Selena is in their room, alone; the others must still be in the showers. She’s cross-legged on her bed, brushing out her wet hair and humming. When Julia comes in she glances up and smiles.
She looks the same. Just seeing her gentles Julia’s heartbeat; one breath, and the layer of grime the Daleks left behind starts to blow away. So suddenly and overwhelmingly it nearly knocks her breath out, Julia wants to be touching Selena, pressing up hard against the familiar curve of her shoulder, the solid warmth of her arm.
Selena says, ‘You could text Finn to meet you.’
It takes Julia’s mind a minute to pull out what she’s talking about. ‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘Maybe.’
‘Have you got his number?’
‘Yeah. It doesn’t matter. I’ll see him whenever.’
Julia sits on the floor, starts undoing her runners and fights with her mind. If Selena was with Chris, she’d have found a way to get to the social on Saturday, in case he hooked up with some other girl. If Selena had gone out last night, the rest of them would have woken up. If Selena had been with Chris, she wouldn’t be first back from the showers; she’d want extra time to wash off the smell of him, of night grass, of guilt. If Selena had been with a guy, it would show, clear as suck marks blotched across her neck. If Selena had done that, she’d be staticky with it, she’d need to talk, need to tell, she’d need to somehow make it all— ‘Lenie.’
‘Mmm?’
Selena looks up. Clear blue eyes, untroubled.
‘Nothing.’
Selena nods peacefully and goes back to brushing.
The whole vow thing was Selena’s idea to begin with. If she hadn’t wanted to do it, all she’d have had to do was keep her mouth shut. But getting the key, finding a way to get out at night, that was Selena’s idea too— There’s a knot in Julia’s shoelace. She digs her nails into it.
She feels Selena’s eyes on the top of her head, hears her stop humming. She hears the quick indrawn breath as Selena braces herself to say something.
Julia doesn’t look up. She tugs at the knot till a nail splits.
Silence. Then the long swish of the brush again, and Selena humming.
It has to be bullshit. If the Colm’s guys had a way to get out of school, everyone would know. But if they don’t, then who was Gemma meeting, unless Gemma was making up the whole thing— ‘That song!’ Holly yells, bouncing in smelling of strawberries, with her armful of PE gear flying everywhere and her hair turbaned up into a stripy ice-cream swirl. ‘What’s that song? The one you’re humming?’ But neither of them can remember.
Julia gets a text from Finn during first study period. See you sat eve? Got a surprise for you.
‘Phones off,’ says the prefect supervising them, without looking up. The common room feels dim and dirty, light bulbs struggling against the murk outside and losing.
‘Sorry, forgot.’ Julia slides the phone under her maths book and texts blind: Not going sat. After a moment she adds, 2moro after school? Got sthing for you too.
She sets her phone on silent, sticks it in her pocket and goes back to pretending to care about maths. It’s less than a minute before she feels the buzz against her leg. The field, like 4.15?
The thought of Finn hanging out in the Field gives Julia a twinge that’s too stupid even to think about. See you there, she texts back, and switches her phone off. Across the table, Selena works quadratic equations in a steady, tranquil rhythm. When she feels Julia’s eyes on her, she glances up.
Before she can help herself, Julia nods upwards, at the overhead bulb. Selena’s eyebrows pull together: Why? Julia mouths, Go on.
Selena’s hand tightens around her pencil. The light bulb flares; the common room leaps alive, instantly huge and rippling with colours. Around the tables people glance up, startled and golden, but it’s already over; the air has turned muddy again, and their faces are sinking back into dimness.
Selena smiles across at Julia, like she’s handed her a tiny sweet present. Julia smiles back. She knows she should feel better, and she does, but somehow not as much as she hoped.
When they slide past the wire fencing the next afternoon, the Daleks are already perched on their pile of breeze blocks, making squealy noises to get the attention of a handful of Colm’s guys who are on the rusty machine, shoving each other to get the attention of the Daleks. Finn is sitting on another breeze-block heap, drawing on the side of his runner. It’s a grey day, damp and chilly; against the solid skyful of cloud his hair looks like you could warm your hands at it. Seeing him feels even better than Julia expected.
‘Back in a sec,’ she says to the others, and starts to speed up. It feels all wrong, wanting to get away from them snagging at her, to Finn where it’s safe and easy.
Holly says after her, ‘Careful.’ Julia rolls her eyes and doesn’t look back. She can feel Holly watching her all the way across the Field.
‘Hey,’ she says, pulling herself up onto the breeze blocks next to Finn.
His face lights up. He stops drawing and straightens. ‘Hi,’ he says. ‘How come you’re not going Saturday?’
‘Family shit.’ The Daleks have exploded into a flappy little whirlwind of sniggers and glances. Julia waves and blows them a kiss.
‘Man,’ Finn says, putting his pen away in a jeans pocket. ‘They don’t like you, do they?’
‘No shit,’ Julia says. ‘And I don’t like them, so it’s all good. What’ve you got for me?’
‘You first.’
Julia has been looking forward to this for weeks. ‘Ta-da,’ she says, holding out her phone. She can’t keep the grin off her face.
The photo shows her on the back lawn, which was dumb because any of the nuns could have looked out of their bedroom windows, but Julia was feeling daring. Duckface, hand on cocked hip, other hand flourished over her head pointing up at the clock. Midnight, bang on.
(‘Are you positive?’ Holly asked, Julia’s phone in her hand.
‘Hell yes,’ Julia said, glancing up at the clock to make sure it would fit in the shot. ‘Why not?’
‘Because he’s going to know we sneak out, is why not.’ Behind Holly’s head, Selena and Becca watched from under the trees, pale bobbing faces, waiting.
‘We never said anything about not trusting guys,’ Julia said. ‘Just not touching them.’
‘Yeah, and we never said anything about, like, skipping around telling anyone who’s a good laugh.’
‘Finn’s not going to rat on us,’ Julia said. ‘I swear. OK?’
Holly shrugged. Julia struck a pose and pointed over her head at the clock. ‘Go,’ she said.
The flash blazed white lines of trees across their eyes like lightning and Holly and Julia ran for cover, ducking low, gasping with laughter.) ‘I’ll take my tenner now,’ Julia says. ‘And an apology. I like them with extra grovelling.’
‘Fair enough,’ Finn says. ‘You want me to get down on my knees?’
‘Tempting, but nah. Just make it good.’