God, she was sick of looking like a fool.
Poor sick Avery. Poor girl, the universe must be against her. It would have been better off if she’d died with them. What kind of life can she have now?
She’d heard the whispers. They were imprinted on her brain.
Lee’s hands were on her sweater, pulling it off. Would he think her breasts were okay? They were already sagging a little. Her nipples were too big. They weren’t small and tight and perky.
Concentrate, Avery. This is going to be fine. You’ll get through this. You can do this.
She shook a little when he unclasped her bra. Her breasts bounced free. Yes. Definitely saggy. God, she was only twenty-eight. Shouldn’t they still be really firm?
But they had nursed a baby. Her baby.
Lee’s hands played at her breasts, tweaking the nipples while he kissed her neck.
She winced a little. He was rough.
Lee pulled back. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.” It hadn’t been bad. She tried to get close to him again, but he moved away.
“That shouldn’t hurt, Avery.”
“It didn’t.”
“Yes, it did.”
She sighed, thinking about grabbing her sweater again. She hated being exposed. “It wasn’t bad. Just be a little gentler.”
He stared at her. “This is about as gentle as I get. I’ll get a whole lot rougher, Avery. I wasn’t worried that I’d done something wrong. That was a little minor stimulation that should have been pleasant. Your nipples are sexual zones. But you have to be in a certain mood. You’re not in that mood, are you, Avery?”
It felt like an accusation. “I’m fine.”
“Then take off the rest of your clothes and let me feel your pussy. I can tell in two seconds flat if you’re ready for sex or not.”
She reached for the sweater now, hauling it up to cover her breasts. “Why are you being like this?”
He stood up, reminding her just how big he was. He was a tiger in a small cage, predatory and restless. “You want me to throw you down on the bed and get this over with, don’t you?”
“Would that be so bad? I’m not pushing you away. I’m offering you sex.”
“No, you’re offering me a quickie. I don’t particularly like quickies. And worse than that, you’re offering me a quickie where I take from you and give nothing back. I’m beginning to suspect you don’t think very highly of me. First you decided I was a hustler trying to play you for cash, and now I’m a man who just fucks and doesn’t care about his partner’s pleasure.”
The room had gone icy cold, and it was all coming from Lee. He seemed to have grown an inch or two, and if he’d opened his mouth and suddenly had fangs, it wouldn’t have shocked her. He was a predator, and she was a fluffy little bunny who might make a nice snack.
“I understand. I won’t bother you again.” She needed to get him out of here. It had all been an enormous mistake. She wasn’t ready for any of this. She wasn’t a sexy woman. She’d had her shot at a relationship and it had died in that car, the light of her life snuffing out with Brandon’s and Madison’s.
Maybe the nurses had been right. Maybe it would have been better to die.
Lee huffed a little. “You aren’t the woman I thought you were.”
Yeah, she got that a lot. “You should go.”
“Not until I’ve had my say.” He reached for his shirt. “You’re lying down. If that’s because I’m not the one you want, then that’s perfectly fine, but you should have the courtesy to me and to yourself to say it.”
“It’s not that.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re giving up. You’re letting fear rule you. That’s not a way to live. It’s a way to exist until the inevitable happens. Is that how you live your life, Avery Charles? You just want to float through until you die, never taking a chance because it might not work out?”
How could he say that? A little kernel of anger sparked through her system. She didn’t deserve that. She was well aware that the best thing to do would be to just walk away, to shoo him out of her apartment. Why should she care that he thought she was a doormat? But she did. “I lost the use of my freaking legs, Lee. I didn’t float through my twenties. I spent them on a fucking hospital bed fighting to learn to walk again.”
“That’s what I want. That’s the girl I saw. And you curse at me all you like. I’m keeping track of it for later punishment.”