The Martian

lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I'd have to use my Master's degree for something else.”

 

“I remember when you were shy.”

 

“I'm space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Venkat said. “Just send the email.”

 

“Already sent.”

 

 

 

 

 

LOG ENTRY: SOL 499

 

 

 

I had a busy day today and I got a lot done.

 

I started out pretty sore. I had to sleep on the wall of the rover. The bedroom won't work when the airlock is facing up. I did get to use the bedroom, somewhat. I folded it up and used it as a bed.

 

Anyway, suffice to say the wall of the rover wasn't made for sleeping on. But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.

 

At first I figured my top priority was the trailer. Then I changed my mind. After taking a good look at it, I decided I'd never be able to right it by myself. I'd need the rover.

 

So today was focused on getting the rover righted.

 

I brought all my tools along on this trip, figuring I'd need them for the MAV modifications. And along with them I brought cabling. Once I get set up at the MAV, my solar cells and batteries will be in a fixed position. I don't want to move the rover around every time I use a drill on the far side of the MAV. So I brought all the electrical cabling I could fit.

 

Good thing, too. Because it doubles as rope.

 

I dug up my longest cable. It's the same one I used to power the drill that destroyed Pathfinder. I call it my “Lucky Cable.”

 

I plugged one end in to the battery and the other in to the infamous sample drill. Then walked off with the drill to find solid ground. Once I found it, I kept going until I'd gone as far as the electrical line would reach. I drove a 1-meter bit half a meter into a rock, unplugged the power line, and tied it around the base of the bit.

 

Then I went back to the rover and tied off the cord to the roof-rack bar on the high side. Now I had a long, taut line running perpendicular to the rover.

 

I walked to the middle of the cord and pulled it laterally. The leverage advantage on the rover was huge. I only hoped it wouldn't break the drill bit before it tipped the rover.

 

I backed away, pulling the line more and more. Something had to give, and it wasn't going to be me. I had Archimedes on my side. The rover finally tipped.

 

It fell on to its wheels, kicking up a large cloud of soft dust. It was a silent affair. I was far enough away that the thin atmosphere had no hope of carrying the sound to me.

 

I untied the power line, liberated the drill bit, and returned to the rover. I gave it a full system's check. That's a boring-as-hell task but I had to do it. Every system and subsystem was working correctly.

 

JPL did a damn good job making these rovers. If I get back to Earth, I'm buying Bruce Ng a beer. Though I guess I should buy all the JPL guys a beer.

 

Beers for fucking everyone if I get back to Earth.

 

Anyway, with the rover back on its wheels it was time to work on the trailer. Problem is, I'm in a crater.

 

I had gotten most of the way down the Ramp when I rolled the rover. And the Ramp is up against the western edge of the crater. So the sun sets really early from my point of view. I'm in the shadow of the western wall. And that royally sucks.

 

Mars is not Earth. It doesn't have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It's damn-near a vacuum here. Once the sun isn't visible, I'm in the dark. Phobos gives me some moonlight, but not enough to work with. Deimos is a little piece of shit that's no good to anyone.

 

Long story short: I ran out of daylight. I hate to leave the trailer sitting on its balloon for another night, but there's not much else I can do. I figure it's survived a whole day like that. It's probably stable for now.

 

And hey, with the rover righted, I get to use the bedroom again! It's the simple things in life that matter.

 

 

 

 

 

LOG ENTRY: SOL 500

 

 

 

When I woke up this morning, the trailer hadn't popped yet. So that was a good start.

 

The trailer was a bigger challenge than the rover. I only had to tip the rover. I'd need to completely flip the trailer. That requires lot more force than yesterday's little leverage trick.

 

The first step was to drive the rover to near the trailer. Then came the digging.

 

Oh god the digging.

 

The trailer was upside down with its nose pointed downhill. I decided the best way to right it was to take advantage of the slope and roll the trailer over its nose. Basically to make it do a somersault to land on its wheels.

