Ruin

Thirteen

My stomach hurts from the moment I wake up. It's my last day at Brandon's.

“I'm sure he'll be by after dinner,” Brandon says.

“Henri or...” The words trail off. I can't say them, but the thought is there. Brandon knows who I mean. He shrugs and gives me only a tiny bit of food. I probably look as sick as I feel.

“I'll take you if I have to.”

I thank him, but I have a feeling that he won't have a choice. Not if Jimmy is involved.

The day passes in a blur. Henri isn't just the leader here, which is more than enough, but he's also a revered figure of the Revolution and the one credited with building the Southlands which isn't much more than an army in training. It makes sense why even the Neutrals fear him.



At dinner, I can't focus. My stomach is practically vibrating with unease. Brandon tries to encourage me to eat something, but it's too much of a risk for me to take. I keep a hand on my stomach and hold still, trying to fight the pain and the creeping feeling of doom.

Brandon doesn't bother forcing me to eat. He stands up from his chair with controlled precision. "All right. I'll take you.”

I stand up too quickly, awkwardly, not at all as carefully controlled as he stood, and I have to put a hand on the table. My duffel bag sits close by, and I regain my balance, and push off the table to step over and grab it, but just before my hand has even reached the bag, there's a knock at the door.

I stop in front of the bag, mid-movement, and rise to look at the door. Brandon is closest. He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly as he goes to open the door. Not a word passes his lips before the visitor steps into the apartment, his light, icy eyes falling on me and sending a shiver down my spine that makes me jump.

“Time to go." Jimmy slides his arms together across his chest in a smooth careful movement that makes him look even wider and sturdier.

Brandon doesn't move. "I'm going to take her.”

Jimmy turns slowly towards his brother. He doesn't threaten but it is clear that there is one. “Henri gave me the order."

Brandon shakes his head, his mouth a straight line. “You don't take orders. Not even from Henri. You never have. And Henri would never give you an order anyway."

"He did this time."

My muscles ache just watching the two of them. I'm frozen in place, not sure what to do. Jimmy stands only feet away, his shoulders aimed towards me but his gaze on Brandon as if daring him to interfere.

"I'll go." The words flee from my mouth into the tense quiet between the three of us.

Brandon looks at me with that look of his that speaks of responsibility. He has taken care of me the past week while I've learned how to deal with the hurt and pain of being abandoned by my own people. We've bonded, and I don't want to go, but I couldn't bear to see him hurt. It feels as if this is one of those moments where he could be. Jimmy and Henri don't feel like the sort of people who care about sentimentality. They do what they need to do when it has to be done and expect everyone else around them to do the same.

Brandon starts to say my name, but I cut him off. "I'll go."

"C'mon." Jimmy motions with his hand for me to step between them.

I do it very quickly and without glancing up at either of them. Once I'm out, I stop and wait, expecting Jimmy to lead the way. The door to the apartment shuts quietly behind me. Then his hand with its rough fingers falls onto the back of my neck and gently pushes me forward. I gasp, surprised at his touch, terrified to be under that hand after I've seen what it's capable of. Perhaps this is the night where I just disappear.

I don't dare shake his hand off any more than I dare to look back at him. I swallow roughly and forge ahead into the dimming light.





~Intermission~





Intermission One

"There once were two brothers, and they fought each other viciously."

The boy looked up at Mary with his wide blue eyes and his lips pressed tightly together. Other than his small hand picking at the rough hem of his pants, he sat very still.

She cleared her throat and continued. "It was such vicious fighting that people became involved. They had to take one side or the other. There was no neutral side. But the more people that became involved, the more vicious the fighting became. And it didn't help that each brother had powers."

Mary shoved her hair behind her ear, running her fingers over the short strands to encourage them to stay. Most children interrupted at this point in the story. What child didn't want to know what powers the brothers had? But this boy didn't speak. He sat and patiently waited for her to continue, and Mary struggled to remember how to tell the rest of the story without the interruptions.

"No one knows what powers they had, of course, but they were powerful. The fighting between the people grew worse. The brothers started to take out the other's opposing forces until there was nothing and no one left. They destroyed the world and everything on it."

She paused again, leaning back on her hands in the grass. The boy looked at her as if he knew he'd be expected to ask something. His blue eyes looked from her to the ground and back up to her again. The dark lashes emphasized the careful movements as he turned over his thoughts. She was sure he'd ask it. Most children did if they made it past the part with the powers and didn't head off to round up other children to play the game.

"Then how're we here?"

Mary smiled. It was the perfect set up. That was exactly the question she asked her father.

"That is because they missed a spot." She watched the boy, but no smile broke out on his face. He didn't even argue with her or demand to know more the way she had when her father had told her the same story. He just stared off into the distance as if expecting his mother to return.

