Was he letting himself feel like the proverbial “third wheel”?
Their conversation shifted to trying to profile the killer himself. They kept coming back to the same old ideas—that the killer was fascinated by trains, that the women reminded him of someone in his past, and that he was acting out of some sort of guilty compulsion. Most of all, he seemed to resist any textbook profiles they might otherwise come up with about him.
As they talked, Bill realized little by little …
It isn’t just me.
Riley looked tired, and so did Jenn.
He realized that they both also looked worried.
About what? Bill wondered.
Bill had been plenty concerned about Riley lately. He knew that she’d been taking on huge obligations at home—too much, he thought, for an active FBI agent who was a single parent. The last he’d heard she was in the process of adopting Jilly, and she also had that boy named Liam living with her.
Unless all that’s changed, he thought.
The truth was, he didn’t know a thing about what was going on with Riley’s life, including whether she was still dating that guy named Blaine, who seemed like a decent man. He wondered if he should just come out and ask. But he didn’t feel comfortable with that idea, not with all three of them in the room.
And there it was—his concern about that third person. Jenn was still an enigma to him. He couldn’t complain about her behavior toward him. In fact, Jenn had covered for Riley on a recent case when he’d had a suicidal spell and Riley has slipped away to help him out.
Bill had returned the favor when Jenn herself had briefly gone AWOL last month.
But he still didn’t even know why that had happened. It was obvious that Jenn harbored some sort of dark secret. Apparently Riley knew what it was, but she wasn’t willing to confide in Bill about it.
Bill seriously didn’t like being left out of the loop.
If something was lurking in Jenn’s background that might disrupt everything at any moment, he felt as though he ought to know all about it. In their line of work, information blackouts could be dangerous, even a matter of life or death.
Eventually Riley said, “It’s getting late, and we’re just spinning our wheels here. I’m heading back to my room. We all really ought to turn in and get some rest so we can be fresh for tomorrow.”
Jenn nodded, and Bill agreed gratefully. But as he and Riley got up to leave, he heard Riley’s phone buzz.
He paused on his way to the door, waiting to see if the call had anything to do with the case.
When Riley answered the phone, her eyes widened with shock.
She turned pale as she walked back to the bed and sat down.
Bill felt a chill of apprehension.
What’s happened? he wondered.
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
Sitting on the hotel room bed, Riley turned to face away from her colleagues. She was trying to process what April just said.
Jilly’s birthday party had been tonight—and Riley had forgotten all about it!
On the phone, April’s voice was still explaining, “We all understood that you were on a case and you couldn’t be here. But we’ve been waiting for you to call. When you didn’t, I figured you must be in the middle of something serious—a gunfight or something life and death like that, and I hated to bother you. But Jilly’s not taking it well.”
A painful silence ensued.
In a slow, quiet voice, April said, “Oh, Mom. Please don’t tell me you forgot!”
Riley wanted so much to lie, to say something like …
“Yes, I’m sorry, but we had an urgent development and I couldn’t tear myself away. But I’ve been thinking about Jilly the whole time.”
But the words wouldn’t come, and Riley knew that it was just as well. April knew her mother too well. She’d never believe a lame excuse like that.
Besides, it would be a lie, and Riley couldn’t lie to April.
“Can I talk to her?” Riley asked.
The very idea terrified Riley. What was she going to say?
“I’ll go see,” April said.
Riley could hear April’s footsteps as she walked up the stairs carrying the phone. She heard April knock on Jilly’s bedroom door.
April called out, “Jilly, I’ve got Mom on the phone.”
Riley could hear Jilly’s muffled reply through the door.
“Did she call?”
Riley gulped. She didn’t want April to lie. But she dreaded the idea of Jilly hearing the truth.
“I called her,” April said to Jilly.
Riley could hear the sound of a sob through the door.
“Leave me alone,” Jilly said.
Then came the sound of April’s footsteps heading back downstairs.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” April said as she walked. “She’s really upset.”
Riley sighed miserably.
“I’m the one who’s sorry,” she said. “How could I have let this happen?”
“Face it, Mom. You’ve done it before.”
Riley had to think for a moment about what April meant.
Then she remembered—last August she’d forgotten April’s birthday as well.
April had been angry and hurt then, but she didn’t sound angry now. She sounded remarkably calm and mature.
Besides, Riley thought, she’s getting used to my screw-ups.
Riley said, “Please talk to her, April. Maybe she’ll listen to you. Just tell her—well, tell her that this isn’t about her. It’s about me. Tell her about last August. Maybe you can make her understand …”
Her voice trailed off.
Understand what? she wondered. That she’s getting adopted by a terrible parent?
“I’ll do my best, Mom,” April said.
Riley didn’t know what else to say. She wondered, of course, how the party had gone, what kind of delicious food Gabriela prepared, what kind of gifts Gabriela and April had gotten for Jilly.
But what did any of that matter now?
Everything had been spoiled, and it was Riley’s own fault.
April asked, “Are you coming home soon?”
Riley swallowed hard. She wished she could be at home right this very second, trying to make things right.
“I don’t know, April,” she said. “The case isn’t off to a very good start.”
“OK, Mom. I understand.”
“Tell Jilly I love her,” Riley said. “And I love you too.”
“I love you, Mom,” April said.
The call ended, and Riley’s body fell limp with despair. Her brain frantically tried to crank out excuses for herself. She was terrible with dates, she told herself. She was too oriented toward the overall picture to remember calendar details. In fact, she never even remembered her own birthday. It always took April or Gabriela to remind her.
But there was no point in trying to rationalize.
She’d made a terrible mistake, pure and simple.
She heard Bill’s voice from behind her, “What happened?”
Riley turned around and saw that Bill and Jenn had been standing near the door during the entire phone call. They’d surely wondered, at least for the first few moments, whether the call had something to do with the case.
“I forgot Jilly’s birthday,” Riley said. “The family was having a party tonight. Jilly’s just devastated.”
“You were on a case,” Jenn said. “You couldn’t be there.”
Riley knew that Jenn couldn’t understand how serious this was. She didn’t have children of her own—and maybe she never even planned to. And Jilly was, with reason, even more fragile than most teenagers.
But Bill reacted differently. He sat down on the bed and patted Riley’s hand.
“I know how you feel,” he said. “I’ve screwed up with my boys plenty of times.”
Riley shook her head.
“Not like this, I’ll bet. I did the same thing to April last August. But this is a whole lot worse. This is the first birthday Jilly has spent with her new family. And now it’s ruined—all because of me.”
A silence fell in the hotel room.
“I wish I could be there right now,” Riley said.
“You should be,” Bill said. “In fact, you should go there right now.”
Riley looked her partner in the eyes.
“What do you mean?” she asked. “I’m on a case. I can’t go anywhere.”
Now Jenn spoke up.
“The FBI plane is still at the airport right here in Chicago. We can take you there, and you can fly right back home.”