“What does that mean?”
I hesitate, but I can see Cassie winding up to give me her you-said-no-more-lies speech, so I tell them that we told Joshua that Franny isn’t who she says she is as the kitchen starts to fill with the wonderful smell of garlic bread. Henry seems nonplussed—all of this is very much grown-up stuff and he still sometimes wears footie pajamas—but Cassie looks upset.
“We need to talk to Uncle Joshua. Tell him he’s making a big mistake.”
“It’s his mistake to make.”
“But what about the girls?”
“He’s their father. He’ll always protect them.”
She seems unconvinced. She looks so much older, standing there in her apron, stirring the sauce. I feel like a kid, sitting on the other side of the counter, waiting for my dinner, but there’s a peace to it, too. We did this. I did this—survived the year, kept my family intact, and myself. It feels like all this has finally chased my anxiety away. I can feel its absence more than anything, and this makes me hopeful. Maybe it will leave forever, like Tom, only a memory. If not, then I can handle it. I’ve survived the worst of it. I can survive any aftershocks that come my way.
“I feel so bad for those girls,” Cassie says. “To have to live with Franny?”
“Let the dust settle. I have a feeling Joshua will come to his senses.”
“I hope so. So what now, Aunt Kaitlyn just leaves, and no one knows she’s alive?”
“Are you okay with that? Both of you? It’s not fair of me to ask you to keep this secret if you don’t want to.”
Cassie puts an entire package of spaghettini into a pot of boiling water with a pinch of salt. “I think we should keep it. Some things are better as secrets. People can be hurt by the truth.”
“I agree. But not between us.”
“There are some things I’m not going to tell you.”
“I know. But nothing important, okay?”
“Okay, Mom.”
I know she’s appeasing me, but I decide to lean into that. I’ve faced enough harsh truths in the last little while.
“What about you, Henry? Do you want to tell about Kaitlyn?”
He opens the oven to check on his bread. “I don’t think so.”
“It’s a big secret to keep.”
He puts the loaf in front of me. It takes an act of will not to rip open the tinfoil and down the entire thing. I didn’t eat much today, and it’s catching up to me.
“It’s like what Cassie said. The truth would hurt Emily and Julia, and Uncle Josh, too. And she’s not coming back, right? She’s leaving.”
“She’s leaving.”
“I say we don’t tell.”
“But what if they were you? What if Dad was alive, but he’d run away from us? Would you want to know?”
He shifts back and forth on his feet, maybe trying not to cry. “That would be an awful thing for Dad to do.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think I’d want to know. But he didn’t do that, right, Mom? He’s dead.”
“Yes, honey. I’m sorry.”
“Okay. I just wanted to make sure.”
He opens the foil, and a head of steam billows out.
“That smells amazing. Let’s eat.”
Cassie looks at the clock. “We’re waiting for one more person.”
“Who’s that?”
“That’s me,” Teo says, walking into the kitchen.
“What are you doing here?”
“Surprise!” the kids say together. “We invited him!”
“How did you get in?”
“I left the front door unlocked,” Cassie says. She walks over to me and gives me a hug. “Be happy, Mom.”
My throat tightens. “I’m happy.”
“Be happier, then.” She pulls away. “Time for dinner. Everyone sit down.”
I can’t help but smile at my bossy daughter, doing her best impression of me. I pick up my wineglass and walk into the living room.
Teo follows.
“If you want me to go, I will.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Good.”
He brushes my cheek with his lips, then pulls away as Cassie and Henry carry the food into the dining room. We gather around the table. Instead of sitting in Tom’s place, Teo pulls a chair around to Henry’s side, winking at me as he sits down.
“Should we give some gratitude?” Cassie asks.
“Good idea. Hands, everyone.”
I reach out and take each of my children’s hands. Henry holds Teo’s, and Cassie reaches across the table to take his other hand.
“I’m grateful I didn’t get grounded when I snuck out of the house the other night,” Cassie says.
“What?” Henry says. “Aw, Mom, that’s not fair.”
“Hush, Henry. Your turn.”
“I’m grateful Mom is buying me the new Dead Space 3.”
“Not a chance, kid.”
“I’m grateful to be here, among friends, eating good food,” Teo says.
“You haven’t tasted it yet.”
“Mom!”
“I’m grateful for all of you. Even for the surprise dinner guest.”
“Let’s eat,” Henry says.
Cassie starts dishing out the pasta, and Henry passes the garlic bread. I look around the room at these people I love, or hope to love. They are so much more important than the things I filled this house with. They’re what I carry with me everywhere, no matter where we might end up. I have these things because I wasn’t in the building that day.
I wasn’t in the building that day because I was late.
Whether it was the universe looking out for me or just a happenstance of my personality, I’m most grateful for that of all.
Chapter 41
Another Ending
Kaitlyn
When Kaitlyn left her hiding place, running away from Cecily, she knew what she had to do. It was a big risk, but she had no other choice.
She pulled out her phone, the one she’d bought in Montreal, and sent a message to an address she couldn’t forget. Then she went to wait.
She picked a seedy bar near the bus station. A bar no one she knew would dare to be seen in. It had been the scene of at least three shootings last time Kaitlyn checked. The bouncer gave her the eye when she walked in, questioning her choice of drinking establishment. She was the only woman in the place besides the waitresses and the prostitute sitting at the bar.
She ordered a beer and took a table facing the door. The table was littered with peanut shells and stale popcorn. A small part of her wondered if this was where she’d be caught. If she’d miscalculated, and the front door would bang open to reveal the police. Full of noise and threats to stay down! But she was sure she’d judged properly. As she told Cecily, she knew Franny, Eileen, whoever she was.
After she’d changed her e-mail, there’d been radio silence for years. In that time, Kaitlyn had pieced her life back together. Had Julia, gone through another round of postpartum, become friends with Cecily. She’d let her guard down was what she’d done. So much so that when she’d gone back to work, she hadn’t even thought about the fact that Eileen might find her. That she should ask to be left off the company website.
That had been a mistake. A month after she started working at Tom’s company, Eileen had contacted Kaitlyn on her work e-mail. She called herself Franny, but Kaitlyn knew exactly who she was. It was like being caught in that movie Groundhog Day. Everyone else, including Franny, seemed to have amnesia. No one even noticed the feedback loop. Only Kaitlyn knew what was going on. That she’d been through all this before.