A Red Herring Without Mustard: A Flavia de Luce Novel

Her eyelids were already flickering as I drew the drapes.

 

“Sleep tight,” I said, but I don’t think she heard me.

 

The doorbell rang as I came down the stairs. Rats! Just when I thought I was alone. I counted to ten and opened the door—just as the bell rang again.

 

Inspector Hewitt was standing there, his finger still on the button, a slightly embarrassed look on his face, as if he were a small boy who’d been caught playing Knock-Knock-Run.

 

They certainly don’t believe in letting the grass grow under their feet, I thought. It had been less than ten minutes since I’d spoken to Constable Linnet.

 

The Inspector seemed a little taken aback to see me at the door.

 

“Ah,” he said. “The ubiquitous Flavia de Luce.”

 

“Good afternoon, Inspector,” I said, in a butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-her-heart voice. “Won’t you come in?”

 

“Thank you, no,” he replied. “I understand there’s been another … incident.”

 

“An incident,” I said, falling into the game. “It’s Brookie Harewood, I’m afraid. The quickest way to the Trafalgar Lawn is through here,” I added, pointing towards the east. “Follow me and I’ll show you.”

 

“Hold on,” Inspector Hewitt said. “You’ll do no such thing. I want you to keep completely out of this. Do you understand, Flavia?”

 

“It is our property, Inspector,” I said, just to remind him that he was talking to a de Luce.

 

“Yes, and it’s my investigation. So much as one of your fingerprints at the scene and I’ll have you up on charges. Do you understand?”

 

What insolence! It didn’t deserve an answer. I could have said “My fingerprints are already at the scene, Inspector,” but I didn’t. I spun on my heel and slammed the door in his face.

 

Inside, I quickly clapped my ear to the panel and listened for all I was worth.

 

Although it sounded like a dry chuckle, the sound I heard must really have been a little cry of dismay from the Inspector at having so foolishly lost the services of a first-rate mind.

 

Damn and blast the man! He’d regret his high-handed manner. Oh yes he would—he’d regret it!

 

Up the stairs I flew to my chemical laboratory. I unlocked the heavy door, stepped into the room, and almost instantly relaxed as a deep feeling of peace came over me.

 

There was something special about the place: The way in which the light fell so softly through the tall leaded casement windows, the warm brass glow of the Leitz microscope that had once belonged to Uncle Tar and was now so satisfyingly mine, the crisp—almost eager—shine of the laboratory’s glassware, the cabinets filled with neatly labeled bottles of chemicals (including some quite remarkable poisons), and the rows upon rows of books—all of these lent to the room something I can only describe as a sense of sanctuary.

 

I took one of the tall laboratory stools and lifted it onto a counter near the windows. Then, from the bottom drawer of the desk—which, because it contained his diaries and documents, I still thought of as being Uncle Tar’s—I removed a pair of German binoculars. Their lenses, I had learned from one of the books in his library, had been made from a special sand found only in the Thuringian Forest near the village of Martinroda, in Germany, which, because of its aluminum oxide content, produced an image of remarkable clarity. Which was precisely what I needed!

 

With the binoculars hung round my neck, I used a chair to climb up onto the countertop, then scaled the stool, where I teetered uneasily atop my improvised observation tower, my head almost touching the ceiling.

 

Using one hand to steady myself against the window frame, and the binoculars pressed to my eyes with the other, I used whatever fingers were left to turn the focusing knob.

 

As the hedges surrounding the Trafalgar Lawn sprang into sharp detail, I realized that the view from the laboratory, and from this angle, should be much better than the one I’d had from my bedroom window.

 

Yes—there was Poseidon, gazing out upon his invisible ocean, oblivious to the dark bundle dangling from his trident. But now I had a good view of the entire fountain.

 

With distance collapsed by the powerful lenses, I could also see Inspector Hewitt as he came into view from behind the fountain, raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun, and stood gazing up at Brookie’s body. He pursed his lips and I could almost hear in my mind the little whistle that escaped him.

 

I wondered if he knew he was being watched.

 

The image in the binoculars faded suddenly, was restored—and then faded again. I took the glasses away from my eyes and realized that a sudden cloud had blotted out the sun. Although it was too far to the west for me to actually see it, I could tell by the darkness that had fallen on the landscape that we were in for a storm.

 

I raised the binoculars again just in time to see that the Inspector was now looking directly at me. I gasped—then realized that it was a trick of the optics; of course he couldn’t see me. He must be looking up at the storm clouds that were gathering over Buckshaw.

