Repentance could wait.
The two women chatted as they drove to the house. It seemed that Caroline and William had been on their way to visit friends in Providence, Rhode Island, when the tire blew. Barbara tried to figure out where they might have been coming from to have found themselves in her neck of the woods. When she asked, Caroline said that she had taken a wrong turn somewhere, and Barbara did not pursue the matter further.
‘You been to Providence before?’ asked Barbara.
‘Couple of times when I was a student. I was a Lovecraft fan.’
‘Yeah? I never really got Lovecraft. He was too hysterical for my liking, too overblown.’
‘That’s not an unfair criticism, I guess,’ said Caroline. ‘But perhaps he was that way because he understood the true nature of the universe, or thought he did.’
‘You mean ancient green demons with weird stuff covering their mouths?’
‘Hah! Not like that, although who knows? No, I mean the bleakness of it, its coldness, its absence of mercy.’
The word ‘mercy’ struck at Barbara like a blade. She could almost feel the infected lymph nodes responding to the stimulus of the word, a painful counterpoint to the demands of her lower body. I’m like a walking metaphor, she thought.
‘Cheerful,’ said Barbara, and the woman beside her laughed.
‘A puncture in the rain will do that to a girl,’ she said.
Barbara signaled right, and they turned into the short drive that led to her house. The lights were on inside. It looked warm and welcoming.
‘I never asked,’ said Caroline, ‘but where were you going when you found us? We haven’t taken you away from anything urgent, I hope.’
A church, Barbara almost replied. I was going to a church.
‘No,’ said Barbara, ‘it was nothing important. It’ll wait.’
She showed them into the living room. She brought them towels with which to dry themselves, and invited them to remove their shoes. They both did so, although the boy seemed reluctant. Nevertheless, he insisted on keeping his windbreaker zipped, and the hood raised. It made him look even more like a malevolent dwarf. Barbara could see that he was overweight. Perhaps he was embarrassed by his appearance. The woman smiled at him indulgently, then followed Barbara into the hallway as she hung up her coat to dry.
‘He’s very much his own man,’ she said. ‘Sometimes I wonder who is really in charge in our home.’
Barbara glanced at the woman’s ring finger. She wore no wedding band. Caroline knew where she was looking, and waved her left hand.
‘Still free and single,’ she said.
‘The father?’
‘He’s not around anymore,’ said Caroline, and although she spoke lightly an undertone made it clear that any further questions on the subject would not be welcomed. ‘What about you? You married?’
‘Only to my job.’
‘What do you do?’
‘I’m a consultant.’ It was her standard reply to the question.
‘That sounds very vague.’
‘I advise on contracts and negotiations.’
‘You’re a lawyer?’
‘I have legal training.’
Caroline laughed. ‘I’ll let it drop,’ she said.
‘Sorry,’ said Barbara, and laughed in turn. ‘My work isn’t very interesting.’
‘Oh, I’m sure that’s not true. You seem too smart a person to end up doing a job that’s dull.’
‘Another one deceived,’ said Barbara.
‘Such modesty. So, you may be married to your job, but do you fool around on the side?’
Barbara caught a glimpse of herself in the hallway mirror, and turned away. She did not consider herself attractive. Her hair was lank and dull, her face unremarkable. She could count her sexual partners on one hand, with fingers to spare.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I don’t fool around much at all.’
Caroline looked at her quizzically.
‘Do you prefer women to men?’
The bluntness of the question surprised Barbara.
‘Why do you ask?’
‘Just a vibe. It’s not a judgment or anything.’
Barbara let a couple of seconds go by.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I prefer women to men. In fact, I’ve only ever dated one man. I was young. It didn’t take. I’ve always been sexually attracted to women.’
Caroline shrugged. ‘Hey, I’ve been with women. I prefer men, but I was wild in my youth.’
She winked at Barbara. Jesus, thought Barbara, this one is really something. She’s perfect. It was almost as if she were—