“God, yes.”
She carefully climbed into his hospital bed with him, spooning up behind him and resting her arm as gently as she could over his side.
“You smell like the ocean,” he said. “You smell like heaven.”
She smiled. “What does heaven smell like?”
“It smells like...” He yawned hugely, which made her yawn hugely. “It smells like a girl when she kisses you.”
Allison took the hint. She leaned up and over him and kissed him on the temple before lying down again a little closer.
“Allison?” He sounded half asleep already.
“Yes, Antonio?” she said.
“If I weren’t drugged up I’d have a boner.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said.
“Tits could be bigger, though.”
“It’s true,” she said. “They could be bigger.”
“You’ll come see me again?” he asked.
“Yes, I will,” she said, and it was a promise she fully intended to keep. “You were right, by the way.”
“About what?” Antonio asked. He sounded so tired she wondered if he knew what he was saying.
“Dr. Capello did do something to me in that house.”
“Ah,” Antonio said. “Told you so.”
Chapter 24
Allison stayed with Antonio until she was certain he was sleeping comfortably. She left her phone number with Michael, who seemed to be Antonio’s closest, likely only, friend at Fairwood, in case of an emergency. She also put ten thousand dollars on Antonio’s commissary account so he could make his room more of a home. It felt inadequate, but what would be? After, she got into her car and left to return to The Dragon. Why was she going back after all she learned? She could take her money and run. She could leave without saying goodbye. But she couldn’t leave without looking Dr. Capello in the eyes and asking him one question.
As she drove she remembered it all again, remembered it fully, every minute, every moment. The second she’d seen the mouth guard being forced between Antonio’s lips, seen his back rise off the bed like an electric shock had ripped through him...everything came back, came back like water filling an empty fountain. Everything she’d forgotten, everything she’d repressed, everything she hadn’t remembered and hadn’t wanted to remember, and everything stolen from her by someone who was supposed to be her savior... It bubbled up from the bottom, crept across the floor and rose and rose to the very edge where it threatened to spill over.
It had all started that day on the beach, the day she and Roland had kissed. She’d been wrong to tell him that the kiss and her leaving the house had nothing to do with each other. They had everything to do with each other.
Everything.
She’d skipped breakfast for the third morning in a row. That’s the excuse Thora had used to come to her room, to check on her, to get inside when she’d refused entrance to everyone else in the house.
Allison wasn’t even hungry. That’s not why she let Thora inside her room. She didn’t want the food on the plate. She just had to tell someone what had happened.
Thora thought it was something else. Thora, barely fifteen and as pretty as a Seventeen magazine model in her short khaki skirt and white knit top, sat on the side of Allison’s bed and asked her if she’d finally started having her period.
Allison whispered a denial. She wished it were something like that.
“Then what is it?” Thora asked. “Please, tell me. I won’t tell anybody. I can keep secrets.”
“You swear?” Allison couldn’t face her. She lay on her side under the covers, though the room was stuffy with summer heat.
“I swear to God,” Thora said. “You haven’t left your room in days. What is it?”
Allison told Thora what had happened.
The wave.
Roland carrying her to the beach.
Straddling him and how good it had felt.
Why did that feel so good?
The kiss.
That stupid kiss.
Roland’s hands on her waist, on her thighs.
The sound he’d made when Allison had moved her hips.
She told Thora everything. It all came out in one long tortured monologue, whispered between gulping sobs.
The child in Allison had expected the worst, that Thora would condemn her and mock her. The little bit of Allison that was growing into a young woman thought Thora would maybe tell her she was overreacting, that it was no big deal.
Thora hadn’t done either.
“I have to tell you something,” Thora said, and the tone of her voice made Allison finally roll over in her bed to face her. Thora was ashen. Even her lips looked white, bloodless.
“Tell me what?” Allison asked.
“You can’t tell anyone I told you,” Thora said. “I’ll keep your secret, you keep this one. You have to swear. I’m not supposed to know.”
Thora’s mouth was such a tight line it would have taken a pair of pliers to open it up.
Allison said the two words necessary to unlock Thora’s lips.
“I swear.”
Then Thora told her a story. Thora told her the story of how she’d wanted to peek at Dad’s medical files he kept under lock and key in the closet in his office. She wanted to know something—didn’t matter what, Thora said, so don’t ask.
Allison didn’t ask.
Thora waited until a night when everyone was going to see a movie in Astoria. And right before they were all about to leave the house and pile into Dad’s van, Thora had said she changed her mind, had an upset stomach, didn’t feel like going.
Everyone went without her.
And when she was alone in the house, she looked high and low and in and out and finally she found the key to the closet and the key to the filing cabinet. She found the files she was looking for and sat down in the closet to read them.
“What did you find out?” Allison asked, fascinated now, far more fascinated than scared or ashamed.
“You need to be careful around Roland,” Thora said. “You need to stay away from him.”
“Why?” That made no sense to Allison. Roland wasn’t just nice, he was the nicest. He wasn’t dangerous. She was the one who’d kissed him...
“He had a sister named Rachel,” Thora whispered. “She’s dead.”
“Dead?”
Then Thora said the three ugliest words Allison had ever heard.
“Roland killed her.”
Someone knocked on the door. Hard. Loud.
“Girls?” It was Dr. Capello. “Everything all right in here?”
Thora looked at her frozen on the bed.
“Don’t be alone with Roland. Ever,” Thora said, and that was all. Then she ran to the door and opened it.
“Hi, Daddy,” Thora said. “Everything’s fine.”
“You missed breakfast again, young lady,” Dr. Capello said to her. And Allison knew she needed to lie if she were going to survive.
“I had an upset stomach,” Allison said.
Dr. Capello looked at Thora, who nodded, and Allison knew she had a partner in the lie. Thora was going to let Dr. Capello think it had been girl trouble and that’s all this was.
“Let me know if you need anything,” Dr. Capello said. “Feel better, doll. Come on, Thora. Allison’s not feeling well. Let her rest.”
Thora hadn’t wanted to leave, but she wasn’t as quick on her feet as Allison had been. After giving Allison one last look of warning, she walked away.
And alone in the room in her pretty little blue bed, Allison’s heart died.
Eternity passed while Allison rocked back and forth, her arms around her knees, crying and shaking, too scared to leave her room. Roland had killed a little girl. Roland had killed his sister. Thora was scared Roland would kill her, too.
The house’s morning sounds faded to silence. Roland was at work at his new job at that fancy restaurant in Clark Beach. Allison knew Dr. Capello would be up in his office. Kendra was probably in her room reading. Deacon and Thora lived on the beach during the summer. Oliver had left two days ago. And from her bedroom window, she saw Dr. Capello walk out the front door and take his usual path into the woods for his daily ramble.