17
All the way from Kingsbridge to Wigleigh - a distance of twenty miles, a full day's walk - Gwenda was hoping for a chance to use the love potion; but she was disappointed.
It was not that Wulfric was wary. On the contrary, he was open and friendly. He talked about his family, and told her how he wept every morning when he woke up and realized their deaths were not a dream. He was considerate, asking whether she was tired and needed to rest. He told her that he felt land was a trust, something a man held for a lifetime then passed to his heirs, and that when he improved his land - by weeding fields, fencing sheepfolds, or clearing stones from pasture - he was fulfilling his destiny.
He even patted Skip.
By the end of the day she was more in love with him than ever. Unfortunately, he showed no sign of feeling anything for her more than a kind of camaraderie, caring but not passionate. In the forest with Sim Chapman, she had wished with all her heart that men were not so much like wild beasts; but now she wanted Wulfric to have a bit more of the beast in him. All day she did little things to arouse his interest. As if by accident, she let him see her legs, which were firm and shapely. When the terrain was hilly, she made it an excuse to take deep breaths and stick out her chest. At every opportunity she brushed against him, touched his arm, or put a hand on his shoulder. None of it had the least effect. She was not pretty, she knew, but there was something about her that often made men look hard at her and breathe through their mouths - but it was not working on Wulfric.
They stopped for a rest at noon, and ate the bread and cheese they carried with them; but they drank water from a clear stream, using their hands as cups, and she had no opportunity to give him the potion.
All the same, she was happy. She had him all to herself for a whole day. She could look at him, talk to him, make him laugh, sympathize with him, and occasionally touch him. She pretended to herself that she could kiss him anytime she liked, but that at the moment she was not so disposed. It was almost like being married. And it was over too soon.
They arrived in Wigleigh early in the evening. The village stood on a rise, its fields sloping away to all sides, and it was always windy. After two weeks in the bustle of Kingsbridge, the familiar place seemed small and quiet, just a scatter of rough dwellings along the road that led to the manor house and the church. The manor was as large as a Kingsbridge merchant's home, with bedrooms on an upper floor. The priest's house was also a fine dwelling, and a few of the peasant houses were substantial. But most of the homes were two-room hovels, one room normally being occupied by livestock and the other serving as kitchen and bedroom for all the family. Only the church was built of stone.
The first of the more substantial houses belonged to Wulfric's family. Its doors and shutters were closed, giving it a desolate look. He walked past it to the second big house, which was where Annet lived with her parents. He gave Gwenda a casual wave of farewell and went inside, smiling in anticipation.
She felt the sharp tug of loss, as if she had just woken out of a delightful dream. She swallowed her discontent and set out across the fields. The early June rain had been good for the crops, and the wheat and barley were green, but now they needed sunshine to ripen them. Village women were moving along the rows of grain, bent double, pulling up weeds. Some waved to her.
As she approached her home, Gwenda felt a mixture of apprehension and anger. She had not seen her parents since the day her father had sold her to Sim Chapman for a cow. Almost certainly, Pa thought she was still with Sim. Her appearance would come as a shock. What would he say when he saw her? And what was she going to say to the father who had betrayed her trust?
She felt sure her mother knew nothing of the sale. Pa had probably told Ma some story about Gwenda running off with a boy. Ma was going to fly into a fearsome rage.
She felt happy at the prospect of seeing the little ones - Cath, Joanie, and Eric. She realized now how much she had missed them.
On the far side of the hundred-acre field, half-hidden in the trees at the edge of the forest, was her home. It was even smaller than the peasants' hovels, having only one room, which was shared with the cow at night. It was made of wattle and daub: tree branches stuck upright in the ground, with twigs interwoven basket-fashion, the gaps plugged with a sticky mixture of mud, straw, and cow dung. There was a hole in the thatched roof to let out the smoke of the fire in the middle of the earth floor. Such houses lasted only a few years then had to be rebuilt. It now seemed meaner than ever to Gwenda. She was determined not to spend her life in such a place, having babies every year or two, most of whom died for lack of food. She would not live like her mother. She would rather die.
When she was still a hundred yards from the house, she saw her father coming toward her. He was carrying a jug, probably going to buy ale from Peggy Perkins, Annet's mother, who was the village brewster. Pa always had money at this time of year, for there was plenty of work to be had in the fields.
At first he did not see her.
She studied his thin figure as he walked along the narrow gap between two field strips. He wore a long smock that came to his knees, a battered cap, and homemade sandals tied to his feet with straw. His gait managed to be both furtive and jaunty: he always looked like a nervous foreigner defiantly pretending to be at home. His eyes were set closely either side of a big nose, and he had a wide jaw with a knob of a chin, so that his face looked like a lumpy triangle: Gwenda knew that she resembled him in that. He glanced sidelong at the women he passed in the field, as if he did not want them to know he was observing them.
As he came close, he threw her one of his sneaky looks, up from under his lowered eyelids. He looked down instantly, then looked up again. She lifted her chin and stared back at him haughtily.
Astonishment spread across his face. 'You!' he said. 'What happened?'
'Sim Chapman wasn't a tinker, he was an outlaw.'
'And where is he now?'
'He's in hell, Pa. You'll meet him there.'
