‘Maybe he’s gone there? There’s places you can go in the deer park, it’s so big …’ What did Lily say? They used to go the park, the young people.
‘It’s a straight road,’ he says, ‘no turn-offs, so we’ll just see him parked up, if that’s where he gone. Or if he’s coming back this way, we’ll see him too. Keep your eyes peeled.’
He sounds so reassuring. But my mind’s racing. The door to the house was left open, I walked in. Does that mean Nicholls was just here? Moving her, rushing maybe, so he didn’t lock up? Should I just call 999 now, try to tell them their detective on my case has been deliberately muddying the truth?
‘If I call the police, will Nicholls hear it on his radio?’ I don’t know how it works. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ I say, my voice half a sob.
‘Tell me what you know.’ His calmness calms me. Now I try to explain, as quickly as I can, what I know. It’s a relief to unburden myself of the load of my knowledge, what led me to that empty attic, where I found the drawings on the back of the door. ‘And it’s all connected, this Jay, I mean Nicholls, I think he did something to Nancy and then hid Sophie away, persuaded her somehow to do what he wanted. He grew up here, it’s all tied into that.’
I keep my eyes ahead, not wanting to catch a look of disbelief. ‘Do you believe me?’ I turn my head, at last.
His face is grim. ‘Yes. Yes, I do. I shouldn’t, but I do. At least – something’s not right, at the very least.’
I lean back in my seat. ‘The police – I don’t know, I don’t know how he’s got so involved in this, in the investigation, but he’s everywhere. I can’t wait for them to wake up. If he’s moved her – it can’t have been far …’ If he’s done something else – if I’ve scared him into doing something stupid – no, don’t think like that. ‘If we catch him up – if he’s gone to the park – then we’ll know what he’s up to.’
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I think that would be wise. We’ll just see where he’s gone, for now, to make sure. Then we can call the police.’ I’m so relieved that someone is taking me seriously – no exclamations, no incredulous questions, just acceptance.
For a moment I’m spent; exhausted. We fall silent. The rain’s coming heavier now, lashing down against the windscreen, the wipers going. It’s almost cosy in the car, and I’m struck by the scene’s complete normality. We could be a couple on the way to the supermarket, were if not for the speed he’s going at; the hedges brush against my side of the car. He’s concentrating as we bomb along on the winding country road. My pocket’s buzzing against my thigh – I slip out my phone and glance down: a voicemail. Automatically, I click to listen and put it to my ear, my arm against the window.
‘Hello,’ says the woman’s friendly voice. ‘This is Valerie from Amberton Surgery. With regard to your enquiry about Mrs Green’s prescription.’ Lily. I hear papers shuffled. ‘Now, her records all appear to be absolutely fine’ – so it’s nothing urgent, I’m about to hang up – ‘but the surgery manager does ask could you give us a call when you’ve a mo. Dr Heath shouldn’t really have her on his register, if he’s next of kin, so she just wants to check – oh’ – a little laugh – ‘that’s a note for me, not for you, sorry. But do give us a call when you can. Bye!’
I click to hang up – and catch his eyes darting to mine. ‘Who’re you on the phone to? I thought you wanted to wait to call the police, together?’
‘I do, it was just a voicemail.’ I drop the phone back to my lap. So she’s fine, her records are fine, well they would say that, that doesn’t answer anything at all, typical. But next of kin. With Dr Heath? What relationship could they have? She’s an aunt maybe, a cousin? They’re so cautious, doctors, all this confidentiality about records and the most mundane of things. Don’t get distracted.
‘So when we get there,’ I start. ‘So when we get there …’ and I can’t finish my thought.
There’s no reason Lily would know he’s my doctor. But he’s had every chance to tell me that he was hers, I asked him outright. I told him about Lily’s pills, that I was worried, and he said he’d look into it.
I glance at him, intent on the road. In profile his face loses its open friendliness.
I don’t really know him. The thought crosses my mind, out of nowhere.
But I don’t. All his concern for my family, solicitous enquiries after my wellbeing, my health, have helped create a sense of intimacy, of history, since we moved here. And yet. He knows a lot about me. I don’t know him, only that he came here after time away, abroad. But where was he before that?
I stare at the wet road ahead.
Dr Nick is related to Lily. And so he’s the person who has been giving her medicine that is making her confused. Forgetful. Unsure of what’s going on near her. In the house she once looked after.
And Lily knew Nancy. She’s been looking after that house, much longer than I first thought. So did Dr Heath know Nancy too? He’s about Jay’s – I mean Nicholls’s – age, too.
And then there is Sophie’s older man, picking her up from school. Someone who she’d trust. Someone we all trusted, maybe. The dark car, that Danny saw Sophie getting into. The bonnet in front of me is blue, navy blue, and we’re slowing now, so we don’t miss the entrance to the deer park – it’s a sharp turn into the car park. And I’m thinking, Dr Heath must be what, early forties? So he’s about Nancy’s age too.
It’s too incredible.
And now we’re here, turning into the car park to the entrance to the deer park, it’s nearly empty now, just the odd car at the far end.
My phone’s still in my lap.
I keep my head up, like I’m still watching the road, and cast down my eyes. And I start tapping in numbers, not moving; surreptitiously. Like I don’t know; like there’s no reason I can’t make a call, I’m not entertaining this ridiculous idea—
‘Who are you calling?’ His voice is flat.
‘I just want to let my sister know where I’ve gone; she’ll be looking for me, you know, and you took the note I left—’
‘Give it to me.’
‘Just one second—’
‘I said, give it to me,’ and my fingers are shaking now, I can’t get the buttons right, it’s him it’s him it’s him—
The blow throws my skull against the side window, the glass smacking against the side of my head. I slump forward over my seatbelt, black spots jumping before my eyes. I can hear myself wheezing. The phone’s slipping out of my hands, now slack, my eyes closing, so I feel, not see him, scrabble at my lap to grab it. And then too quickly it all recedes, the world going dark.
44
My head hurts. I open my eyes. The floor is flat and brown. A dirt floor, gritty against my cheek, covered in a slurry of grey and white. Bird droppings, years and years of them. They must have been nesting in here. There is something wet on my bottom lip, warm and metallic.
Nausea wells up from my stomach. Should I shut my eyes, pretend that I am still out? But then I wouldn’t see him coming. No, keep them slitted, like I can hardly open them.
There are feet in front of me now – shiny leather shoes. I can just focus on the tips.
‘I know you’re awake.’ He crouches down and puts a cool hand on the pulse in my wrist. ‘You’re fine, Kate.’ He straightens up, and walks away. ‘Stop it. I mean it.’
My eyes track up now, from his shoes, to what he is holding.
I lift my head, a couple of inches from the floor, then slowly fold myself round and lean against the wall, feeling it rough through my clothes. My face is still throbbing, my cheekbone is hot. I put one hand to it, checking myself.
The knife is silver and vicious. It doesn’t fit in the hand of this man, in his shirt and tie, his smart work clothes.
I keep my eyes on him, but widen my field of vision to take in the rough walls and the dirt floor, the door behind him. It’s cold, a damp chill coming up from the ground, and the bare light overhead is dirty with cobwebs. I’m in an outhouse, not much more than a room with a roof. I’ve seen them in the deer park, buildings from its farming past.