Leaving Berlin

“I’m not good enough, not for this.”

 

 

Campbell just stared, thinking, his hand over his chin, a smile beginning to crease his face. “You don’t have to be good. Not when you’re lucky. Don’t you see what a chance this is?”

 

“To get killed. One slip and they know. One slip.”

 

“But you won’t.” A full grin now. “You’re the best idea I ever had. For chrissake, don’t you get it? We’ve never had one.”

 

“What?”

 

“A double. Their recruit. Now all you have to do is tell them exactly what I tell you to tell them.”

 

“And how long do you think I can carry that off? Playing both sides.”

 

“You’re only playing one. Don’t worry, if things get sticky, we’ll get you out.”

 

“Get me out now. I mean it. I’ve done everything you wanted. But I didn’t sign on for this. Get me out.”

 

“I can’t. Not yet. You’re a unique source. And now this. You can see that, can’t you? Just keep your shirt on. A set-up like this—”

 

“With me taking the risk.”

 

Campbell looked at him. “Well, that was the arrangement, wasn’t it?”

 

“No. Chitchat at the Kulturbund. That was the arrangement.”

 

“So it got better. Much better. You’ve got a chance to really do something for your country now.”

 

“Is that what I’m doing? Then when can I go back?”

 

Campbell turned away.

 

“We’re in the British sector now. I’m already out. Why not just keep going? Just put me on a plane. I’ve killed a man for you. So when do I get my end?”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“When? After they find out? I mean it. Put me on a plane.”

 

“Going where?” Campbell said, facing him.

 

Alex looked away, into the fog, everything now just wisps of vaporous cloud, no visible markers.

 

“Look,” Campbell said, his most reasonable voice. “You’ve been doing a hell of a job. Now you have to hang on. See this through. If we’re going to file an appeal, we need—”

 

“What appeal?” Alex said, dread rushing through him.

 

“For you.” He hesitated. “There’s some news you’re not going to like.”

 

Alex turned to him.

 

“The divorce papers came through. The final ones.”

 

“And?”

 

“It’s hard to control these things. She was lucky, she got a hard-assed judge. Old school. Said when you left, you abandoned the kid. So you forfeit all rights. He awarded her full custody.”

 

“We expected that,” Alex said.

 

“And no visiting rights either. You didn’t just leave—you went to the Communists. That makes you an unfit parent in his book. Your kid would need a court order to see you.”

 

“She agreed to this? Marjorie?” His voice tight, a whisper.

 

“It wasn’t up to her. Like I said, this judge—”

 

“But she didn’t protest.”

 

“She was advised not to.”

 

“Advised by whom?”

 

“Her lawyer. Don’t look at me. We had nothing to do with this. We’re the good guys here. The judge thinks you’re a traitor. So we tell him you’re not, that you were working for us all along. We appeal.”

 

Alex looked over at him, the smooth shave, the implausible worker’s cap. “But you’re not going to.”

 

“Not yet. We need to have you here longer if we want to make this convincing. We’re telling him he wasn’t playing with a full deck. No one likes to hear that. He has to think you’re a goddam patriot.” He paused. “You need to put in some time.”

 

“How much?” Alex said quietly, but he already knew. They were never going to send him back. They’d keep him here, where he could be useful. Until he wasn’t.

 

When he turned to face Campbell, right next to him, a patch of fog seemed to make him disappear. There wasn’t anybody else, not here, not at the other end. He was on his own.

 

“How much?” he said again. “What do I have to do?”

 

“What you’ve been doing.”

 

“But that’s not enough. To get me out. What would be?”

 

Campbell met his gaze. “Find Markovsky.”

 

“Find Markovsky,” Alex said, an echo, not turning his head to the river, the air like gauze. “What makes you think I can do that?”

 

Campbell shrugged. “I don’t have anyone else with access. You know—”

 

“Her,” Alex finished. “I use her.”

 

Campbell shrugged again.

 

“And then you appeal.”

 

“You have my word.”

 

“Your word.”

 

“He’s a big fish. We could go to the judge with that.” His voice smooth as his chin.

 

No one else, either end. On your own.

 

“I don’t have a choice then.”

 

“I don’t see it that way. I think it’s something you’d want to do. You’ve been here long enough to see what they’re up to.”

 

“And this will stop them.”

 

“It’s a move.”

 

“And what if it doesn’t work? What if she doesn’t know?”

 

“I’ll know you tried.”

 

Alex took a step back, looking down, as if he were thinking it out. Yards away a body might be floating to the surface of the water. A phantom, like the judge. There wouldn’t be any appeal, just its dangling promise. And knowing this, he felt the dread seep out of him, his body almost weightless now, suddenly free. No one else. No sides.

 

“I need you to help,” he said finally.

 

“Anything,” Campbell said, a sense of relief at the back of it. “What?”

 

“Put out the word—use your ears over there, however you do it. We have him. A man like Markovsky can’t just stay in limbo somewhere, he’d have to defect. So he has, and you’re the lucky guy.”

 

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