Kat blinked twice. Tessie had warned that this revelation would hurt. It would, Kat supposed, but right now, it was as though the words were skimming the surface, not yet penetrating the skin.
Tessie kept her eyes on Kat. “I would say it’s no big deal—hell, I’d bet more than half the married men in this town had girls—but there were a few things that made this case different.”
Kat swallowed, trying to sort her thoughts. “Like what?”
“You sure you don’t want a drink?”
“No, Aunt Tessie, I’m fine.” Kat straightened her back and fought through it. “What made my father’s case different?”
“For one thing, it seemed to be ongoing. Your father spent quite a bit of time with her. Most guys, it’s one night, one hour, a strip club, maybe a short fling with a girl at work. This wasn’t like that. This was more serious. That’s what the rumors were, anyway. That’s why he’d disappear. They traveled together, I guess, I don’t know.”
“Mom knew?”
“I don’t know, honey.” Then: “Yes, I think so.”
“Why didn’t she leave him?”
Tessie smiled. “And go where, sweetheart? Your mother was raising three children. He was the provider and the husband. We didn’t have options back then. Plus, well, your mother loved him. And he loved her.”
Kat snorted. “You’re kidding, right?”
Tessie shook her head. “See, you’re young. You think things are simple. My Ed had girlfriends too. You want to know the truth? I didn’t care. Better her than me, that’s what I thought. I had all these kids and was always pregnant—I was happy he was leaving me alone, if you want to know the truth. You don’t imagine feeling that way when you’re young, but you do.”
So that was it, Kat thought. Dad had a girlfriend. A whole bunch of emotions ricocheted through her. Per her yoga training, she saw the emotions, but for right now, because she needed to stay focused, she simply let them go.
“There’s something else,” Tessie said.
Kat raised her head and looked at her.
“You have to remember where we live. Who we are. What the times were like.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Your father’s girlfriend,” Tessie said. “Well, again this is what Gary’s friend said. See, a married man with another woman? No surprise, right. No one would have said boo. Gary’s friend wouldn’t have even noticed, except he said that this girlfriend was, um, black.”
Again Kat blinked, not sure what to make of it. “Black? You mean like African American?”
Tessie nodded. “Rumor—and again, this is just rumor probably fueled by racism—but someone thought she was some prostitute he busted. That was how they met or something. I don’t know, I doubt that.”
Kat felt dizzy. “Did my mother know?”
“I never told her, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.” Then Kat remembered something. “Wait, Flo told her, didn’t she?”
Tessie didn’t bother to confirm or deny. Now, finally, Kat knew another truth—why there had been a yearlong silence between Flo and Mom. Flo had told Mom about the black prostitute, and Mom had promptly gone into denial.
But as emotionally wrenching as this was—Kat still didn’t know how she felt other than sad—it also seemed irrelevant to the issue at hand. She could cry about it later. For now, Kat needed to figure out if any of this had anything to do with her father’s murder.
“Do you know the woman’s name?” Kat asked.
“Not really, no.”
Kat frowned. “Not really?”
“Let it go, honey.”
“You know I can’t,” Kat said.
Tessie looked everywhere but at Kat. “Gary said her street name was Sugar.”
“Sugar?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know if that’s true or not.”
“Sugar what?”
“I don’t know.”
The blows just kept coming. Kat wanted to curl up in a ball and ride them out, but she didn’t have that luxury. “Do you know what happened to Sugar after my father’s murder?”
“No,” Tessie said.
“Did she—”
“That’s all I know, Kat. There’s nothing more.” Tessie started back on the plants again. “So what are you going to do now?”
Kat thought about it. “I’m not sure.”
“You know the truth now. Sometimes that’s enough.”
“Sometimes,” Kat agreed.
“But not this time?”
“Something like that,” Kat said.
“The truth may be better than lies,” Tessie said. “But it doesn’t always set you free.”
Kat understood that. She didn’t expect to be free. She didn’t expect to be happier even. She just expected . . .
What exactly?
There was nothing to be gained here. Her mother would be hurt. Stagger, who probably did this out of loyalty to her father, could be open to tampering charges if he convinced Monte Leburne to stay quiet or change his testimony. Kat knew the truth now. Enough anyway.
“Thank you, Aunt Tessie.”
“For what?”
“For telling me.”
“I don’t think a ‘you’re welcome’ fits here,” Tessie said, bending down and picking up the spade. Then: “You’re not going to leave it alone, are you, Kat?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Even if it hurts a lot of people.”
“Even if.”
Tessie nodded, digging the spade deep into the fresh soil. “It’s getting late, Kat. I think maybe it’s time you headed back home.”
? ? ?
The revelation began to sink in during the subway ride home.
It was easy to feel angry and betrayed and disgusted.
Her father had been her hero. Kat got, of course, that he wasn’t perfect, but this was the man who climbed up a ladder and hung up the moon for her. She had honestly believed it—that her father had taken the ladder out of the garage and put up the moon just for her benefit—but, of course, when you stop and think about it, that had been a lie too.
Sometimes she imagined that her father used to disappear because he was saving lives, working undercover, doing something grand and brave. Now Kat knew that he had abandoned and terrified his entire family to shack up with a hooker.
So that would be the easy way for her emotions to go—in the direction of disgust, anger, betrayal, maybe even hate.
But as Tessie had warned her, life was rarely that simple.
Her overwhelming emotion was sadness. There was sadness for a father who was so unhappy at home that he ended up living a lie. There was sadness too for Kat’s mother for all the obvious reasons, for also being forced to live the lie, and when she looked at it carefully, maybe there was sadness because this news didn’t shock Kat as much as she might now claim. Maybe Kat had subconsciously suspected this kind of ugliness. Maybe this had been the root cause for her tense relationship with her mother—a stupid, subconscious belief that somehow Mom didn’t do enough to make Dad happy and so he would go away and Kat would be scared that he would never come back and it would be Mom’s fault.
She also wondered whether Sugar, if that was her name, made her father happy. There had been no passion in his marriage. There had been respect and companionship and partnership, but had her father found something approaching romantic love with this other woman? Suppose he had been happy with this other, forbidden woman. How should Kat feel about that? Should she feel anger and betrayal—or some form of joy that Dad found something to cherish?
She wanted to go home and lie down and cry.
Her phone didn’t work until she was out of the subway tunnel. There were three missed calls from Chaz’s cell phone. Kat called him back as soon as she was at street level.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“You sound like crap.”
“Rough day.”
“It may get rougher.”
“What do you mean?”
“I got something on that Swiss bank account. I think you’ll want to see this.”