Velvet Dogma

chapter 14



Rebecca stood on the roof of Maria's CONEX stack staring across the city of Day Eaters. With no sun or moon and only the tsunami wall as her horizon, she couldn't tell what time of day it was. The city was lit in the same subdued glow created by interior lights and bonfires that she'd first seen upon entering. No weather. No sunrise or sunset. Yet through the cycle of life, she knew it was night.

She'd left Andy in bed as she slipped away in search of fresh air and a place to think. As she'd climbed, she'd seen Maria asleep in the fourth CONEX of the stack. The fifth stack was used as a library. Although it was inviting to peruse actual paper books, Rebecca felt the need to look inward, and for that she needed to be alone.

So here she stood, looking out upon the City of the Day Eaters, and she was pleased.

Her thighs still buzzed from their passions. Her mind was spinning with Velvet Dogma. Was it just hours ago that she'd been in fear for her life, afraid that behind every street corner, every curious smile, every closed door were the assassins who'd tried to get her once, and who had probably killed her brother? And now, in this city of lepers she had found peace.

Andy. She didn't know how it had happened. One moment he was explaining to her Velvet Dogma, and the next she was pushing him down, kissing him along his strong jaw, nuzzling the hollow beneath his ear and tasting his sweat. He tried to push her away at first, but she'd leapt atop him, holding him down with both her hands. She felt powerful, stronger than she'd ever felt before. Was it Becka-309? Velvet Dogma? Or a pure unadulterated lust that had gone untapped for nearly twenty years? She didn't care. Within seconds much of the fabric that had been wound around her body had fluttered to the floor. She'd felt her body flush. Her skin tightened around her nipples in anticipation of Andy's hands. When they'd touched her, it was like an electric shock. She'd ripped his shirt in her haste to remove it. Beneath his shirt his chest was not the sallow chest of a computer geek, but well-muscled like an athlete's. She'd lost herself for long moments, her hands following the hot contours over and over.

When he'd entered her she'd felt on fire. Even thinking about it now sent a flush to her face. She brought her hand up and laughed huskily. He'd felt like a red hot piston turning her into a machine. Through it all her heart and mind soared, straining to leave her body and chase the waves of pleasure that radiated from them.

And finally, when they'd lain spent and satiated, he was the first to fall asleep, leaving her breathless and wanting more. Rebecca had thought of waking him, but she wanted the chance to think through what she'd done.

So here she was.

Her baby brother had been busy while she'd been away. He'd become a first class hacker, working on his own projects with fringers like Panchet and someone called the Ack Ack Deacon. She hadn't asked about this deacon character when Andy had brought him up. She'd make sure to ask next time.

Always in the background, David's pet project had been to try and find Becka-309. When he did, he'd formed a loosely organized collective of far-flung hackers to help him shepherd the program home. But what they'd discovered was that no longer was it the simple worm Rebecca had created so long ago. Becka-309 had grown by such proportions that it required more server space to contain than any other known program. Even now, a special databank was being created in what had been known as Mammoth Cave, before it had been purchased by the Velvet Dogma Corporation. So as Andy said, everything was in place for download. All he needed were the protocols, known only to Rebecca.

Rebecca wondered if she'd have learned so much if her brother had he been alive. Somehow he'd always kept to himself, reserving suggestions until the perfect time, unwilling to be seen as presumptuous or insulting. She'd sometimes felt as if he'd seen her more as a mother than a sister. After all, when their parents had died and they were sent to live with their grandma, Rebecca was the one to whom David had looked to for guidance.

His birthday was also the anniversary of their parents' death. She hadn't known what to buy him, thinking that maybe the best thing would be to ignore the day and treat it as any other one. But in the end she'd decided that no kid should go without a birthday gift. With only twenty bucks in her pocket and a second hand store to buy from, she'd left an hour later with a gift-wrapped picture.

All the way home she'd wondered what she was thinking. Tacky.

Trailer trash.

The perfect mate for a velvet Elvis.

He was eleven and she was buying him a painting to play with. She'd almost thrown it in the gutter, and would have had David not been standing at the screen door, staring out at the sidewalk waiting for her to arrive. When he saw her, he screamed towards the living room, "She's here, grannie! She's here!"

Rebecca rolled her eyes and couldn't help but grin. Scooting the painting up beneath her arm so it wouldn't fall, she hurried up the walk and into the house. Within minutes David was hopping up and down chanting "What did you get for me Sis?" over and over. After Grandma had insisted that he be patient nearly a dozen times causing him to veritably vibrate the floor beneath his little feet, young David had ripped the paper from the picture, tossing it aside to stare at the gift Rebecca had given him.

For a full minute he'd held the painting in front of him, arms extended, serious eyes roaming over the velvet features of the dogs, the poker table and the cards. Rebecca watched him, wondering what was running through his mind. Of all the presents he wanted or could have had, this picture wasn't one of them.

Finally he looked up. "This is a grown-up present, isn't it?"

Rebecca had nodded, not knowing what to say.

"Then I like it," he said. He took the picture to his bedroom, closed the door and hadn't come out until morning.

To this day, Rebecca didn't know what he'd really thought on that eleventh birthday, but he came to love the painting, often expositing philosophy upon the dogs, using them as metaphors and symbols for whatever situation he found himself in at the time.

