“Now you’re being unfair, trying to blackmail me.” Anger flared in her eyes. “How do you think I feel when I see you two going off into dangerous places, never able to tell me where you’ll be or what you’re doing? I never know when, or even if you’ll come back, but I don’t try to stop you going.”
“We’re soldiers,” Zeke repeated with exaggerated patience. “It’s what we do. We don’t have a choice, but you do.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Actually, I don’t.”
Only angry breathing on the part of Zeke and Raoul, and anguished sighs from Cantara, broke through the ensuing brittle silence. Raoul knew they shouldn’t have lost their tempers, but it was damned hard not to when she insisted upon being so stubborn.
“Are you telling me not to go?” she asked in a small voice.
“No,” Raoul replied. “We wouldn’t do that. They only time we give you direct orders is in the bedroom, and you don’t have to obey them if they make you uncomfortable. What we are doing is telling you we love you, can’t imagine life without you, and have this annoying male gene that makes us want to protect you.”
“I know that, and I appreciate it, but—”
“We’re asking you not to go,” Zeke said, standing. “And, you’re right, we’re not above using blackmail. That being the case, you should know that if anything happens to you, our lives will be over, too.”
“Oh, Zeke.” She stood and threw her arms around his neck. “What can I do or say to make you both understand what you mean to me? You gave me a reason to live, reminded me it was all right to feel things and to risk loving again. You’ve taught me who I am supposed to be.”
“But you would throw it all away on some unrealistic dream?” Raoul asked, his tone now despondent rather than angry. “This part of the world has been at war for centuries. It’s rather arrogant of us to assume we can broker peace when so many before us have failed.”
“Perhaps it is, but my country means so much to me, especially after what happened to my family. Someone has to try and make the various factions see sense. I didn’t tell you before now about this opportunity because I knew how you would be.” Her lovely eyes were clouded with pain. “I have doubts, of course I do. I know the risks. What if I’m captured, or killed? What if I never see you two again or, worse, you’re captured trying to protect me?” She shook her head. “My heart splinters at the prospect.”
“Then why?” Zeke asked, shaking his head in bewilderment.
“Because I think about my family, lost to me forever.”
She lifted her chin and fixed them both with a look of steely determination, which is when Raoul knew she wouldn’t back down. The solider in him didn’t blame her. The man in him wanted to put up all manner of objections. Before he could do so, she spoke again.
“It’s time to bring this madness to an end so no other families have to suffer in the way I have. I will do what I have to all the time there’s a chance of making a difference, period.” She folded her arms defensively beneath her breasts. “It gives me something to live for.”
“And we don’t?” Raoul shot back at her.
“You know you do,” she replied with such pathos in her tone that Raoul found it hard to maintain his anger. “But this is bigger than the three of us.” She shook her head. “When my family were annihilated, it left me dead emotionally. I didn’t think the part of me that died with my loved ones would ever be brought back to life. And yet, I now have not one but two gorgeous men who fire my passions and help me to put it all in perspective.”
“Our pleasure,” Zeke said in a muted tone.
“Every time I close my eyes and recall the faces of my parents and husband, their lives wiped out by that stupid bomb, it makes me feel—well, guilty, I suppose.”
“Survivor’s guilt,” Raoul said.
“Right. I would have been in that house at the time, if I hadn’t popped out on an errand. My marriage wasn’t a happy one but my husband didn’t deserve to die any more than my parents did.” She sighed, swiping at the tears flooding her eyes. “Then my stupid, misguided brothers, hot headed and out for revenge, joined the local militants—”
“The people you now planned to mediate with?” Zeke reminded her.
“Yes. My brothers both lost their lives on an ill-advised sortie into Israeli territory. The militants who sent them know they miscalculated in sending them. They know I have reason to be mad at them, which is why they owe me, and probably why they asked to speak with me.”
Raoul could think of a dozen reasons why that wasn’t the case, but knew he would be wasting his breath to voice them. Cantara had grieved for her family, then decided the killing had to stop, which is when she volunteered to help the peacekeeping forces. Someone had to make these war-hungry men understand violence wasn’t the answer and there was enough land for everyone to live in peace, regardless of their religious beliefs.
“You say you can take care of yourself,” Raoul said, trying another, less emotional, tack. “But you have to realize you won’t be able to take so much as a nail file with you for protection. They will search you when they pick you up, then blindfold you so you don’t know where they’re taking you. Once you get there, you will be at their complete mercy. There is an outside chance they want to negotiate, but no more than that. My guess is that they’ll try and turn you, put pressure on you to work for their side. If that fails, they’ll treat you as a traitor.” He fixed her with a steady gaze. “And you know what they do to female traitors.”
Cantara swallowed. “Yes, I do know, and I’ve thought about it.”