'Did you kill him?'
'No.' She had long ago decided to lie about this. 'God killed him. The bridge at Kingsbridge collapsed while Sim was crossing it. God punished him for his sin. Has he punished you yet?'
'God forgives good Christians.'
'Is that all you have to say to me? That God forgives good Christians?'
'How did you escape?'
'I used my wits.'
A crafty look came over his face. 'You're a good girl,' he said.
She stared at him suspiciously. 'What mischief are you planning now?'
'You're a good girl,' he repeated. 'Go in to your mother now. You shall have a cup of ale with your supper.' He walked on.
Gwenda frowned. Pa did not seem afraid of what Ma would say when she learned the truth. Perhaps he thought Gwenda would not tell her, out of shame. Well, he was wrong.
Cath and Joanie were outside the house, playing in the dirt. When they saw Gwenda, they jumped up and ran to her. Skip barked hysterically. Gwenda hugged her sisters, remembering how she had thought she would never see them again; and at that moment she was fiercely glad she had stuck a long knife into Alwyn's head.
She went inside. Ma was sitting on a stool, giving little Eric some milk, helping him hold the cup steady so that he did not spill any. She gave a cry of joy when she saw Gwenda. She put down the cup, stood up, and embraced her. Gwenda began to weep.
Once she had started crying, it was hard to stop. She cried because Sim had led her out of town on a rope, and because she had let Alwyn fuck her, and for all the people who had died when the bridge collapsed, and because Wulfric loved Annet.
When her sobs subsided enough for her to speak again, she said: 'Pa sold me, Ma. He sold me for a cow, and I had to go with outlaws.'
'That was wrong,' her mother said.
'It was worse than wrong! He's wicked, evil - he's a devil.'
Ma withdrew from the embrace. 'Don't say such things.'
'They're true!'
'He's your father.'
'A father doesn't sell his children like livestock. I have no father.'
'He's fed you for eighteen years.'
Gwenda stared uncomprehendingly. 'How can you be so hard? He sold me to outlaws!'
'And he got us a cow. So there's milk for Eric, even though my breasts have dried up. And you're here, aren't you?'
Gwenda was shocked. 'You're defending him!'
'He's all I've got, Gwenda. He's not a prince. He's not even a peasant. He's a landless laborer. But he's done everything he can for this family for almost twenty-five years. He worked when he could and thieved when he had to. He kept you alive, and your brother, and with a fair wind he'll do the same for Cath and Joanie and Eric. Whatever his faults, we'd be worse off without him. So don't you call him a devil.'
Gwenda was struck dumb. She had hardly got used to the idea that her father had betrayed her. Now she had to face the fact that her mother was as bad. She felt disoriented. It was like when the bridge had moved under her feet: she could hardly understand what was happening to her.
Her father came into the house carrying the jug of ale. He seemed not to notice the atmosphere. He took three wooden cups from the shelf over the fireplace. 'Now, then,' he said cheerfully. 'Let's drink to the return of our big girl.'
Gwenda was hungry and thirsty after walking all day. She took the cup and drank deeply. But she knew her father in this mood. 'What are you planning?' she said.
'Well, now,' he said. 'It's the Shiring Fair next week, isn't it?'
'So what?'
'Well...we could do it again.'
She could hardly believe what she was hearing. 'Do what again?'
'I sell you, you go with the buyer, then you escape and come home. You're none the worse.'
'None the worse?'
'And we've got a cow worth twelve shillings! Why, it takes me near half a year of laboring to earn twelve shillings.'
'And after that? What then?'
'Well, there's other fairs - Winchester, Gloucester, I don't know how many.' He refilled her cup from the ale jug. 'Why - this could be better than the year you stole Sir Gerald's purse!'
She did not drink. There was a bitter taste in her mouth, as if she had eaten something corrupt. She thought of arguing with him. Harsh words came to her lips, angry accusations, curses - but she did not speak them. The way she felt was beyond rage. What was the point of having a row? She could never trust her father again. And because Ma refused to be disloyal to him, Gwenda could not trust her either.
'What am I to do?' she said aloud, but she did not want an answer from anyone in the room: the question was to herself. In this family she had become a commodity, to be sold at city fairs. If she was not prepared to accept that, what could she do?
She could leave.
She realized with a shock that this house was no longer a home to her. The blow shook the foundations of her existence. She had lived here since before she could remember. Now she did not feel safe here. She had to get out.
Not next week, she realized; not even tomorrow morning - she had to go now.
She had nowhere to go, but that made no difference. To stay here, and eat the bread her father put on the table, would be to yield to his authority. She would be accepting his evaluation of her, as a commodity to be sold. She was sorry she had drunk the first cup of ale. Her only chance was to reject him immediately and get out from under his roof.
Gwenda looked at her mother. 'You're wrong,' she said. 'He is a devil. And the old stories are right: when you make a bargain with the devil, you end up paying more than you thought.'
Ma looked away.
Gwenda stood up. The refilled cup was still in her hand. She tipped it, pouring the ale on the floor. Skip immediately started to lick it up.
Her father said angrily: 'I paid a farthing for this jug of ale!'
'Good-bye,' said Gwenda, and she walked out.