That pissed me off. “Adrianna told me about him … and about who she is.”
He huffed derisively. “Yet, you still made an unbreakable vow to a fae. Gods, Serena, I stayed away from you to prevent something like this from happening.” He gestured between us. “So that dangerous fae, like the ones surrounding us at this very minute, don’t take an interest in you.”
My fists curled into balls. “Or maybe it’s just because you’re a legendary Sabu Warrior. Whereas I’m …”
I tripped over the word “human” because that wasn’t entirely true. Not anymore. Wilder just looked confused. “Anyway, there’s nothing that can be done now. Frazer’s scent is in your blood and vice versa, and the fae have long memories.” He passed a hand over his eyes. As if to block out the sight of me as he spoke. “After you complete the trials, you should leave together. I’ll cover your backs for as long as I can.”
I looked away. Wilder misinterpreted my silence and snapped, “Serena, you can’t become a soldier now, do you understand? Take your brother and leave. They’ll hunt you when you don’t show up for your posting, but you should have enough time to disappear. Run, hide—don’t come back.”
His tormented expression made me ask, “How d’you know so much about what she’d do to me and Frazer?”
Wilder threw me a look. I couldn’t read it. “Because I used to serve her.”
My eyes flickered to the door. Was I fast enough?
“I said used to,” he emphasized.
I could still run. My traitorous body refused. Or maybe it was my morbid curiosity, because I gazed back into his bleak eyes and asked him, “What changed?”
A heavy brow and sad eyes met those words. “You know that I used to be a Sabu, but not that I served in Sefra’s armies for over two centuries.”
That had my chest tightening. My sister … two centuries? Holy fire.
His throat bobbed before he continued. “And when Morgan came, she gave me a choice: kneel or die. Obviously, I chose the former. I’d like to tell you that it was because she threatened to kill the males and females in my charge—”
I couldn’t keep the sharpness from my voice as I cut him short. “It wasn’t?”
If he noticed my mood, he didn’t react. “Yes and no. The ‘no’ part being that I didn’t want to die. Not because I was afraid, exactly. I was still young, at least by Sabu standards, and I wanted more.” He grimaced and sucked in a shaky inhale. “And after Morgan came to power, my company and I did … terrible things—unforgivable things. I thought about running, but her retribution for such acts were monstrous.”
My breathing snagged. “So, how did you get away?”
He chuckled, the sound cold and laced with self-disgust. “I didn’t. She let me go.”
I blinked. Stars …
Wilder stood abruptly, making me nervous. He grabbed the glass from the mantelpiece, and a decanter from a hidden spot by his chair. He stayed standing and poured himself another drink. “I began to lose battles—to disgrace myself on purpose. I fell into whoring, gambling, and drinking.” He raised his glass as if to emphasize, and sloshed the liquid around, peering inside ruefully. “She beat me, and when that didn’t work, she set in on my fellow Warriors. I thought about giving in every damned day.” He inhaled his drink, draining the glass dry in seconds. “But I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t look into the eyes of another innocent and end their life. All in the name of that power-hungry demon. So, I did what I could to take my Warriors’ pain away. When I didn’t stop, she threatened to force a blood oath on me—”
I couldn’t stop myself. “Blood oath? As in a bond?”
His gaze shifted to mine; his eyes hollowed out as he clarified. “We only call them bonds when they’re consensual. A blood oath to Morgan would’ve been a twisted play on the guardian bond. It most often takes place between a ruler and their subjects. But to swear it to Morgan would’ve meant eternal damnation. There would’ve been no honor in serving her. So I promised to kill myself if she tried. For a Sabu, there’s no greater dishonor. Morgan was so disgusted, she exiled me from her court and sent me here. Told me to have as many females or males as I liked—to get it out of my system. It shows what she really thinks of these camps; of Diana’s armies.”
I winced. “How long have you been here?”
“Years,” he replied curtly.
“And she could call you back at any moment?”
Wilder hesitated, his eyes growing stormy. “I’d risk crossing the sea and joining up with our eastern brethren before going back to her.”
Gods, I wanted to believe that. But he’d served the very fae that had ripped apart my family, murdering my father, and forcing my sister and mother into exile.
He must have read something in my expression because he said with some force, “I’m still the same male, Serena.”
Ah. That got me.
My arms crossed over my body. My shield. “I don’t know if I ever knew that male in the first place.”
Wilder kept quiet, kept staring. “It’s true, we haven’t known each other very long. Two months is a blink in the lifespan of a fae. Yet here I am, finding myself fucking terrified about what happens to you when they discover you’re kin with a fae.”
Those words seemed to build in my chest and stomach, a great, golden sun expanding, touching my skin, radiating outward. They compelled me to say, “We’ll leave—me and Frazer. As soon as we’ve finished the trials.”
“Something tells me you’ve already discussed this.” He looked as if he didn’t expect a real answer.
I stayed silent. I’d made a big enough mistake admitting to the kin bond. However, Lake Ewa, Maggie OneEye; all the secrets Hazel had revealed should remain with me.
“Fine,” he said shortly. “Then, there’s nothing more to say.”
He set his glass aside and bent down to grab one of the books piled high on the floor. Wilder chucked it to me. I caught it and stared back, confused.
He gave me a shallow smile in return. “I saw you earlier. You were reaching for it. I don’t know why, but you’re welcome to take it.”
My fingers traced the title, The Darkest Song. “You won’t miss it?”
“Does it look like I’d miss it?” he asked, gesturing to the stacks of books surrounding us.
“I suppose not.” I stood to tuck the book under my arm and added lightly, “What if Dimitri finds out you’ve been giving me books?”
The fire in Wilder’s eyes died, and he turned to the flames burning bright in the fireplace, showing me his back. “We can only hope now that Frazer’s scent is mixed up with your own, he’ll stop believing we’re in a physical relationship. Fae avoid having multiple partners for that very reason. Scenting other fae has a way of spoiling the romance.”
I gulped, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat.
“You should go.”
Before cracking and spilling everything pounding away inside my traitorous heart, I left. Quickly.
Chapter 24
Begin!
Four days. Four long days, our pack trained constantly, and every movement caused some odd ache or pain. Still, progress felt slow. At least for Liora and I, who had yet to win a bout with Cai. Let alone Adrianna or Frazer. So being matched in a fight against a fae like Cole or Tysion—who to my dismay passed the third trial—was the very thought that caused fear to hound me day and night, chasing me from nightmares only to wake to the pain of a battered body. The only bright spot in the grayness was handing over the linen pocket square to Bert, who’d accepted the item gladly.
On the dawn of the fifth trial our pack sheltered in the food hall, where the windows had misted over from the buttery baking scents and the delicious heat from the fire.
“Go on, have a little toast? A bit of sausage?”
Cai sat opposite me, floating his breakfast plate under my nose. I gave him my best scowl, to which he sighed heavily and dropped his plate. “Thanks, but I feel sick just looking at food right now,” I added to be polite.