bled upon recounting the ambush and Hunter’s story. His excuses and his so-called plan. I ended by explaining the kaskan and the stone.
Adrianna hissed like a tea kettle once I’d finished. “I can’t believe that that besotted idiot thought you’d leave with him. After what he’d done.” She pointed a loaded crossbow down at Tysion, and growled, “And this thing is Dimitri’s offshoot. Ugh, no wonder he’s so vile.”
“We should go,” Frazer said abruptly. “I don’t trust Hunter not to come after her; even if the stone works for us, it doesn’t make us invisible.”
Adrianna slipped the crossbow’s strap over her shoulder and adjusted the quiver and bag at her back, fidgeting. “Well, I can’t fly very far. Not yet.”
Her magnificent head drooped a bit. I recognized the look and the cause. It was the face of someone disappointed by their own limitations.
Frazer jerked his chin toward the gully. “I’ve heard the Pass is riddled with caves, all the way up into the mountains. There might be a few that’d be safe to bed down in for the night.”
Adrianna was nodding. “Okay. I’ll take Wilder and come back for you both.”
Frazer stole a look at me. “We’re not staying here. I’ll carry Serena to the Pass. You can pick us up there.”
Adrianna nodded again and prepared for flight by tucking her long braid into her jacket. She moved to pick up a bag off the ground and threw it over to Frazer. “You can carry your own rucksack now. Wilder’s heavy enough as it is.”
Frazer answered by clipping his bag on, maneuvering it around the quiver and kaskan.
I watched, concerned, as she gingerly lifted Wilder. His head rolled. Like a lifeless doll.
From my seated position, I said, “I could take his bag, or the blades. It might help.”
She lifted a haughty brow. “I’ll manage.”
Auntie tutted in my head. Prideful faeling.
My gut tumbled as Adrianna turned to run, her scaled wings straining with the effort. For a moment it looked like she might not make it, but finally, her feet cleared the ground. That’s when I moved to stand on shaky legs. Frazer was there, lifting, supporting me. We didn’t speak as he veered north and ran over the grassy plain, our weapons and bags rattling as he moved.
I stared into nothingness.
“What is it?” he murmured, his breathing even despite his pace. “We got Wilder back—why do I feel you falling deeper into despair?”
The words rolled around, coating my tongue. The heavy emptiness in my chest stopped me from speaking my truth. A heartbeat later, something changed all that. A downy cloud got wiped away by a stray wind, and the sun appeared, beaming down.
I’d never been a sun-lizard, but now that light illuminated my world. It made the shadowed mountains glow anew in copper hues as the bracken clinging there was exposed. Then, as the valley stirred to life under my awed gaze, I watched the meadow move, singing in tune with the summer breeze. Dandelion fluff floated on lazily by and wild flowers swayed, waving and glistening with dewy residue. I drew in a deep breath, catching the whiff of recent rainfall. The canopy had been so thick in Attia, it wasn’t surprising I’d missed a cloudburst.
The now glorious brightness threatened to dazzle me. I closed my eyes but still felt the magic warming my skin. It whispered, shifting and banishing the burden eclipsing me.
My eyes flew open and I burst out, “Wilder protected me. He stood in front of me and took two arrows. And then, Hunter …”
Frazer’s fingers stiffened against my body. “… betrayed you.”
In a quiet tongue, I continued. “Yes—and he saved me. Again. He’s good at that. Being a treacherous worm, and then acting the savior.”
“I wouldn’t have let Tysion take you,” Frazer assured.
“You would’ve been too late, Fraze.”
His chest vibrated with a silent growl of displeasure, but it was true. And he knew it.
“Then, Adrianna was the one who rescued Wilder.”
Frazer made a chuffing noise. “I know what you’re getting at, but—”
I rambled on. “I was useless. More of a liability than anything. And I haven’t really known how to feel about becoming a fae. But right now, if it were possible, I’d march straight to Ewa and demand Hazel change me on the spot. As long as it meant no one would shield me like that again.”
Frazer eyes settled on mine, his brows bunching together.
“You disapprove?” I challenged.
“People make their own choices. Besides, given your background, you might have to get used to people guarding you. Once people know the truth, there are many who will consider you their rightful princess—maybe even their queen.”
Princess. Queen. Not likely.
He just didn’t understand. That was a first. “D’you know what’d happen if I got you killed? If I got Wilder, or Adi, or Cai, or Liora hurt?” My voice cracked under the strain of saying their names, but a storm of fear and guilt made me grit my teeth and continue. “I’d want to die.”
“Stop. Never think that. Never say that.”
“But—”
“No!” he snarled.
A brittle silence fell, whereupon we entered the valley’s mouth. A pause, and then he was softly spoken, but fierce as he confessed. “I wanted to die too. To take my life and leave this sorry, rutting world for good.”
Oh. I blinked back tears and asked, “When?”
“After she enslaved Lynx. After I failed him.”
“What stopped you?” I croaked.
His voice was grim as he said, “The male I knew might be gone, but that doesn’t burn away my memories. And Lynx would’ve told me to be brave. To live—even if every day was a struggle.”
My heart died. One tear rolled.
Frazer clutched me tighter. His version of an embrace, I supposed. He went on, murmuring, “Because as long as you keep breathing, there’s a chance that things will get better. That you can make them better. If you’re blessed with the long life of the fae, it’s almost inevitable.”
Despite myself, I bit my lip and asked, “And that’s enough?”
He gave me a pained smile. “Those words and thoughts aren’t mine. They belong to Lynx. I’d never have come up with something like that on my own. Way too optimistic.”
I laughed a bit at that.
Frazer went on, his voice stronger now. “Those memories and echoes of a life lost kept me alive, but to be honest, for the longest time they were just words to whisper to myself in the dark. I didn’t believe them until I met you. So you might not have taken arrows for me, siska. But you saved me from myself—from letting the grief swallow me whole. Because I think if I’d been left alone in that silence much longer, I’d have cracked.”
That, there, stole my breath, my voice.
Frazer slowed, surveying the area. Obviously satisfied there were no threats, he put me down and I stood, allowing his eyes to hold me. I didn’t try to hide the track of salty water staining my cheek.
My throat closed as we kept staring at each other. His blue-silver stare stripped me bare. Eventually, I dared to utter, “Can I hug you?”
I felt a flash of black humor in the bond. It was so Frazer. “If you must.”
Not exactly an invitation, but it still made me hurl myself at him. I felt a slight pressure at my back. He was actually reciprocating. I made a surprised noise, half-whimper, half-hiccup.
“You idiot,” he whispered into my hair.
I nodded. “I love you too.”
A cawing laugh was his response. He gripped the tops of my arms and pushed me away in a gentle but firm move. Nodding over to a nearby granite slab, he said, “We can wait for Adi over there.”