“Official, like marriage? Can you get married in Washington State?”
“There are legal unions here, like you have in Oregon. But I want the real deal. We’d just go up to British Columbia and make a honeymoon out of it at the same time. Well, that’s what I proposed.”
“You proposed?” I tried to picture Rebecca on one knee in her designer goods.
She let out a little laugh even though I could hear the pain in it. “No, I guess I’m not very romantic. I think I just blurted out, ‘hey let’s get married in Canada” and that’s when all the problems really started. I scared her. And to be honest, she scared me. I thought we were more serious than that.”
I fiddled with my napkin. “It’s just a bump in the road. You guys seem meant to be together. You’ll pull through.”
She took a slow sip of her tea, her lipstick leaving neat prints.
“As will you,” she replied knowingly.
“Me?”
“Yes. You. Moving here and everything. This can’t be easy, especially after what happened to you. Dex told me a few things this morning, about going to Idaho…I was there when Ada called him, you know. He nearly collapsed on the street. I’d never seen him look so worried.”
He wasn’t worried enough, I thought angrily, the rage sneaking up on me and making my head feel hot.
She went on, “You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to hear what happened. The whole story. I’ll believe you.”
And from the earnest expression on her brow, I knew she would. I took in a deep breath and told her the entire story of my possession, starting with when I saw her in Portland and ending with Dex being tossed into jail.
It was no surprise then that by the end, Rebecca was speechless and I was breathless. The waitress delivered the artisan pizza we were sharing and Rebecca stared at it dumbly.
“So…wow…Perry, I don’t know what to say.” She delicately shook her head as if that would move some sense into it.
“You don’t have to say anything. But that’s how I ended up here, with Dex.”
“I can’t believe you survived all that…I’m just amazed.”
I examined my pizza, ignoring a pinch near my heart.
“I’m just so sorry…I’m so sorry.”
I looked up at her. “Why are you sorry?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I saw you. I should have helped. I should have done something.”
“How could you have known? I was fine at the time.”
“Were you really? You were pregnant Perry. With Dex’s child.”
I felt like I just got a cold punch to the gut. My hand involuntarily rubbed at my stomach.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“Quit saying you’re sorry,” I snapped. “I’m fine. It’s over and done with.”
“Does he know?”
I licked my lips, unsure of what to say. “Yes. He knows. He found out, though, from Ada. And not in the best way.”
“How is he taking it?” she asked in a hush, her delicate face crunched in concern.
I flinched. “He? I don’t know. Ask him about it.”
“You haven’t talked about it?”
I put my pizza down and gave her a steady look. “Rebecca, I don’t know which way is up. One minute Dex breaks my heart, the next I have a miscarriage. Then I’m fucking possessed and being dragged to a shaman to exorcise the demon. During that time, I go to another freaking dimension with my dead grandmother, where Dex shows up and saves my ass. We’re spit out, he’s arrested and I realize that moving in with him is my only option of staying safe and sane in this world. And so far, I don’t think it’s doing my sanity any good. Have we talked about it? Sort of. He seems strangely upset. But I just…I can’t deal with anything right now, let alone that. I just want to eat my pizza without adding tears as an extra topping. OK?”
“OK,” she agreed and began nibbling at a slice. We ate in silence and I tried hard to concentrate on the wonderful goat cheese in the pizza. I failed.
“Oh and I’m telepathic now,” I spoke up between chews. “People can hear my thoughts.”
She didn’t miss a beat. “Anything else?”
“Don’t tell me you can hear what I’m thinking.”
She shook her head and smiled. “No, I can’t. I just don’t think you can surprise me anymore, Perry Palomino.”
I took in a deep breath. “Can you recommend a gynecologist? I’d like to get an IUD put in.”
She coughed on her food and quickly gulped down some water. “All right, that was surprising. What brought that up?”
I shrugged. “Considering I have no desire to get pregnant again, I think it’s the smart thing to do. I never did well on birth control pills anyway.”