 

I can make this happen by tying off the cable to the rear of the trailer and towing with the rover. But if I tried that without digging a hole first, the trailer would just slide along the ground. I needed it to tip up. I needed a hole for the nose to fall in to.

 

So I dug a hole. A hole one by three meters, and one meter deep. It took me four miserable hours of hard labor, but I got it done.

 

I hopped in the rover and drove it downhill, dragging the trailer with me. As I'd hoped, the trailer nosed in to the hole and tipped up. From there, it fell on to its wheels with a huge plume of dust.

 

Then I sat for a moment, dumbstruck that my plan actually worked.

 

And now I'm out of daylight again. I can't wait to get out of this fucking shadow. All I need is one day of driving toward the MAV and I'll be away from the wall. But for now, it's another early night.

 

I'll spend tonight without the trailer to manage my life support. It may be righted, but I have no idea if the shit inside still works. The rover still has ample supplies for me.

 

I'll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

 

 

 

 

 

LOG ENTRY: SOL 501

 

 

 

I started the day with some Nothin' Tea. Nothin' Tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin'. I experimented with Potato Skin Tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.

 

I ventured in to the trailer today. Not an easy task. It's pretty cramped in there; I had to leave my EVA suit in the airlock.

 

The first thing I noticed was that it was really hot in there. It took me a few minutes to work out why.

 

The Atmospheric Regulator was still in perfect working order, but it had nothing to do. Without being connected to the rover, it no longer had my CO2 production to deal with. The atmosphere in the trailer was perfect, why change anything?

 

With no regulation necessary, the air was not being pumped out to the AREC for freeze-separation. And thus it wasn't coming back in as a liquid in need of heating.

 

But remember, the RTG gives off heat all the time. You can't stop it. So the heat just built up. Eventually, things reached a balance point where the heat bled through the hull as fast as the RTG could add it. If you're curious, that balance point was a sweltering 41C.

 

I did a full diagnostic on the Regulator and Oxygenator and I'm happy to report both are working perfectly.

 

The RTG's water tank was empty, which is no surprise. It was an open top, not intended to be turned upside down. The floor of the trailer has a lot of puddled water that took me quite a while to sop up with my jumpsuit. I topped the tank off with some more water from a sealed container that I'd stored in the trailer earlier. Remember, I need that water to have something for the returning air to bubble through. That's my heating system.

 

But all things considered, it was good news. The critical components are working fine, and both vehicles are back on their tires.

 

The hoses that connected the rover and trailer were designed well, and released without breaking. I simply snapped them back in to place and the vehicles were sharing life support again.

 

The one remaining thing to fix was the tow hook. It was absolutely ruined. It took the full force of the crash. As I suspected, the trailer's tow hook was unscathed. So I transferred it to the rover and reconnected the two vehicles for travel.

 

All told, that little fender-bender cost me 4 sols. But now I'm back in action!

 

Sort of.

 

What if I run in to another powder pit? I got lucky this time. Next time I might not get off so easy. I think this was sort of a freak accident. The problem was that one wheel was on solid ground while the other was on soft powder.

 

I need a way to know if the ground in front of me is safe. At least for the duration of my time on The Ramp. Once I'm in the Schiaparelli Basin proper, I can count on the normal sandy terrain I'm used to.

 

If I could have anything, it would be a radio to ask NASA the safe path down the Ramp. Well, if I could have anything, it would be for the green-skinned yet beautiful Queen of Mars to rescue me so she can learn more about this Earth thing called “lovemaking”.

 

It's been a long time since I've seen a woman. Just sayin'.

 

Anyway, to ensure I don't crash again, I'll-- Seriously... no women in like, years. I don't ask for much. And believe me, a Botanist / Mechanical Engineer doesn't exactly have ladies lined up at the door. But still, c'mon.

 

Anyway. I'll dri

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