 

He turned away, then turned again, and now it appeared as if he was talking to somebody, and so he was. As I looked on, Detective Sergeant Woolmer came round the base of the fountain carrying a heavy kit, closely followed by Dr. Darby and Detective Sergeant Graves. They must all have come in the same car, I thought, and driven round by way of the Gully and the Palings.

 

Before you could say Jack Robinson, Sergeant Woolmer had set up his folding tripod and attached the heavy police camera. I marveled at how deftly his stubby fingers handled the delicate controls, and how quickly he managed to take his initial exposures.

 

There was a sudden, blinding flash of lightning, followed almost instantly by an ear-splitting clap of thunder, and I nearly toppled off the stool. I let the binoculars fall free to dangle round my neck, and slapped both hands against the windowpanes to regain my balance.

 

What was it Daffy had once told me during a summer downpour?

 

“Stay away from windows during a thunderstorm, you silly moke.”

 

Now here I was, with lightning licking at the transom, pinned against the glass like a butterfly to a card in the Natural History Museum.

 

“Even if the lightning misses you,” she’d added, “the breath will be sucked from your lungs by the sound of the thunder, and you’ll be turned inside out like a red sock.”

 

The lightning flashed again and the thunder roared, and now the rain was coming down in sweeping sheets, pounding on the roof like the roll of kettledrums. A sudden wind had sprung up, and the trees in the park pitched wildly in its gusts.

 

Actually it was quite exhilarating. Daffy be damned, I thought. If I practiced a bit, I could even come to love the thunder and the lightning.

 

I straightened up, adjusted my balance, and raised the glasses to my eyes.

 

What I saw was like a scene from Hell. In the watery green light, blown by the wind and illuminated by erratic flashes of lightning, the three policemen were removing Brookie’s body from the trident. They had looped a rope under his armpits, and were lowering him slowly, almost tenderly to the ground. Towering above them in the rain, Poseidon, like a monstrous stone Satan with his pitchfork at the ready, still stared out across his watery world as if he were bored stiff with the antics of mere humans.

 

Inspector Hewitt reached out to touch the rope and ease the body’s descent, his hair plastered flat against his forehead by the rain, and for a moment, I had the feeling that I was watching some horrific passion play.

 

And perhaps I was.

 

Only when Sergeant Woolmer had fetched a bit of tarpaulin from his kit and covered Brookie’s body did the men seem to think of sheltering themselves. Although it provided precious little protection, Dr. Darby held his black medical bag above his head and stood there motionless, looking miserable in the rain.

 

Inspector Hewitt had unfolded a small transparent raincoat and slipped it on over his saturated clothing. It seemed like something that a chambermaid might wear, and I wondered if his lovely wife, Antigone, had slipped it into his pocket for emergencies such as this.

 

Sergeant Woolmer stood stolid in the downpour, as if his bulk were protection enough against the wind and rain, while Sergeant Graves, who was the only one of the four small enough to do so, had tucked himself comfortably under the lowest bowl of the fountain on the downwind side, where he squatted as dry as a duck.

 

Then suddenly, as quickly as it had begun, the storm was over. The dark cloud was now drifting off to the east as the sun reappeared and the birds renewed their interrupted songs.

 

Sergeant Woolmer removed the waterproof covering with which he had draped his camera, and began photographing the fountain from every imaginable angle. As he began his close-ups, an ambulance came into view, teetering its way across the rough ground between the Palings and the Trafalgar Lawn.

 

After a few words with the driver, Dr. Darby helped shift Brookie’s shrouded body onto a stretcher, then climbed into the passenger’s seat.

 

As the ambulance bumped slowly away, swerving to avoid the half-buried statuary, I noticed that a rainbow had appeared. An eerie yellow light had come upon the landscape, making it seem like some garish painting by a madman.

 

On the far side of the Trafalgar Lawn, at the edge of the trees, something moved. I swiveled a bit and refocused quickly, just in time to see a figure vanish into the wood.

 

Another poacher, I thought, watching the police; not wanting to be seen.

 

I made a slow sweep of the tree trunks, but whoever had been there was gone.

 

I found the ambulance again with the binoculars, and watched until it vanished behind a distant hedge. When it was lost to view, I climbed down from the stool and locked up the laboratory.

 

If I wanted to search Brookie’s digs before the police got there, I’d have to get cracking.

 

 

 

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