“Elliot, are you in there?”
I open the door. Elliot is lying facedown on his bed, fast asleep. I carefully shut the door and go over to my own bed. Then I lie down and stare up at the ceiling. I want to savor this feeling for as long as I can. I close my eyes and hug one of my pillows to me as I replay every moment of the day in my head. Thank you, thank you, thank you, I whisper to the God of Inciting Incidents.
Then, when I realize I’m far too excited to fall asleep, I go over to my suitcase and pull out my laptop. Carefully avoiding my email and social networks, I go straight to my blog and sign in. There are now over four hundreds comments on my post about facing fear. I “like” them all and reply to the girl who’d been scared of her mum’s drinking. Then I open up a new post and start to type.
22 December
From Fear to Fairy Tale
Hey, guys!
Wow, you are all so amazing. I’ve just been reading your comments on my last post and they’re making me cry—but in a really good way.
I used to feel so alone before I started this blog. I used to feel like no one really understood me (apart from Wiki, of course). But reading your comments has made me realize that actually hundreds—and maybe even thousands (!)—of you totally get me.
And that makes me feel so happy.
And un-alone (is “un-alone” a word . . . ?!).
And that, actually, even though I sometimes feel as if I’m the only person who struggles with this thing called “life,” I’m not.
Thank you for being so honest about your fears—and so brave in facing them.
And please keep posting your updates because I’m sure they’ll help everyone reading this to face their own fears too.
But, guys . . . something has happened to me since I faced my fear and got on a plane.
Something truly amazing.
And I want to share it with you because the Glass Slipper Moment I was telling you about has actually come true.
Not in the way I thought it would—never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined things turning out the way they have!
Because what happened next has made me wonder if maybe when you confront your worst fear, you enter some kind of magical parallel universe where all kinds of things are possible—because I’ve met a boy.
A boy that I really like.
And I think he really likes me!
And for all the new followers of this blog (thank you, by the way!!) you might want to check out my previous posts Disastrous and Dateless and Pothole of Doom to see that this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me. Ever!
I’m the kind of girl who falls into holes and starts jibbering like a nervous wreck in front of boys. They never like me—not like like me.
They only ever want to be my friend. Or give me Chinese burns. Or make fun of me.
But this morning I met a boy who seems to like like me (I’m going to call him Brooklyn Boy). And it feels amazing because I haven’t had to pretend to be something I’m not. I haven’t had to try to be cool. I’ve totally been myself—and he still likes me.
Earlier today I was in a car with Brooklyn Boy and I started getting anxious again—in front of him.
But he didn’t think I was a freak. In fact, he was really lovely and he gave me some really cool advice that I want to share with you.
First of all, he told me that time is a great healer and that nothing lasts forever, not even the very worst things. And he should know because he lost two of the people closest to him a few years ago.
He also told me that when he lost those people, it made him get really anxious about losing the other people he loved. In the end he went to see a counselor who gave him an exercise to do whenever he started getting fearful.
Basically, it’s that whenever you get fearful or anxious you shouldn’t fight it. You should just . . . watch it in your body.
So, if your fear is making you feel all tense in your head, or sick in your stomach, or tight in your chest, you have to picture it as an actual shape and give it a color. And then just think to yourself that it’s OK to feel anxious and just allow it to be and it will start to fade away.
I haven’t tried it myself yet but Brooklyn Boy says it really helped him.
So, for all of you who posted about feeling anxious about different things, why don’t you try it yourself next time you feel that way? And I will too and then we can report back here on the blog.
I don’t know what the future is going to hold for me and Brooklyn Boy—I’m only here for another day—boo!
But I feel like something really special has happened between us.
And so I can’t believe that this is it. That I’ll never see him again.
Charming didn’t give up on Cinderella, did he? He kept on searching and searching until he was reunited with her and her slipper.
Because when you find someone who really likes you for you, and you really like them for them, you have to do all you can to not lose them.
I love you guys so much and I’m so grateful for all of your support.
Keep posting about facing your fears—and keep believing in fairy tales.
Girl Online, going offline xxx
Chapter Twenty-Three
“What, in the name of Godzilla, have you been up to?”
I open my eyes to see Elliot staring down at me through a pair of glasses with stars-and-stripes frames.
“What time is it?” I mumble, looking over to the window. It’s now dark outside and the New York skyline is twinkling away like the window of a jeweler’s shop. I must have slept away the whole rest of the afternoon.
“Time you told me what the hell you’ve been up to.” Elliot plonks himself down on my bed. “Who is Brooklyn Boy?”
“Oh.” I look at my laptop on the pillow next to me and everything comes back. Elliot must have read my blog post.
“I met him earlier. His grandma is doing the catering for the wedding.”
“What, and now you’re in love?”