The Secret Place

To keep the girls occupied, God help them, McKenna had started a singalong. Their voices straggled down the corridor to meet us, thin and threadbare. O Mary, we crown thee with blossoms today . . .

 

The common room was too hot, even with the windows open. The dinner plates were scattered around, mostly barely touched; the smell of cooled chicken pie turned me starving and queasy at the same time. The girls’ eyes were glazed and ricocheting, to each other, the windows, to Alison huddled in an armchair under a pile of hoodies.

 

Half of them were barely moving their lips. Queen of the angels and queen of the may . . . It took them a second to notice us. Then the voices faltered and died.

 

‘Selena,’ Conway said, barely a nod to McKenna. ‘Got a minute?’

 

Selena had been singing along, absently, gazing into nowhere. She looked at us like she was trying to work out who we were, before she got up and came.

 

‘Remember, Selena,’ McKenna told her, as she passed, ‘if at any point you feel in need of support, you can simply put a stop to the interview and ask to have me or another teacher present. The detectives are aware of that.’

 

Selena smiled at her. ‘I’m fine,’ she said, reassuring.

 

‘She is, of course,’ Conway said cheerfully. ‘Hang on for us in your room, yeah, Selena?’

 

As Selena wandered off down the corridor: ‘Julia,’ Conway said, beckoned. ‘Come here a sec.’

 

Julia had her back to us, hadn’t moved when we came in. In the second when she turned around, she looked wrecked: grey and tense, all the spark faded out of her. By the time she reached us she’d found a last bit of zip somewhere, gave us the smart eye again.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

Conway pulled the door to behind her. Quietly, so as not to reach Selena: ‘How come you never told me you had a thing going with Finn Carroll?’

 

Julia’s jaw tightened. ‘Bloody Joanne. Right?’

 

‘Doesn’t matter. Last year, I asked you about relationships with Colm’s guys. How come you said nothing?’

 

‘Because there was nothing to say. It wasn’t a relationship; Finn and I never touched each other. We just liked each other. As actual human beings. And that’s exactly why we didn’t tell anyone we were hanging out, which we barely even were anyway, only for like two seconds. But we knew everyone would be like, “OMG, hee-hee-hee, Finn and Julia sitting in a tree . . . ” And we didn’t feel like putting up with that bullshit. OK?’

 

I thought of Joanne and Gemma, snickering low in the darkness, and I believed her. So did Conway. ‘OK,’ she said. ‘Fair enough.’ And as Julia turned away: ‘What’s Finn at these days? He doing OK?’

 

Just for a second, the slash of grief turned Julia’s face into an adult’s. ‘I wouldn’t know,’ she said, and went back into the common room and closed the door.

 

 

 

Selena was waiting outside her room. The low sun through the window at the end of the corridor sent her shadow towards us, floating over the glowing red tiles. The singing had started up again. O virgin most tender, our homage we render . . .

 

Selena said, ‘It’s break time. We should be outside. People are getting sort of fidgety.’

 

‘I know, yeah,’ Conway said, brushing past her and getting comfortable on Julia’s bed. Sitting differently this time, one foot tucked under her, teenager curled up for a chat. ‘Tell you what: when we finish up with all this, I’ll ask McKenna if she’d let yous have a late break outside. How’s that?’

 

Selena glanced down the corridor, dubious. ‘I guess.’

 

In danger defend us, in sorrow befriend us . . . Raggedy, splintering at the edges. I thought I saw that flash of wide-awake silver in Selena’s face again, saw her seeing something we shouldn’t miss.

 

If it was there, Conway didn’t spot it. ‘Great. Have a seat.’ Selena sat on the edge of her bed. I shut the door – the singing vanished – and melted into a corner, got out my notebook to hide behind.

 

‘Lovely.’ Conway pulled out her phone, tapped at the screen. ‘Have a look at this,’ she said, and passed it to Selena.

 

It hit her. Even if I hadn’t been able to hear it – bumping footsteps, rustling branches – I’d’ve known what it was, by Selena.

 

She went white, not red. Her head reared back, away from the screen, and her face had a terrible, violated dignity to it. The shorn hair, nothing to hide behind, made her look stripped naked. I felt like I should look away.

 

‘Who?’ she said. She pressed her other hand down over the phone, palm covering the screen. ‘How?’

 

‘Joanne,’ Conway said. ‘Her and Gemma followed you. I’m sorry for hitting you with this, it’s a dirty trick, but it seems like it’s the only way to get you to stop claiming you weren’t going out with Chris. And I can’t afford to waste any more time on that. OK?’

 

Selena waited, like she couldn’t hear anything else, till the muffled sounds from under her palm ended. Then she loosened her hands – it took an effort – and passed the phone back to Conway.

 

‘OK,’ she said. Her breath was still coming hard, but she had her voice under control. ‘I was meeting Chris.’

 

‘Thanks,’ Conway said. ‘I appreciate that. And he gave you a secret phone that you used to keep in touch. Why was that?’

 

‘We were keeping things private.’

 

‘Whose idea was that?’

 

‘Chris’s.’

 

Conway shifted an eyebrow. ‘You didn’t mind?’

 

Selena shook her head. Her colour was starting to come back.

 

‘No? Me, I would’ve minded. I’d’ve figured, either this guy thinks I’m not good enough to take out in public, or he wants to keep his options open. Either way, I’m not happy.’

 

Selena said simply, ‘I didn’t think that.’

 

Conway left a pause, but that was it. ‘Fair enough,’ she said. ‘Would you say it was a good relationship?’