She wasn’t sure she needed the spanking. Lee had smacked her backside a couple of times during sex, and she hadn’t had a problem with that. It had done nothing but get her hotter, more ready, but this was different. She wasn’t already aroused. She was disconcerted and a little scared.
But what had he given her? He’d been “topping” her all week. He’d forced her to slow down and be intimate. That intimacy had led to her beginning to look at herself in a different light, to give herself credit she hadn’t before. He’d given her more pleasure than she’d ever imagined, and she couldn’t discount that part of life anymore. It was important and necessary to her, and she never would have found it if Lee hadn’t placed firm boundaries on what was and wasn’t acceptable. He’d made her pleasure a necessary act to achieve his own and by doing so forced her to place a value on herself she hadn’t before.
How could she find power in submission? It seemed an oxymoron, but she was finding herself by giving up power in certain areas.
“I want to try.” She wanted to explore, to see how far she could go, and he was the guide in this new world.
“Why?” The word sounded a little strangled coming out of his mouth.
Why? That was hard and easy. Easy because she could come up with a very logical reason, but it was a lie. And a safe thing to say. “Because I’m enjoying myself.”
Such a lie and she was still a coward. The right answer was that she’d fallen in love with him, that he’d brought out an Avery she really wanted to be. She liked herself when she was around him. She felt powerful and strong when she wasn’t giving in to her insecurity. She adored him.
But she didn’t say it because she was deathly scared about the silence that would likely follow that particular declaration.
“You’re enjoying yourself? I guess I should have expected that. Well, I’m glad to hear it.” He didn’t sound glad. He sounded a little angry.
“What did I do wrong?”
His face cleared. He looked down at her with the polite blank mask she hated. She would rather he yelled at her than stared at her like she was a stranger and there was nothing between them. “Nothing, baby. Nothing at all. Come on. Let’s get the punishment portion of the evening done so we can move on to something you’ll enjoy.”
She followed him wondering all the while exactly what she’d said to put that look on his face.
Ten minutes later, she swallowed as she looked at the spanking bench Alex had directed them to. It was an oddly shaped thing with a long centerpiece that sloped down toward the head and four smaller padded arms and legs.
“I’m going to allow you to keep your clothes on this time. You can keep both the corset and the thong. I’ll work around them,” Lee said, sounding like he was being particularly magnanimous.
Her backside was going to be in the air and that teeny tiny piece of butt floss wasn’t going to cover an inch of it. Her big old cheeks would be right there for all the world to see.
She glanced over and saw Alex grinning a little. What was that about?
“Yes, love, he’s excited about watching you get your ass whipped because it means he gets a view of that juicy butt. He’s looking forward to it, and I’m thinking about tearing his eyes out.” Lee gave his friend a stare that would have caused Avery to run, but Alex just shrugged and kept his hand on Eve’s hair. The sub was back in her submissive position, but only after Alex had reminded her. The minute they had gotten to their destination, Alex had put a hand out as though that was their signal. She’d glared at him, too, so it wasn’t so surprising Lee’s stare hadn’t worked. Alex seemed to let it just flow right off his back.
Alex thought he would enjoy seeing her backside? She kind of wanted to ask but decided that would probably set Lee off. He hadn’t liked her saying something bad about herself. It was what had gotten her into this position in the first place.
He was doing this for her, she realized suddenly. She’d questioned her own desirability, and now he was putting her on display not for his pride, but for hers.
Her insecurity dropped away, and she looked up at the man who seemed determined to give her everything. “Will you help me get on the bench? I might fall.”
A smile lit his face. That pleased him. Helping her pleased him. Over the course of their time together, he’d gotten her into the habit of reaching for him. He held a hand out, allowing himself to be the balance as she lowered herself to the bench. It was thickly padded, but her breasts were bound and it seemed like the bench was meant to split them up in order to assure her comfort.
She would be precariously balanced with the corset on. She tried it and felt a little like a balloon trying to balance on a toothpick. Darn it. He’d said he was allowing her to keep her clothes, not that he was demanding it. He was making her choose. Safety and comfort over her own insecurity.