“Makes sense,” she said slowly, her eyes glinting suspiciously. “You’re not thinking of, er, shagging anyone in particular, are you?”
I frowned for a second before my slow brain caught on. “What? You mean Dex?”
She bit her lip, trying to suppress a smile. “Don’t get so defensive.”
“How could you think that after everything I just told you?”
“Look, darling, we all have our rough patches. I told you, you’d pull through.”
“With life,” I said adamantly. “Not with Dex.”
“Dex is part of your life, whether you like it or not. You had the chance to cut him out.”
“I did cut him out! I cut everyone out!”
“And yet here you are, having lunch with me, down the street from your new roommate.”
My muscles tensed along my back. “That’s not fair. I had no choice.”
“You always have a choice. Besides, I almost had to wipe up the pile of drool you left on the floor earlier.”
Oh God. Was I that obvious?
“He’s looking good Perry. And I think he’d be good for you.”
“You’re singing a different tune now,” I said thinking back to our last lunch together.
“You’re different people now. He’s changed. Quite a bit. And so have you. Maybe the new you will give him a second chance.”
“The new me will give him nothing,” I retorted, pushing the rest of my food away. “I owe him nothing.”
She snorted and a subtle flash of malice crossed over her eyes. It made me sink a little inside.
“He only risked his own life to save yours, he only brought you back here so you could be safe, and live free of charge,” she said in a flinty voice.
I didn’t want to back down. “Well too little, too late. Where was he then when I was dying inside? Huh? You came and saw me. Where was he? Where was he when I needed him?”
She exhaled slowly through her nose and leaned back in her chair, folding the napkin in her lap. “He was scared. And he was in no position to be anywhere, let alone trying to win you back. He wouldn’t have survived that.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s true, Perry. He’s not this strong, invincible asshole that you think he is. He has issues.”
“We all have issues.”
“And sometimes those issues hold us back. You practically threw me out of your house. What would you have done to him?”
“Much worse.”
“Exactly. Of course he knew that. Should he have tried anyway? Maybe. But at least he did try and when you needed him the most.”
“I needed him when my heart was breaking,” I cried softly, jabbing a finger at my chest.
“But maybe you needed to put those pieces back together by yourself.”
She reached over and grabbed my hand.
“Look, I’m not here to argue with you. I know you’re angry and you’re hurt and confused and a whole mess of shite. But that funny man is one of my best friends. You’re not the only one who is hurt and angry and confused. I just want you both to be happy. And if you think you can shag your way there, I am not judging. It might be good for you.”
I rolled my eyes as my heart rate began to calm down. “If I remember correctly, it was sex with Dex that started this whole mess to begin with.”
Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully and I swallowed hard, ready for the rebuttal I knew I deserved. But she didn’t say that. She didn’t bring up my lie. Instead she said, “Life has a funny way of drawing a circle. Well, I do happen to have a good gynecologist. I can’t give you advice on IUD’s or pills or anything like that, another bonus of being a lesbian, but I’m sure I could get you in right away.”
After our rather volatile lunch was over, I thanked her profusely, feeling bad for once again turning the conversation onto myself. She didn’t mind at all, saying she needed the distraction and that my problems looked a lot easier to solve than her own.
Obviously I didn’t agree.
She ended up walking me back to the apartment. Outside the lobby, she placed the spare keys in my hand.
“These are yours now,” she said, closing my hand over them. “Try and hold onto them for a while. Give this a chance.”
“Being his roommate?”
“Being his everything.”
Well, that was never going to happen. I glanced around me at the cold, grey street. “I was thinking of getting a job, like, now. And moving out as soon as I got that.”
“I know.”
I frowned. “So you can hear my thoughts?”
“No, you twit. You’re just very easy to read sometimes.”
She gave me a quick hug, said goodbye and walked elegantly back to her car. I hoped she and Em would work things out. She deserved to be happy.
As for me, well, I thought I deserved to happy too. I just didn’t know what that meant.
I looked up at the apartment building, steadied myself, and stepped inside.