She hadn’t told anyone, not even Dr Geeson, but in recent months she’d noticed this sort of thing happening more and more. It was the same sensation as trying to grasp the contents of a dream upon waking. The harder she tried, the more it evaded her.
On occasion, she could recall a vague sense of something she had once known or been told, but the detail was a devil to recover and Cora had reached the conclusion that it was far easier to give up than to feel continually frustrated that she could only grasp a thread of it.
Of course, there was no denying she was getting older, but she was far from over the hill. A bit of forgetfulness she could handle, but the trouble was, the newspapers and magazines seemed to be full of articles on dementia: how you could tell if you had it, what you could do to avoid it… Far from being helpful, Cora found it all rather a worry.
Holly’s voice broke into her troubled musings.
‘The agency just emailed my details over to the store. I’ve an interview at ten thirty in the morning!’ she told Cora excitedly. ‘It’s just a retail assistant position, not great money, but I’ve checked and I can easily get there on the bus. I never thought I’d be given an opportunity within days of arriving here.’
‘And this is a full-time position?’ Cora said, her voice brittle.
She wasn’t really interested in Holly’s job and felt quite peeved that her new companion had already found something else to do with time that could have been spent listening to Cora’s interesting stories.
Holly had seemed so fascinated by them when she’d first arrived, but now, this wretched interview was suddenly all she wanted to discuss.
‘Yes, full-time Monday to Saturday, with a day off in the week.’ She thought for a moment, a runner bean speared mid-air on her fork. ‘Oh yes, and once I’m up to speed, I could request two Saturdays a month off if I want them.’
‘As I’ve said before, you needn’t rush into anything on my account.’ Cora sniffed. ‘You don’t want to take some dead-end, low-paid job just for the sake of it, do you now?’
Holly’s face dropped, but Cora couldn’t help herself.
‘You know, I could probably lend you a bit of money to tide you over, if you needed it.’
‘Thank you, Cora,’ Holly said, laying down her cutlery. ‘That’s really kind of you, but I wouldn’t dream of putting on you like that. If I get the job, I’ll even be able to pay you some rent.’
‘Nonsense, I wouldn’t have offered unless I meant it. And I think of you as my guest or a visitor, not a tenant.’
Holly paused, keen to make herself properly understood.
‘It’s not just the money, Cora. It’s about starting a new life here in Nottingham. Perhaps I could make a few friends at work and go to the cinema or the bowling alley… just normal stuff that people of my age do, you know?’
Cora stood up and picked up her plate.
‘Oh, are you finished already?’ Holly exclaimed, watching her face. ‘You’ve only eaten half your meal, I hope I didn’t—’
‘I’m just not hungry any more,’ Cora said curtly. ‘I think I’m going to have a little lie-down.’
Chapter Seventeen
Holly
That night, Holly fell fast asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, but then, in the early hours, she woke and tossed and turned for what seemed like forever.
At some point she dropped off again, and quite deeply, because the alarm trilling out at seven thirty woke her with a start.
A warm feeling flooded her solar plexus, followed by a fluttering in her stomach when she remembered her interview today. Three hours and she’d be there… This could be the start of solving her problems and making a fresh start. Far earlier than she’d expected.
She pushed her feet into her old slippers and grabbed a worn, bobbled cardigan from the bottom of the bed.
She looked down and saw the laptop, the amber light on the front now turned to green, indicating it was fully charged. She’d thought about it a few times, this important portal to finding and contacting Evan, but she hadn’t really felt strong enough to deal with what she might find.
Today, though, felt like a good day, a lucky day. She promised herself she’d take a quick look later. She couldn’t afford to crush her spirit, but she had to try every avenue out there.
She owed it to herself, and to Evan, to be vigilant.
And if she got the job today, one of the first things she’d already decided she’d treat herself to was a fluffy white dressing gown like the one Geraldine had worn. Well, not exactly like that one, of course – Holly could never afford a Ralph Lauren robe – but it would be something just as soft and comfortable.
It seemed a bizarre and indulgent thought to have, but it would signify something powerful to her. She’d learned from the past that the value of staying upbeat was immeasurable.
That would be, of course, if she had enough left over after starting to make inroads into the mountain of debt she’d incurred over the past year.
The payday loans, overdrafts and credit cards had all been used not to buy fancy clothes and make-up or fabulous restaurant meals, but to pay for her various methods of trying to find Geraldine and Evan.
A private investigator, cabs, train fares, online searches and, finally, the documentation she’d needed to collate to come back to her home town… it had added up surprisingly quickly.
The fluttering sensation moved up to Holly’s throat.
She’d lain awake in the early hours, but for once, it hadn’t been the debt that was unsettling her. She’d been fretting that she’d upset Cora in some way. She couldn’t fathom exactly how; she was just judging it on Cora’s grim expression and the way she had snatched up her unfinished plate so suddenly.
They’d been having a perfectly nice conversation and Cora had made a real effort to prepare a nice tea. Then, out of the blue, a strange look had come over her face and she’d simply stood up and left Holly sitting at the table to finish her meal alone.
Perhaps the older woman was getting a little confused. Holly had noticed the other day that the tea canister had been put back in the fridge and the fresh milk in the cupboard.
She’d decided not to mention it. Cora was in her seventies and Holly didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. After all, no harm had been done; she’d probably just got a lot on her mind.
Holly decided she’d go downstairs now and make Cora a cup of tea. Perhaps they’d have breakfast together and put last night behind them.
She could only try.
* * *
Two hours later, Holly boarded the bus for the twenty-minute ride into town.
She’d given herself an hour to get to the interview, but still she couldn’t get rid of the uneasy churning in her stomach. She knew herself well enough to determine that the best thing she could do to avoid the steel grip of anxiety was get into town early and walk off the nervous feeling once she arrived.
She paid her fare and took a seat, already feeling calmer now that she was on her way and wouldn’t be late for her interview.
As the bus trundled away, she turned to catch a glimpse of Baker Crescent.
It was odd to see that the curtains were closed again at Cora’s bedroom window. The door to that room had been ajar this morning and Holly had glanced in to see a neatly made bed and drawn curtains. Cora had already been up and pottering around downstairs.
Holly wondered if she’d had gone back to bed, although she had her pegged as a bit of a stickler for rising early and getting things done.
She thought about the contents of the letter she’d found in Cora’s bedroom and smiled.
She wasn’t sure how, but maybe the closed curtains had something to do with that. There was no rush to find out; time would tell. The last thing Holly wanted to do was make Cora aware she knew her secret. She would no doubt be annoyed, and quite rightly.
Before she’d left the house, Holly had made tea and toast as planned and Cora had seemed her usual bright self again, so she’d decided not to mention last night’s little misunderstanding – if that was what it was.