‘No!’
‘I give,’ Ang insisted. ‘For Anna is happy.’
James’s nose tingled with sudden emotion. It would take more than a strip of needlework to make Anna happy. There was only one thing that would ever make her happy again, and even James couldn’t give her that. Instead he had been the one who had taken her happiness away from her. It was hard to remember now that they had ever been happy at all, but they had been, and he had to hold on to that.
He felt a sudden prick of anger at Ang. His guilt wasn’t Ang’s to fix. Let the little bastard find a guilt of his own and fix that!
‘No!’ he said, more roughly than he’d meant to. Ang flinched and stopped picking at the tape.
Immediately James felt bad. Ang wasn’t being mean: he had seen Anna’s pain and offered up the only thing of value he appeared to own.
Unselfishly.
‘Thanks, mate,’ James said. ‘But your mother made it. You keep it.’
‘Two sugars in mine,’ demanded Mikey from the doorway, and Ang swung the cupboard door shut.
‘Feck, it’s freezing.’ Mikey was only five-eight, but he filled any room with his big voice and his restless nature. He sat noisily in one of the chairs and picked up the aftershave. ‘Goal.’ He read the name, then punched the air with both fists. ‘GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL!’
They all laughed. Mikey had the knack of making everything feel OK again. James was glad he’d walked in when he had.
Ang held out his hand for the bottle, but Mikey sniffed it and winced. ‘Jesus! That’s one nostril won’t need picking for a week! Who’s the lucky lady, Ang?’
Ang looked at him blankly and Mikey tapped the bottle in salutation. ‘You got a girlfriend?’
‘Girlfend?’
‘Girl. Woman. You know,’ said Mikey and traced a universal hourglass with his hands.
Ang shook his head. ‘Shit, no.’
‘You should get one,’ said Mikey. ‘Shouldn’t he, boys?’
‘Get what one?’ said Pavel, hanging up his coat. ‘He should get a girl,’ Mikey went on. ‘Young fella like him. Good looking, sense of humour, own teeth.’
‘Own broom,’ snorted Pavel, as he lit a black cigarette.
‘Ahh, girls love a man with a broom,’ said Mikey. ‘A broom’s a big turn-on to the ladies.’
He winked at Ang, who grinned and held out his hand again. This time Mikey gave him the aftershave and Ang put it under the sink.
James put a mug of tea in front of each of them.
‘How long have you been here, Ang?’ said Mikey.
Ang held up three fingers.
‘Three years. And how old are you?’
‘Twenty-one,’ said Ang.
‘Bollocks’ said Mikey, and he and James laughed while Pavel merely raised an eyebrow. ‘But you should get a nice girl,’ Mikey went on. ‘Even better, get a nasty one, hey, Pavel?’
He winked at Pavel, who only shrugged and blew three perfect smoke rings.
Ang shrugged and gestured at the kitchen. ‘Where?’
Mikey looked around and then waved away his concerns. ‘Easy. Get this place done up. Brian won’t mind. Bit of carpet on the floor. No windows, so you don’t need curtains. Get a lamp—’
‘A double bench,’ said James.
‘That’s right!’ laughed Mikey. ‘You’d have a girl in no time. I mean, you’re almost as gorgeous as me!’
‘Of course,’ said Pavel, ‘but he never as white as you.’
‘Nobody’s as white as me,’ said Mikey proudly, twisting the hairs that curled like vermicelli around the strap of his wristwatch.
‘He had a girlfriend,’ said James. ‘What was her name?’
Ang looked blank, so James appealed to the others. ‘Remember?’
‘No,’ said Mikey.
Pavel shook his head and looked doubly cynical.
‘Yes, you do,’ said James. ‘Her name was Zij or Zo? or something. We were going to meet her father and everything.’
‘Aah! That’s right!’ said Mikey. ‘But he didn’t know where she lived.’
‘She don’t tell,’ shrugged Pavel laconically.
‘Of course,’ laughed Mikey. ‘Because who wants their fecking fiancé coming round their house!’
They all laughed except for Ang.
‘Don’t worry, mate,’ said James. ‘She wasn’t the one for you.’
Ang nodded sadly. ‘She break my hat.’
‘She what?’ said James.
‘She break my hat.’
They all stared at him quizzically until James had a lightbulb moment. ‘She broke your heart.’
Mikey spat tea across the room he laughed so hard, and even Pavel chuckled without smiling, making his cigarette wobble between his lips.
Ang looked mournful enough to make the whole thing even funnier, and they didn’t stop laughing until Brian Pigeon came in and told them to stop enjoying themselves and get to work, or they could all go back to whatever third-world shithole they came from and stop stealing his money for doing bugger all.
James could have reminded him that he paid shite wages and bugger all national insurance by employing illegal immigrants. But he didn’t, of course.
He worked in Brian’s garage and he lived right next door in Brian’s flat.
He wasn’t saying a thing.
16
THE KITCHEN TABLE was a mess. James was naturally untidy, and it was already covered with junk – torn envelopes, bills, pizza boxes, dirty plates, tools, newspapers.
Anna sat at the table with a cup of tea and fed Charlie. Those little gurgles, the happy panting of impatience for the next spoonful of chicken and vegetables.
If she closed her eyes – as she often did – he might as well be Daniel.
But it only took her one cup of tea in close proximity to the mess to decide she could never not care about germs. She sighed and got up and put Charlie out of harm’s way, then flapped open a bin bag. She used her forearm to sweep much of the rubbish into the bag.