The sound of someone climbing up the ladder disturbed her reverie.

"Not much of a sunrise, is it?"

Rebecca blinked out of the memory and turned as Maria pulled herself up the last foot to stand on the rooftop. She wore a simple robe that buttoned down the front.

"No."

"That's one of the things we gave up when we came down here." Standing next to Rebecca, Maria smelled faintly of roses. "We've paid a price for our passion. Some say too much."

"You cast yourselves out."

"We did. And there are times I just want to be a mother and a wife with nothing to worry about except my family, school and where the next meal is coming from."

"I never imagined that when I fell in love with computers that it would lead to prison." Rebecca admired Maria and what she'd had to live through. She herself hadn't experienced but a few days of this new world. Would it have been easier if she'd not gone to prison, experiencing instead the changes incrementally over the years? She was reminded of the inherent cruelty of young boys and how at ten years old the rage had been to hold magnifying glasses above ladybugs, patiently waiting for the magnified sun to fry the little creatures to smithereens–a term the ten-year-old version of her brother had worn out with giggles and innocence.

She couldn't help but wonder if maybe time was just like the magnifying glass?

"Do you regret it?" The way it was understood to be the leprous gap that separated the two women.

"Not really. I regret having to do it, but knowing what I know, I could never go back."

"Me, too, I suppose." Rebecca thought her response overly brave, remembering when she'd cried in prison and begged an absentee God to let her do it all over again.

Maria turned and placed her palm on Rebecca's cheek. The comforting gesture was like that of a sister or a girlfriend. She read the pathos in Maria's eyes and knew that the woman understood her. That very thought was an anchor amid the sea of counter-purposed currents in which she found herself barely able to keep her head above water in.

"You poor, dear girl. So much weight upon your shoulders. So much responsibility." When Rebecca responded with only a blank look, Maria moved her hand down to her shoulder. "Much hope rests in your Velvet Dogma. Your brother thought that you could help retrieve it and be a part of the community to present it to the world."

"They need the password."

"Do you know it?"

"Yes." She'd kept it from the government interrogators, her friends, her family and even her dreams for fear she'd whisper it to the gossamer shadows of a dream.

"Then you have to decide if you're going to use it."

Rebecca stared at Maria for a long moment. To not give the password had never occurred to her, but she realized now that she did have that power. They knew where the program was now, but it had grown to leviathan proportions. They could not control it without her. They were giving her power that she'd never asked for, condemning her to a responsibility she'd never wanted. What if she was wrong? What if Velvet Dogma did more harm than good?

Seeing the panic in her eyes, Maria shook her head. "Don't worry. No one here is going to force you to tell us. That goes against everything in which we believe. We'd rather you do it out of informed free will."

Informed. But what did she really know? Not that she disbelieved the things that Kumi and Andy had said, but her world view was as limited as the slice of magnified sun wielded by those ten-year-old boys, and if she wasn't careful, just as deadly in the end.

"I was kept in solitary in prison. No news. No access to anything electronic. I was allowed to read books, but only those published before my incarceration. Maria, I am as in the dark about this world as a newborn. I mean, I look at the Tsunami Wall. I know why it's there because of what I was told, but it's as if someone snapped their fingers and my memory of the LA Beaches was instantly replaced by this wall. I know it's there and real, but I don't have any background or memories of the steps leading up to the building of it. It's hard to explain."

"No, I think I understand. You only have snapshots of the world, not a complete understanding. You need to know more. You need to understand what has become of your world, both good and bad. You know everything isn't bad in the world. There are some great and wonderful things."

"Can you help me?"

"Of course I can. We are teachers and would like nothing more than to teach you. But let me get my son to do this. I think it's important to hear the story told from a generation who didn't witness it all. As in all history, the point of view of the teller is preeminent when considering the faithfulness of the dialogue."

"You'll do that for me?"

"You are not as alone as you believe, Rebecca."

Rebecca smiled and nodded, but didn't entirely understand.

"You are part of our family. David was one of us. He took the choice early this year."

"David?" He'd become a leper?

"He wanted to protest. He wanted to be a part of something. He'd always envied you, you know. He called you a hero."

I'm no hero. I'm just a girl. A woman, she corrected herself. "He became one of you?"

"He did." Maria beamed.

"Do you think he did it because of me?"

"I think maybe a little bit."

"How does it work? Is it painful?"

Maria turned serious, her gaze level. "If there comes a time that you really want to know, contact me."

The reply left no doubt as to what she'd need to do to get the answer. Rebecca decided that she wasn't ready to know. She didn't know if she'd ever be ready.

"Now get back to bed. There's a good five hours before the city will be waking. After breakfast, I'll rouse my son. You'll like him and understand why I chose him to teach you, and after awhile, you'll appreciate why."

Maria left, slipping swiftly and out of sight.

Rebecca lingered a few moments longer, staring at the Tsunami Wall. Then she, too left. She found Andy twisted in the silken sheets and lay down next to him, smelling his musk. She listened to his breathing for awhile. When she kissed his neck, she heard it change and knew he was awake.

"Rebecca?" Sleep slurred his speech.

"Of course, silly."

Then she pulled herself to him and they made love once again.

This time slowly.

This time with detail.