Come and help me.
I already tried that and look how it worked out, Rick said but a moment later he came to the safe and they lifted it together. Rick was so close to him now, separated only by the two feet of that heavy iron box. How old he looked. His skin gray.
When they reached the car, Rick pulled open the hatchback with one hand and they lowered the safe, the little Honda’s suspension heaving with the added weight. Then they both stepped back from the car. Bill was panting from the exertion, his hands on his knees. You got fat and out of shape, Rick said.
I guess so.
You know, I came up here thinking that if I saw you it might make sense to me. What you did. Who you are. All the fucking lies you told me. My mom. All the shit I did in prison. Everything.
Bill straightened and looked up at him, this broken man with his cane who returned his gaze with an unwavering stare, and Bill felt a shiver run through him as if that gaze were physical contact, a silver wire sparking against his flesh. He shook his head.
Yeah, you don’t know shit. You just ran away and never looked back.
I made a life for myself.
Is that what you did? Because it seems more like you ran away and hid in the forest like a *.
It was silent for a long time. Bill looked at the dead needles that littered the ground at his feet. How’d you even find me? he said.
Shit, man, Rick said and there was actual mirth in his voice now, it’s not like you moved to Paris, France. You weren’t in Reno. You weren’t in Battle Mountain. So where else would you go?
If you knew where I was, then why didn’t you turn me in?
Because I don’t fucking do that. Take care of your people. You think that was a fucking joke to me? That was the only thing that mattered. But you fucked it up. And you fucking killed my mom.
Bill had begun to quake inside, as if a faint flutter of panic had entered him and now flapped against his ribs. I didn’t kill your mom, he said. That’s ridiculous.
Same as, Rick said.
The quiet settled over them, two men in a clearing beside a road periodically sounding with the long hiss of a passing car.
I don’t know what else to say, Bill said at last. He hoped his voice was steady. Now that the safe was out of his life, he wanted more than anything to simply drive away and be done with it, but he lingered. I’m sorry, man, he said. I don’t know what else to say about it. You’re right. I left all of it behind and never looked back.
Goddamn right you did. So what am I supposed to do now?
Exactly the same thing.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah, Bill said. You’ve got the safe. That’s what you came here for, isn’t it?
Fuck you. I know what you’re doing. I’ve seen that weird little zoo. That’s what you care about now? Those fucking zoo animals?
Yeah, he said, that’s what I care about. There was a tremble in his voice now. He did not expect Rick to have seen the rescue and perhaps he was bluffing but the thought of it filled him with a thread of cold sharp air. What do you want from me, Rick? he said.
You’re living a goddamn lie up here. Bill Reed. That’s the icing on the cake right there. Bill fucking Reed.
I’ve changed, Bill said.
Now that’s the first thing you’ve said all day that made any sense.
Go home, Rick, Bill said. Or go find yourself a new place to make into a home. You’re free. Go do something with it. I did.
Yeah, Rick said. Easy for you to say. He looked out into the trees for a moment as if in thought and then, without another word, he stepped into his car and pulled the door closed behind him. A moment later the engine chugged and the little Honda turned out onto the asphalt of the highway and was gone.
He did not know how long he stood there in the clearing, watching the empty space the car had vacated, watching the trees and the white cloud of his breath. His heart seemed wrong somehow, beating much too fast, his breath coming in hollow rasps that he could neither slow nor stop. The metallic taste of adrenaline on his tongue.