“You said we were in the middle of your list,” I said.
“It was a short list,” Rybicki said to me. “And there’s a steep drop-off after you two.” He turned back to Jane. “Look, Sagan, I can see this is a tough sell for you. I’ll make you a deal. This is going to be a seed colony. That means that the first wave gets in and spends two or three years preparing the place for the next wave. After the second wave comes in, things will probably be settled enough that if you want, you and Perry and your daughter can come back here. The DoC can make sure your house and jobs will be waiting for you. Hell, we’ll even send someone to get in your crop.”
“Don’t patronize me, General,” Jane said.
“I’m not,” Rybicki said. “The offer is genuine, Sagan. Your life here, every part of it, will be waiting for you. You won’t lose any of it. But I need the two of you now. The DoC will make it worth your while. You’ll get this life back. And you’ll be making sure Roanoke colony survives. Think about it. Just decide soon.”
I woke up and Jane wasn’t beside me; I found her standing in the road in front of our house, staring up at the stars.
“You’re going to get hit, standing in the road like that,” I said, coming up behind her, and placing my hands on her shoulders.
“There’s nothing to get hit by,” Jane said, taking my left hand in hers. “There’s hardly anything to get hit by during the day. Look at them,” she pointed to the stars with her right hand, and began tracing out constellations. “Look. The crane. The lotus. The pearl.”
“I have a hard time with the Huckleberry constellations,” I said. “I keep looking for the ones I was born with. I look up and some part of me still expects to see the Big Dipper or Orion.”
“I never looked at stars before we came here,” Jane said. “I mean, I saw them, but they didn’t mean anything to me. They were just stars. Then we came here and I spent all that time learning these constellations.”
“I remember,” I said. And I did remember; Vikram Banerje, who had been an astronomer back on Earth, had been a frequent visitor to our house in our first years in New Goa, patiently tracing out the patterns in the sky for Jane. He died not too long after he finally taught her all the Huckleberry constellations.
“I didn’t see them at first,” Jane said.
“The constellations?” I asked.
Jane nodded. “Vikram would point them out to me, and I’d just see a clump of stars,” she said. “He’d show me a map and I’d see how the stars were supposed to connect together, and then I’d look up at the sky and just see . . . stars. And it was like that for a long time. And then one night, I remember walking home from work and looking up and saying to myself ‘there’s the crane,’ and seeing it. Seeing the crane. Seeing the constellations. That’s when I knew this place was my home. That’s when I knew I had come here to stay. That this place was my place.”
I slid my arms down Jane’s body and held her around the waist.
“But this place isn’t your place, is it?” Jane asked.
“My place is where you are,” I said.
“You know what I mean,” Jane said.
“I know what you mean,” I said. “I like it here, Jane. I like the people. I like our life.”
“But,” Jane said.
I shrugged.
Jane felt it. “That’s what I thought,” she said.
“I’m not unhappy,” I said.
“I didn’t say you were,” Jane said. “And I know you’re not unhappy with me or Zo?. If General Rybicki hadn’t shown up, I don’t think you would have noticed that you’re ready to move on.”
I nodded and kissed the back of her head. She was right about that.
“I talked to Zo? about it,” Jane said.
“What did she have to say about it?” I asked.
“She’s like you,” Jane said. “She likes it here, but this isn’t her home. She likes the idea of going to a colony that’s just starting out.”
“It appeals to her sense of adventure,” I said.
“Maybe,” Jane said. “There’s not a lot of adventure here. That’s one thing I like about it.”
“That’s funny coming from a Special Forces soldier,” I said.
“I say it because I am Special Forces,” Jane said. “I had nine years of nonstop adventure. I was born into it and if it wasn’t for you and Zo? I would have died in it, and not had anything else. Adventure is overrated.”
“But you’re thinking of having some more anyway,” I said.
“Because you are,” Jane said.
“We haven’t decided anything,” I said. “We could say no. This is your place.”
“ ‘My place is where you are,’ ” Jane said, echoing me. “This is my place. But maybe somewhere else could be, too. I’ve only had this one place. Maybe I’m just frightened of leaving it.”
“I don’t think you’re frightened by much,” I said.
“I’m frightened by different things than you are,” Jane said. “You don’t notice because sometimes you’re not too observant.”