Fat splodges of rain now plopping moodily against the windscreen, Mark concentrated on the road. Silently, he thanked God, yet again, that they did have Jade. As horrendous as the circumstances were that had forced her to move out of her house, Mark was bloody glad she’d arrived in their lives when she had. He’d managed last time Mel had been ill, but with two children to care for now, Mark doubted he’d cope without help. But wasn’t he jumping the gun? Imagining the worst-case scenario? Her odd behaviour was reminiscent of her previous severe bout of depression, but his thoughtlessness at involving someone else in their problems had added to her upset tonight. She’d obviously convinced herself that he might actually be involved with Lisa.
He had to take things one step at a time. The first thing he needed to do was persuade Mel to get a diagnosis. Alongside that, he had to make sure she knew he was here for her. Shocked though he was by the sudden onset of symptoms, she had to know that she was much more to him than the mother of his children. She was the woman he loved. The woman who’d loved him back, despite his insecurities and flaws. If the sunny, independent person he knew her to be was momentarily eclipsed by the darkness, then so be it. He’d fight alongside her until the fucking sun came back out. He was here for the long haul. Somehow, he had to convince her of that.
Pulling up on the drive, Mark killed the engine and waited. Mel seemed reluctant to move. Guessing she would be struggling with her own conflicting emotions, Mark gave her a moment before softly prompting her. ‘Ready?’
Jade was waiting in the hall when they went in, her dressing gown belted tight, her expression apprehensive as she looked down at the shoes Mark was carrying. Mel had refused to put them back on, but even without them she was still unsteady on her feet.
Supporting Mel around the waist with his free arm, Mark shrugged, guessing he didn’t need to communicate more than he had from the hospital.
Jade smiled sympathetically. ‘I’ll make us some tea,’ she said, clearly attempting to give them some space.
‘Thanks,’ Mark said, parking the shoes in the hall and steering Mel gently towards the stairs. He wasn’t sure she would be able to drink any, but it might help. She’d vomited up what little food she’d eaten in the ambulance.
Mel stopped. ‘Are Poppy and Evie all right?’ she asked, looking at Jade.
Jade stepped back, her concern obvious, as she looked Mel over. ‘Fine. Both fast asleep and dreaming happy dreams,’ she reassured her with a smile. Mark was grateful.
Mel nodded, smiling tremulously, and then wrapped her arms about herself and allowed Mark to guide her up the stairs.
She paused on the landing, looking first towards Poppy’s door and then Evie’s. Mark prayed she didn’t insist on going in, and then breathed a considerable sigh of relief when she walked on. Aside from the fact that they would be bound to wake them, he doubted Mel would want Poppy to see her like this.
She still had her arms about herself as she walked into the bedroom.
‘I’ll get you something to sleep in,’ Mark offered, as she stopped in the middle of the room, seeming uncertain.
Walking to the en suite, he unhooked the shirt she wore from the door, considering whether to offer to help her to shower and quickly discarding the idea. His heart twisted afresh as he recalled the last time they’d been in there together, when everything had seemed so right between them. The morning Hercules had been injured, he reminded himself, realising now that things hadn’t been as right as they’d seemed. He’d just been too damn wrapped up in his work to see it.
‘I’ll give you a hand,’ he said, walking back towards where Mel still stood, unmoving. ‘Fancy sitting on the bed?’ he asked, standing behind her, ready to catch her if she stumbled. ‘It would make life a lot easier.’
Still, Mel didn’t move. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said instead, her voice so small and full of remorse, Mark felt like crying for her.
Briefly, he hesitated, and then wrapped his arms around her. ‘It’s okay,’ he assured her, easing her towards him. ‘The world’s still turning.’
‘So, so sorry,’ Mel said, her voice catching, causing Mark’s chest to constrict.
‘It’s okay, Mel,’ he repeated throatily, turning her gently to face him as a sob shook through her. ‘We’ll get through this, I promise.’
Another sob escaping her, Mel leaned into him, dropping her forehead to his shoulder.
Mark pressed a hand to her hair – her gorgeous, copper hair, now blonde. Not Mel’s. This illness was part of her, and Mark realised he’d have to accept it might always be. But it wasn’t the biggest part of her, the person she was. Somehow, he’d deal with this. Help Mel deal with this.
‘Can you promise me something, Mel?’ he asked cautiously.
Mel nodded into him.
‘Will you make a doctor’s appointment?’
Mark prayed hard as he waited again. She hated the damn place. She would go for the kids, no qualms. But when it came to herself, she wouldn’t go to the surgery unless she absolutely had to. He couldn’t make her go, but hoped she would see that this was one of those times.
‘Yes,’ Mel said at last, with some effort. ‘I will, I promise.’
Breathing deeply, Mark pulled her closer. ‘Good,’ he said, overwhelming relief washing through him. ‘So, how about we get good and cosy together? I don’t know about you, but I’m dead on my feet.’ Dropping a soft kiss to her head, Mark eased back, gently lifting her chin to look into her beautiful green eyes. The colour of ferns after the rain, they were peppered with such anxiety and uncertainty it tore him apart. ‘I do excellent cuddles.’ He mustered up a smile.
Mel laughed, a rather strangulated laugh. ‘My white knight,’ she said, her expression now one of immense sadness.
‘At your service,’ Mark assured her, hoping he could be all she needed him to be. That he was strong enough. He would be. He needed to be. There was simply no other option.
* * *
Mark helped her wash her face, brush her teeth and get changed, the body-hugging dress being impossible to get off single-handedly even when stone-cold sober, he imagined.
Now, trying to find the balance somewhere between husband and carer, he eased the duvet up over her. She was facing away from him, curled into a tight ball. Mark’s heart wrenched inside him. Checking the baby monitor, which, mercifully, had remained quiet, he deliberated for a second and then switched it to mute, before quickly undressing and slipping in beside her. She might not need a lover right now, but she needed not to feel alone. He hoped she needed him.
Brushing her cheek with a soft kiss, he slid an arm around her. He closed his eyes as he felt the tension run through her body, heard her trying to stifle her tears. Mark wasn’t sure what to do, what to say. He couldn’t make it go away. ‘I love you, Mrs Cain,’ he eventually murmured, close to her ear, wishing he could show her, but that would be insensitive beyond belief. He settled for holding her instead, waiting until her tears subsided and she relaxed into him. Waiting again, until he heard her breathing slow and felt the steady rise and fall of her chest, he eased quietly back out of bed.
He was desperately tired, but he needed to check on the kids. He also needed to let Jade know the monitor in here was switched off, at least for tonight. He’d heard her going back downstairs and guessed she’d been too disturbed by the evening’s events to easily drift off. He just hoped she wasn’t put off. He hadn’t realised how much they would need her, but they did, now more than ever.
* * *
Mark found Jade in the kitchen, preparing a feed. And clearly, he’d caught her by surprise. She jumped as he came through the door, dropping the lid of the pedal bin faster than she’d intended and wincing as it clanged.
‘Sorry,’ she said, blushing. ‘I didn’t hear you.’
‘My fault. Sorry I startled you,’ Mark said, apologising for the second time in twenty-four hours.
Jade smiled brightly. ‘No problem. I was just making sure Evie’s feed was ready. I didn’t want her crying for too long and waking Melissa. How is she?’
‘Okay… ish.’ Mark shrugged uncertainly. He wasn’t sure how much he should divulge, given his mistake of confiding in Lisa, but, assuming Jade wasn’t already thinking of moving out, she would have to be aware of at least some of what was going on.
‘I made Mel some tea.’ Jade indicated the mug as he walked across to her. ‘It might need a quick blast in the microwave though.’