“It’s true! That’s what this is all about!”
“No, Regan. I’m not mad that you rejected me. I’m mad that you told Casey—making me out to be some psycho lesbo.”
“I didn’t make you out to be that! Casey just freaked.”
“You told her I assaulted you! What the fuck? I never assaulted you! I just misread the signs!”
“I never told her that!”
But she wasn’t sure that was the truth. She couldn’t remember what she told Casey. She just remembered being freaked out and not having the age or experience to handle the situation in a mature way. Maybe she did. Maybe she exaggerated the whole thing which wouldn’t have been fair at all. It was a simple kiss. That’s it.
“You’re a liar,” Hannah said evenly.
“What do you want me to say, Hannah?” Regan replied. “I don’t remember how I told Casey. I wish to God I never told her in the first place. I didn’t know she’d be so mean to you.”
“Fine. I’ll buy all that bullshit. But what about now, Regan? Huh? You see the way she treats me. The way she treats other people. Why are you friends with her?”
“She’s been my best friend since kindergarten.”
“So what?”
“We’ve gone through a lot together.”
“So what?”
“She’s a good person underneath it all.”
Hannah threw her head back and laughed. “Are you insane?”
“Shut up.”
“No, seriously. Have you gone insane?”
“Shut. Up.”
“Oooo. Liking the emphasis. You mean business. Maybe I should hear you out.”
Regan blinked.
“Well?”
“I . . . I don’t have to justify my friendships to you.”
“Uh huh.”
“You don’t know my history with Casey.”
“Uh huh.”
“I know it’s an act. I’m just waiting for her to wash off the face paint.”
Hannah laughed all over again. “Loving the cheesy metaphor.”
“Fuck you.”
“Oh, go fuck yourself. Are we done with this conversation?”
“Are you bullying Jarrod?” Regan demanded.
Hannah froze. “Huh?”
“Jarrod. Brandon’s little brother. Are you bullying him?”
“Why are you asking me that?”
“Because I need to know.”
Hannah thrust her face in Regan’s. Regan reared back on instinct, smacking her head against the mirror.
“Listen carefully,” Hannah said low. “I’m not some traitor, okay? I didn’t defect to the other side. I feel every day what it is to be abused and broken down. I would never do that to someone else. I would never be like you—”
“I don’t bully anyone.”
“Maybe not,” Hannah replied. “But you’re one of them by association. That’s just as bad, if not worse.”
Regan hung her head.
“If you ever ask me something like that again, I’ll rip all those dumbass extensions out of your head and wrap them around your throat.” Hannah paused, then smiled. “Because I love you, Regan, and if I can’t have you, no one can.”
Bad joke.
“Go report that back to Casey. You want a psycho lesbo? You got one,” Hannah went on.
“Get over yourself. And stop trying to be a martyr,” Regan spat.
The words tweaked a nerve, and Hannah scowled.
“You were my friend,” she said. “And then you dropped me.”
“I—”
“Shut up!” Hannah roared. “Then you see me crying in the bathroom, and you have the audacity to ask me what’s wrong! And I was so stupid. I was so stupid, Regan. I thought it meant you cared again!”
“I—”
“I don’t know why I kissed you, okay?! I mean, I know why I kissed you, but it was the wrong time. I was just all fucked up, and there you were being sweet. I thought you wanted to be friends again. I thought I’d try to show you how I felt.” She laughed derisively. “Man, I’m an idiot. And you’re nothing but a fucking fake ass bitch.”
“I—”
“Stop. Interrupting,” Hannah warned, glaring at her. Regan closed her mouth. “Then you go run to your asshole friends and tell them what I did. Why did you do that? Why were you so cruel to me?”
Regan said nothing.
“Answer me!” Hannah screamed.
“I was freaked out! Okay? I never meant to be mean to you. I told Casey in confidence. I didn’t know she’d blab. I didn’t know she would attack you the way she has!”
“But you see it! And you’re still friends with her! I don’t give a shit that she makes fun of me. Don’t you get it? It’s not about her! It’s about you! Your actions! You’re still friends with her! What does that say about you?! And how the hell could I have ever been attracted to you? You’re a fucking wimp!”
The girls stood staring at each other, verbal guns still drawn, with neither seeking another shoot out. Silence fell, and eventually, so did their weapons.
“I never thought someone would call me a ‘fucking wimp,’” Regan said softly.
“I never thought you’d be one,” Hannah replied.
“You think I like hanging out with them?”
“How should I know? But you do it anyway, and that’s your true reflection, your true nature.”
“You’re wrong. My true nature is dressing however I want even if it doesn’t fit with what’s popular. My true nature is being embarrassed every time I walk into this school, knowing I’m acting like a charlatan but feeling too afraid to . . . how did you put it? Go it alone?”
Hannah nodded.
“My true nature feels sick inside for the way people are treated here.”
“Then why did you change? You used to not care what others thought about you. You used to stick up for the little guys.”
Regan shrugged. “It was easier to fit in than to be harassed. I chickened out.”
“And that’s the scariest part of it all—that you gave in to peer pressure.”
Pause.
“Maybe my period had something to do with it,” Regan said thoughtfully.
“Huh?”
“I don’t know. Girls get weird when they start their periods. They change. Maybe it’s that.”
“Uh, you wanna blame this shit on your period?” Hannah asked.
Regan snorted.
“Take a fucking Midol and deal.”