I was struck dumb with these reflections, as one astonished, and had not a word to say. Rising up pensive, I walked back to my retreat and went over my wall, as if I had been going to bed. But my thoughts were many, and I had no inclination to sleep. So I sat down in the chair and lighted my lamp, for it began to be dark.
Now, as the apprehension of the return of my distemper and the dreams it brought terrified me very much, it occurred to my thought that the Brasilians took no physic but their tobacco for almost all distempers. I had a piece of a roll of tobacco in one of the chests, which was quite cured, and some also that was green and not quite cured.
I went directed by Heaven no doubt, for in this chest I found a cure both for soul and body. I opened the chest and found what I looked for, viz. the tobacco. As the few books I had saved lay there too, I took out one of the Bibles which I mentioned before and which to this time I had not found leisure, or so much as inclination, to look into. I took it out and brought both that and the tobacco with me to the table.
What use to make of the tobacco I knew not, as to my distemper, nor whether it was good for it or not. I try’d several experiments with it, as if I was resolv’d it should hit one way or other.
In the interval of this operation I took up the Bible and began to read, but my head was too much disturbed with the tobacco to bear reading, at least at that time. Having opened the book, the first words that occurred to me were these:
Call on me in the day of trouble, and I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.
These words were very apt to my case and made some impression upon my thoughts at the time of reading them, tho’ not so much as they did afterwards. It now grew late and the tobacco had dozed my head so much I inclined to sleep. So I left my lamp burning in the cave, lest I should want any thing in the night, and went to bed.
I fell into a sound sleep and waked no more till, by the sun, it must necessarily be near three o'clock in the afternoon the next day. Nay, to this hour I am partly of opinion I slept all the next day and night and till almost three the day after. Otherwise, I know not how I should lose a day out of my reckoning in the days of the week, as it appeared some years after I had done. If I had lost it by crossing and re-crossing the Line, I should have lost more than one day, but certainly I lost a day or more in my account and never knew which way.
Be that, however, one way or the other, when I awaked I found myself refreshed, and my spirits lively and cheerful. When I got up, I was stronger than I was the day before, and my stomach better, for I was hungry. In short, I had no fit the next day, but continued much altered for the better. This was the 29th.
The 30th was my well day, of course. I went abroad with my gun, but did not care to travel too far. I killed a sea-fowl or two, something like a brand goose, and brought them home, but was not very forward to eat them. I ate some more of the turtle's eggs, which were very good. However, I was not so well the next day, which was the 1st of July, as I hoped I should have been. I had a little of the cold fit, but it was not much.
July 2.
I renewed the tobacco medicine in many ways. Dosed myself with it as at first, and doubled the quantity which I drank steeped in rum.
July 3.
I miss’d the fit for good and all, tho’ I did not recover my full strength for some weeks after. While I was thus gathering strength, my thoughts ran upon this scripture, I will deliver thee. As I was discouraging myself with such thoughts, it occurred to my mind that I pored so much upon my deliverance from the main affliction, I disregarded the deliverance I had receiv’d. It was then that my soul did see the light even as my eyes saw the truth of this place. This island was not to be my banishment, but my refuge, for here the beast could run free and harm no other man. Here I could meditate on the crime for which I could not be punish'd in society without bringing shame and danger to my family. Here on this island, through the grace of God, the beast and I could be free. This touched my heart very much, and immediately I gave God thanks aloud.
July 4.
In the morning I took the Bible and, beginning at the New Testament, I began to read it and imposed upon myself to read awhile every morning and every night, as long as my thoughts should engage me. It was not long after I set seriously to this work that I found my heart more deeply and sincerely affected with the wickedness of my past life.
Now I began to construe the words mentioned above, Call on me, and I will deliver thee, in a different sense from what I had ever done before. Then I had no notion of any thing being called deliverance, but my being delivered from the captivity I first saw myself in. But now I learned to take it in another sense. Now I looked back upon my past life and my sins appeared so dreadful, my soul sought nothing of God but deliverance from the load of guilt that bore down all my comfort.