The man who had pulled down the window shades had blond hair and a soft blond beard. It gave him an unfortunate and inappropriate resemblance to a Nazi. He also had a suppressor which he fitted to the muzzle of his pistol before pointing it at my head.
‘Answer it,’ repeated Epstein.
I did as I was told. Long ago, Angel, Louis and I had agreed a series of red-flag words for circumstances just like this one. I used none of them now, but simply told them that all was well. If I called them in, there would be bloodshed, and nothing would ever be the same again. Better to wait, and see how this played out. I had to believe that Epstein did not want me dead, and I knew that I had done nothing that might cause him to turn against me.
‘I thought I could trust you,’ I said, once I had ended the call.
‘My sentiments exactly. Are you armed?’
‘No.’
‘That’s unusual for you. Are you certain?’
I stood slowly, put my hands up, and turned to face the wall. I smelled Liat’s scent, and felt her hands upon me.
‘And there I was thinking we had something special,’ I said to her.
But she, of course, did not reply.
She stepped back, and I sat down again. This time there were no sly looks as she leaned against the counter. Her face betrayed nothing.
‘Why are you behaving like this?’ I asked Epstein. ‘You know what I’ve done. I’ve fought the same fight that you have. Those wounds didn’t come out of nowhere.’
‘I sacrificed a son,’ said Epstein.
‘And I a wife and child.’
‘They were lost to you before all this began.’
‘No, they’re part of it. I know they are.’
‘You know nothing. You don’t even know yourself. The first question one must ask of a thing is, what is its nature? What is your nature, Mr Parker?’
I wanted to spring at him for his dismissal of the deaths of my wife and daughter. I wanted to take his throat in my hands and crush it, to pummel him until there was nothing left but a mask of blood. I wanted to put a gun in the mouths of his thugs, his religious soldiers, and watch them squirm. If those whom I had thought of as allies were prepared to turn their guns on me, then I had no need of enemies.
I took a breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them again the anger had begun to fade. If this was a provocation, I would not rise to it.
‘You’re quoting Marcus Aurelius,’ I said. ‘Either you’ve read the Meditations, or a serial killer novel. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume the former, in which case you’ll know he also warned that each day one would meet violent, ungrateful, uncharitable men, and their actions arose through ignorance of good and evil. If you want to understand a man’s nature, he said, look to what he shuns, and what he cleaves to. I think I overestimated you, rabbi. Underneath your cultivated veneer of calm and wisdom, you’re a confused, frightened man.’
‘And I know it,’ he replied. ‘I will admit to it. But you, you refuse to look too deeply into yourself for fear of what you might find there. What are you, Mr Parker? What are you?’
I stood slowly. The man with the suppressor on his gun tracked me.
‘I’m the man who killed the one who took your son,’ I said, and I saw him flinch. ‘I did what you and your people could not. Now what are you going to do, rabbi: shoot me? Bury me somewhere deep along with the others you’ve found, the ones who think they’re fallen angels or risen demons? Do it. I’m tired. Whatever wrong I’ve done, whatever my failings, I’ve tried to make reparation for them. I have nothing left to prove to you. If you think I do, then you’re a fool.’
For a moment nobody moved, and nobody spoke. Liat’s eyes moved from my face to the rabbi’s. He glanced at her, and I saw him give her the barest nod. From the pocket of her coat she produced a sheet of paper and tossed it on the table before me.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
‘It’s a list of names,’ said Epstein. ‘It’s similar to the one that you gave to me yesterday, but it came from a different source. It’s more recent.’
I didn’t touch it. I left it where it lay.
‘Don’t you want to look at it?’
‘No. I’m done with you. I’m going to walk out of here, and if one of your knuckle-draggers wants to shoot me in the back along the way, then let him, but you’ll all be dead before the night is out. Angel and Louis will tear you apart, and for the next eleven months, rabbi, every time one of your children rises to say Kaddish for you, they’ll receive a piece of you in the mail.’
Epstein raised his right hand, then let it fall gently. The guns were lowered, and I heard a click as a hammer was slowly eased down. The fear and anger that had briefly animated Epstein left him, and he was once again as he had always been, or seemed to be.
‘If you wish to leave, none here will stop you,’ he said. ‘But look at the list first.’
‘Why?’
Epstein smiled sadly.
‘Because your name is on it.’