I quickly covered it up by reaching for the bottle and taking the biggest gulp possible. I wasn’t lying either.
The flash of animosity and regret quickly disappeared from his eyes as he saw what I was doing and curiosity took over. I noticed he didn’t drink. I didn’t blame him, though he probably felt like it.
“Who cheated on you?” he asked.
“My boyfriend in college. Mason. He was a dick.”
“What happened?”
I sighed and felt like drinking again, just to get through answering the question. I wasn’t still hurt; I mean, it had been a few years now, but the feelings could sometimes feel fresh. I didn’t want to get into them here and now, when I was feeling vulnerable. Dex had the right idea by lying.
“Uh…I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t attractive enough for him.”
“That’s never it,” he said quietly. “It was something else.”
“OK, it was something else then. Whatever, who cares. He didn’t love me enough. He didn’t want me, I don’t know. He’s an asshole, that’s all I know.”
“You never found out why?”
I gave him a stupid look. “Don’t you think I fucking asked?”
“OK, OK, no need to get mad here. It was your question.”
I rolled my shoulders, trying to get the building tension out and stared at the wavering light of the lantern. “He said it just happened. It was a study partner of his. He just didn’t have the balls to tell me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. He broke my heart and I’ll never forgive him for that. It really fucked me over.”
I glanced over at Dex. He was looking into the forest with a strange look on his face. Maybe he was relating.
“Should we play something else?” I asked. “This took a turn for the suck.”
Dex looked down at the phone to check the time. “Sure. I was having fun.”
I gave him a small smile. “Sorry. I know I brought it on myself.”
“Hey, it’s all good. I learned something new about you. Might explain why Perry Palomino is perpetually single.”
It might. It still smarted to hear him say that though.
“I had wondered, you know,” he said softly. “I was sure you’d just have to show your face at a concert in Portland and have a crop of guys in studded vests to choose from. I went to an Anthrax show at the Memorial Coliseum, way, way back in the day. I saw many Perry ‘types’ over there.”
The truth of that was I rarely went to concerts, even to my favorite bands, because more often than not I had to go alone. But I didn’t tell him that.
Dex reached into his pocket and brought out his pack of cigarettes. He offered one to me.
“Why would I want that?” I said asked while shaking my head and pushing the pack back towards him.
“I dunno. We’re camping, drinking whisky out of the bottle, seems like the time when everyone smokes.”
He lit it, taking a puff and blowing the smoke to the side of him. The light breeze carried it away into the darkness. “How about Truth or Dare?”
That game was no better than the one before, but at least you had the dare element, which could get pretty exciting, or at least funny. Frivolity is what we needed. I agreed and we were off and running.
We stuck to dares for the first few rounds to put enough distance between us and I Have Never. I dared him to take a large shot, he dared me to sing along with the next song on his playlist, I dared him to run around the picnic table, while he dared me to take a large shot and squawk like a chicken.
Then it was my turn again.
“Truth or dare?” I asked, leaning forward on my elbows, swaying slightly.
“Dare,” he said without thinking about it.
“I dare you to kiss me,” I said. I don’t know why I said it. OK, I knew why, but it still surprised me to hear it coming out of my mouth, especially when we were just talking about cheating and all that. And, you know, it wasn’t like me to be so blunt.
Dex, too, was taken aback. He barely showed it but I could tell he did not see that one coming. Good. It was about time I saw him shocked at something I said, though I guess the arrest and shoplifting story did a good job of that.
I watched him carefully, keeping a drunk, breezy smile on my face in case he was too freaked out about it. I took on the role of the teasing temptress. All in good fun, nothing on the line here, no one’s feelings at stake. I was breezy.
He was trying to figure me out. His eyes were flickering, taking it all in. He wasn’t sure whether to smile or not but in the end, the corner of his mouth won.
“I can’t do that,” he teased.
“But you have to,” I pleaded in my lightest tone of voice. “You said during the hockey game…if you were dared. This is your dare.”
“It’s kind of inappropriate.”
Actually it was perfectly appropriate when you took in everything I had just said.
“Whatever,” I said. “You have to take truth then.”
I tried not to look as rejected and pathetic as I felt with him turning me down, and kept that flirty smile on my face. He leaned in a little closer. Our eyes locked but I didn’t want to give anything away. I hoped that being drunk was preventing him from reading me.
I think it worked because he leaned back slightly and said, “OK, give me truth then.”
I wanted the truth to be something he couldn’t back out of. Something he had to answer, inappropriate or not, something I really wanted to know. I had just the question.
“What was that phone call about? The one you got at the hockey game that you freaked out on and ran away. Who called you? What did they say?”
From the way his shoulders sunk like I had placed some giant, invisible weight on them, to the way his eyes went blank, I knew I had asked the right question. It was something he would have never answered in a million years and now he had to. Or at least, I hoped he had to. I couldn’t force Dex to do anything but I hoped this time I wouldn’t have to.
I let him bide his time, let him suck on his full lower lip, let his eyes try and to stay hidden by blasé and the shadows. I let him feel the booze work through his veins, hoping that it would take his guard down a few notches like it had done with me. I let him decide what to do next.
He answered. He tried to appear casual about it but he said, “Jennifer is pregnant.”
And with those words, my whole world came crashing down.