A Breath After Drowning

For the first time, Nelly was making sense. Because if it was true, then the victim would carry the guilt and shame around with her forever. “So there was no six-hour gap? Is that what you’re saying?” Kate said.

Nelly sighed heavily. “We were alone at my folks’ house. They were out of town. They did that sometimes, asked Uncle Henry to watch over me. Ha. He watched over me, all right. He’d been babysitting me for years. He loved that. My father was such a worrywart. He thought, we can’t leave Penny alone in the house, she’ll have boys over, she’ll get in trouble… Me? The biggest wallflower in Roosevelt High? But they trusted Uncle Henry…

“He’d do stuff to me, and we’d eat a meal and watch TV, and then he’d talk about himself. Like I cared. And then he’d do stuff to me again, and we’d watch TV again. It was endless. In his twisted mind, we were star-crossed lovers. I was like a secret girlfriend. But I was scared stiff.” Nelly’s eyes swam with tears. “The police pressured me into lying. They kept me at the station house for hours, asking the same questions over and over again. What was he doing the whole time he was in the house with you? What do you mean you watched TV? Is that all? He didn’t go out for a beer? Did he leave the house at any point? Why are you lying to us? We don’t believe you. You’ll be arrested for perjury. He must’ve left the house at some point.” She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “They didn’t want the truth. They kept me locked inside this tiny room with nothing to drink, no pee break, no lawyer. I felt like a criminal. I was scared to death. It wore me down. I just wanted to go home. What do you mean, he was with you the whole time? He must’ve gone out at some point. He went out, right? They were so convinced of his guilt, I figured… maybe if I told them what they wanted to hear, they’d lock him up and throw away the key, and I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. You know? I thought about that real hard.”

“Okay,” Kate said softly. “But if he didn’t do it, then who killed my sister? Who buried her in his backyard?”

“I don’t know. He had plenty of enemies. He owed money all over town.” Nelly shook her head. “But I’m telling you… he never let me out of his sight. Always pawing at me. He wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“But the evidence against him was overwhelming,” Kate argued. “His prints were on the shovel. His hair was tangled up in the rope.” She paused a moment, thinking how best to explain. “Listen, I understand. Our memories can be tricky. How do you know you aren’t confusing events, dates, places? There’s something called false memory syndrome. Maybe deep down, you don’t want to be held responsible for your uncle’s execution?”

Nelly’s mouth was pressed shut. She glared at Kate. At some point in therapy, all of Kate’s patients glared at her like that. “Look, Dr. Wolfe. I’m not lying. My uncle was a brutal man. I hate him for what he did to me. But he didn’t kill your sister. And I don’t know who did. But whoever it is… he’s still out there.”





17

FIVE HOURS LATER, KATE was sitting cross-legged on their bedroom floor, about to lose her lunch. She tried calling James again, but it was going straight to voicemail.

There was an empty wine bottle and a plate of cigarette butts on the rug in front of her. There was a scrapbook full of pictures she’d been pawing through, faded color snapshots of her family on birthdays and holidays. Tension had built up behind Kate’s eyes. It hurt to swallow. The grief was right there. So close. Her emotions were at a tipping point. But she refused to cry. She needed to handle this professionally. She had to hold it together.

The front door bumped open and shut. “Babe?” James called from the foyer.

“Oh my God. James? Where’ve you been? Why was your phone off? I’ve been trying to reach you for hours!”

He came to the doorway holding a paper bag from Safeway. “Sorry, sweetie. I forgot my charger. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Nelly Ward told me that Henry Blackwood didn’t kill my sister… that whoever did it is still out there. She claims the police pressured her into lying, that she lied on the witness stand, and that he didn’t leave her for six hours. She says he never left her alone for a second.”

“Whoa, slow down.” James came into the room, dropped the grocery bag on the bed, and sat down on the floor next to her. “Okay, first…” He cupped her face in his hands and lovingly kissed her.

She pulled away. “What if it’s true? What if he didn’t do it? What if they’re about to execute an innocent man?”

He gave her a skeptical look. “Do you honestly believe that?”

Kate shook her head. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m pretty convinced Nelly was telling the truth. She said her uncle was abusing her for years. That much rings true. But if he never left her side that day, then that means…”

“Hold on. This is classic guilt-driven behavior. She’s probably having second thoughts about the execution. He was abusing her? Okay. But the jury saw all the evidence, Kate. It was a solid case. With or without her testimony.”

“But she was so convincing…”

“She might believe it. Doesn’t make it true.”

“Right.” She nodded reluctantly. “False memory syndrome. I did think of that.”

“And besides, why hasn’t she gone to the defense team with this information? That’s the proper way to handle it. Why tell you and nobody else?”

“She’s embarrassed…”

“Kate.”

“You’re right,” she said with a heavy sigh. She squinted at him. “I couldn’t reach you. Where were you? They said you left the hospital hours ago.”

“I traded shifts with Peter and took some time off.”

“You left work early?”

“I needed to clear my head. I had a few drinks. Hung out at Best Buy. You know. Guy stuff.” He picked up the empty wine bottle. “Wow, too bad. We could’ve gotten wasted together.”

“What’s in the Safeway bag?”

He helped her to her feet, and they sat on the edge of the bed together. He overturned the bag, and a family-sized bag of Stay Puft marshmallows spilled out.

“Marshmallows?” Kate said. “Seriously?”

“I was drunk-shopping.”

“I nearly lost my shit when I couldn’t reach you.”

“Sorry, babe. It won’t happen again. I promise.” He ripped the bag open. “Want one? They’re like medicine.”

“No, thanks.”

“Come on. Can’t I tempt you?” He popped one into his mouth. “Yum.”

“So you went to a bar? You had a few drinks?”

“Listen, I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately. About our future. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, Kate… this whole ordeal with Nikki and the execution… so I have a suggestion.”

“What?”

“Don’t get mad at me, okay?”

“Just tell me.”

“Maybe you aren’t the right person to be treating Maddie Ward?”

“James…”

“Let’s try to be objective about this. Look at how complicated it’s getting.”

“You’re right. It is complicated. I’ve been sitting here thinking the very same thing. But then, I came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t be making decisions based on Nelly’s behavior. Maddie’s just beginning to trust me. We’ve bonded. I know I can help her.”

“If you think you’re going to have one of those ‘eureka’ moments, I guarantee you, it’ll break your heart. You know as well as I do we’re just a part of the process when it comes to our patients. Most of them will be in and out of mental health facilities for the rest of their lives. We can’t fix them all by ourselves. None of us is a miracle worker.”

“She’s only got five days left. Eight tops. We can’t afford to change horses midstream.”

“Kate…”

“I’m not going to let anything cloud my professional judgment, okay?” She could tell he’d given up arguing, because his shoulders slumped forward—that was his tell. She glanced at the marshmallows on the bed. “Is that your dinner?”

He kicked off his shoes. “Lie down next to me.”

“James…”

“Lie down.” He patted the mattress.

She heaved a sigh and settled in next to him. He wrapped his arms around her, and they breathed softly against one another.

“Let’s not fight anymore,” she said.

“Sorry, were we fighting?”

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