And what the hell was up with that? Righteous anger burned through her. “Punishment? You don’t have any right to punish me. And I can curse. I choose not to most of the time, but don’t think it doesn’t go through my head, asshole. I was trying to give you something. I was trying to give you my body.”
“That’s where you fucked up, little girl. I don’t want your body. I want your soul. I want your everything. And I definitely want your orgasms. I want them all. I’ll be a greedy bastard, savoring them and hoarding them all for myself. You wanted to give me your body? I can buy that on a street corner, sweetheart. You’re the one who’s being selfish now.”
“How is it selfish to offer to have sex? I don’t understand what you want.” She was coming down from the high of her anger. She hated this feeling. Her emotions were bouncing around like a Ping-Pong ball.
“You weren’t really offering me anything of yourself.” Lee backed off slightly, his voice softening just a bit.
“What do you want from me?” She was truly at a loss. And she wished she’d kept her bra on.
He pulled the sweater out of her hand and reached over and turned on the light. “First off, I want you to stop hiding yourself from me. You’re the one making this tawdry by pretending it’s dirty and not worthy of the light of day.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.” She was just trying to make things go smoothly.
“Yes, you did. Tell me you really want me.” His voice had gone positively gentle. His hand cupped her cheek, forcing her to look up at him. God, he was gorgeous. No man should have those sensual lips.
“I want you.” She wanted him so badly. She just didn’t trust that he could possibly want her.
“No, you don’t, but you will.” He stepped back and tucked his shirt in. “We’re going to do this my way. We tried yours and it didn’t work, so I’m taking control. I should have done it in the first place. If I thought you had some, I would tell you to change into fet wear, but you don’t happen to have a corset and some PVC hiding in that closet, do you?”
“I don’t know what PVC is,” she admitted, her heart aching a little. “I don’t think this is a good idea, Lee. I don’t think I can be what you need. I’m not experienced, and what experience I have wasn’t very good. Don’t get me wrong. I loved my husband, but the sex wasn’t spectacular. I think I’m just one of those women who can’t be sexy. I was trying to please you, but I couldn’t.”
Even in the dim light, she could see him staring, assessing. “And I think you’re one of those women who can’t stop thinking long enough to let her body take over. Look, Avery, the sex you’ve had happened with a kid. Was your husband older than you? More experienced?”
She shook her head. They had both been virgins.
“Then you have no idea what it can be like. I look at sex differently than most people. It’s an exchange, and it should be good for both parties. I don’t want you to spread your legs and let me have you because you want someone to hold you. If you want me to hold you, ask me. I want you to spread your legs because you can’t wait another single second for my cock. I want that pussy ripe and ready and weeping for a big dick to split it wide and have its way. I want your nipples to peak because I walk into a room and you remember every dirty thing I can do to them. I want you to want me. I can make you crave me. I don’t want some drive-by fucking that gets me off and I forget it five minutes later. I want to fuck all night long. I want to feel it all the next day because my cock got so used to being deep inside your body. If that’s what you want, then get dressed in the sexiest thing you own and agree that I’m the boss when it comes to sex.” He turned and walked out. “I’ll give you five minutes to decide. I’ll be waiting in your living room. If you really want me, you’ll dress exactly how I’ve told you to dress and you’ll present yourself to me for inspection. And Avery, no bra and no underwear. You won’t need them.”
The door closed behind him, and she had to remember how to breathe.
She wasn’t sexy. She wasn’t orgasmic.
But what if she could be? Lee hadn’t been right about everything, but he had a few points. He’d told her he wanted to be in control and then she’d tried to make all the decisions. He had more experience, but she’d decided she knew best. She hadn’t listened to him.
He wanted control. He wanted her to really want him. She didn’t understand, but if she ever wanted to understand, she had to try.
She’d taught herself how to walk again. That had been an enormous mountain to climb. Why was she so scared of this? She’d faced worse, but she was cowering in her boots over not wearing underwear and a bra? She’d lost so much. Was she willing to lose this, too?
What was she really risking? She might look dumb. She could end up with her heart broken, but at least she would have proven it still worked.
She’d come across the ocean to change her life—to have a life. What was life without a few risks?