“How did you meet him?”
“Over a cavity,” she says and I smile with my mouth closed, suddenly self-conscious about my teeth which are more crooked than they should be. “His. My teeth are fantastic. Anyway, we were friends and then we were best friends and then he fell in love with me. After a while, I caught up.”
“That’s sweet.”
“I think so too.” She takes the empty bottle from my hand, so all I’m holding is Leon’s. “So you’re at Swan’s. Do you like it?”
“It’s okay.”
“Do you work there to save up for college or…”
“No. That’s not…” It’s probably a little too much to lay on someone you’ve just met that college is not a destination or a dream. “I don’t think college is really my thing.”
“Leon felt that way too. It used to drive me crazy but he’s kind of opened my mind about it,” she says. “And he’s happy.”
“That’s all that matters, right?”
She raises her chin and studies me. Her eyes are still warm, but she’s looking for something that’s not there, I think. More. I take another long drink of the beer and then I remember it’s not mine. Leon should be back by now. I pick at the label and try to think of something to say. “So you never said if you’re having a boy or girl.”
“We won’t know until it’s born.”
I hope it’s not a girl.
The thought shocks me, comes so quick it has to be honest.
So I think it again, careful and slow to be sure.
I hope it’s not a girl.
I feel it even more the second time.
A woman walks up then, says Caro, you’re glowing! and I move aside, disconnecting while I wait for Leon. He’s taking an awful long time to turn off his headlights and the longer he takes, the stranger I feel. Light-headed. Familiar … I stare at the near empty bottle in my hands and—oh.
Oh … no.
That’s not what I meant to do.
There’s a warmth all through me. I don’t drink—haven’t in … a while. Not that I had the most amazing tolerance then, but now it must be nothing.
Because I feel it.
I swallow and scan the yard for Leon because now he’s the last person I want to see. I can’t be around him like this. My stomach twists, disagrees with itself. I turn to the rail of the gazebo, white-knuckling it. I can’t be sick here, in front of everyone. I press my hand against my mouth.
“Hey, are you okay?” Caro’s hand is on my back and then it’s off again, like she’s not sure she’s allowed. I shake my head. “What’s wrong?”
“I drank too fast.”
She has to lean close to hear me, makes me repeat myself.
“Are you going to be sick?” She’s surprised.
I nod and she says it’s okay, follow me, like this is nothing, like she’s been doing this her whole life: leading girls away from the party to the quiet place. I walk slowly after her, scared that any second now, I’ll puke all over the neat lines of her house, where everything looks so perfect and matches. We go up some stairs, down a hallway of doors. She opens one at the very end and ushers me in, turns on the light. It’s too bright. I wince and she pushes a switch until it dims.
“Guest bedroom.” She points across it. “Bathroom.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, because I want to leave some semblance of a good impression almost as badly as my stomach wants this beer out of me. “I was so nervous…”
“First time I met Adam’s family, it was New Year’s. I got pretty over-served,” she says. “I get it. Take your time. I’m going to find Leon for you, okay?”
Caro’s barely closed the door behind her before I’m in the bathroom on my knees, in front of the toilet. As soon as I hear her leave, my stomach gives one final warning lurch and most of what I drank comes back up. Stringy strands of spit dangle into the bowl from my lips and my eyes burn at the sour sting of it all. When I’m sure there’s nothing left, I flush the toilet, wipe my mouth, and crawl across the floor. I rest against the cupboards under the sink.
Idiot.
“Shut up,” I say.
The ragged sound of my voice steadies me, makes me feel like I’m in the room. I swallow, my mouth dry and sore, vomit-spent, and then I get to my feet. I splash cold water on my face and search the mirrored cabinet in front of me. I find a travel-sized bottle of mouthwash, toothpaste, and a glass full of individually packaged toothbrushes, which is just so …
I brush my teeth and rinse my mouth and then I leave the bathroom for the empty bedroom. I half expect Leon to be waiting when I come out, but he’s not there. I walk over to the window and peer out at the party. I like it better from this distance, away from everyone. Safe.
After a while, the door opens behind me.
A silhouette of a boy in the hall divides me between the girl who knows it has to be Leon and the one who whispers it might not be Leon, but I don’t know if it matters. I don’t know what would make one boy more or less dangerous than the other.
“What took so long?” I ask.
“One of Caro’s friends has a hard time getting around. Asked to swap parking places with me because I was closer to the house and then my car stalled halfway out. Adam had a field day with that.” He steps into the room, closing the door behind him. I turn back to the window. “How are you feeling? Caro said you got a little ahead of yourself.”
“I really like her,” I say. He steps closer and just the sound of him moving is as easy and assured as the way he works in the kitchen at Swan’s, like there’s not one part of him that doesn’t know what it’s doing, what he’s capable of. He moves behind me.
“I’m really glad you came,” he murmurs and there’s only one reason someone gets this close, I think, and talks so low, and says a sweet thing.
“Why do you like me, Leon?”
What do you want from me, Leon.
He laughs a little. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Just … soon as I saw you, I liked you.”