Mary wanted to keep him distracted. She hoped she could at least form enough of a bond with him that he'd tell her more about himself. Was there someone she needed to contact or get a hold of? Something was seriously wrong. It was all over the boy's face. But he wasn't talking about it and no one else was offering her any answers. "They're still out there you know."

The boy looked up at her then with eyes that looked less dull, but still couldn't be called bright. "Who?"

"The two brothers. They're still out there under the ground. You know how sometimes the ground shakes? That's them, turning over in their sleep."

His lips parted as he looked up at her. She had him. They still had a way to go, but he was at least present for the first time since his mother had taken her leave.

It had been the saddest goodbye she'd seen in a long time. The woman had walked him to the care center, spoken a few words to him, and then turned around to walk away. But the boy had tried to follow her. The woman wheeled on him with her eyes narrowed and her finger pointed at his chest. Whatever words had been spoken weren't overheard, but the desperate look to her face was clear. The boy stayed still after that and she walked away.

Mary glanced to the others working the care center with her. She was the only one stuck on the care center grounds. All the rest who came to help were the pets of tribe members so they had to have seen him before, but no one would even look up at him. The one nearest her shook her head to discourage Mary from walking up to him. It boggled her mind. He was a child in need and no one wanted to help him.

It took her a moment before she realized the boy was actually looking past her. He stood up as he said, "My brother's here."

She stood up too and turned to see a boy coming towards them from the other side of the care center, his eyes locked on the young boy. He was tall and skinny, but hardly older than Mary. The other care takers on the playground watched him nervously, and Mary felt her stomach burble.

There was something in his movements and the way he watched her. She couldn't place her finger on it exactly, but she could see what made people nervous. His eyes were gray, almost lacking in color compared to the younger boy's eyes. They didn't quite match his warm complexion. They were cold while the rest of him suggested warmth.

The younger boy stepped forward, in front of Mary, as the older boy walked up.

"Where is she?" The older one sounded angrier than the younger one. Mary took a step back. The movement caught his attention and he looked up at her with his eyes freezing her in place.

"I dunno." The younger boy said. He stood firm in front of Mary and she found herself thankful to have his small body between her and the other boy. "She didn't say."

The older boy was still looking at Mary. He had just come from training. Sweat stuck to him and there were fresh bruises on his arms. It was clear he was a tribal, and a tribal close to her age was dangerous. They had the most to prove and lacked responsibility. If they carted her off, the worst they would get would be a stern talking to about being responsible and how difficult it would be to find a human who belonged to no one and could be trusted with the children overnight.

His eyes narrowed on her. "Who're you?"

"Mary."

"Whose pet are you?"

The assumption was insulting. She was no one's pet. "I live here." Mary crossed her arms and stood up straight before him.

The older boy watched her trying to stand bravely in front of him. The suspicion etched into his eyes melted away. The younger boy between them seemed to relax.

"This is Brandon," the older boy said just as the younger one, Brandon turned around to look at her. "I'm Jimmy. Thanks for watching him."





Intermission Two

In the fresh morning air, still moist with slowly drying dew, Jimmy stood leaning against one of the blossoming trees without a shirt on.

Mary tried to keep her eyes on the children in front of her. Lacking a shirt wasn't unusual, especially for those who were training. They said it was because it got in the way, but Mary had a feeling that it was also just because of the pride they took in their back tattoos. Rank was shown in those tattoos.

She caught herself looking again. Jimmy made people nervous when he hung around the care center. No one would tell her why they were nervous or what there was to fear. Mary had the most contact with Jimmy and Brandon and she'd never noticed anything fear worthy in the few months she'd known them.

Except that look in Jimmy's eyes. He glanced at her and she looked away quickly towards the children. There wasn't one word she could use to describe them. Some of her books mentioned the "cold eyes" of certain characters and that was close, but it suggested a lack of emotions, and that wasn't the case.

Mary patted at the large lump in her pocket of the old apron covering her dress. His visits during break were generally erratic, but she'd had a feeling she'd see him. It was just something in her stomach-- a gut feeling. And as a last thought that morning, as she was heading out to greet some of the kids, she'd shoved an apple into her apron.

She glanced at him again. He was still there, but his eyes were already on her as if he were reading her thoughts and seeing right through her.

Brandon was off playing with some of the other children. He had stopped briefly to chat with Jimmy before going back with a glance and a smile at Mary. If he knew what she intended to do, he hadn't said a word. At least not to her. The boy could pick up thoughts so he had to know. He'd told her he couldn't control it. Thoughts found their way past his defenses.

She turned and walked up the hill towards the tree Jimmy stood under. One of her hands dug into her pocket to grip the apple, the other tugged on her apron to pull the two apart. There were eyes on her from the others. But the children were all in good hands. Under Jimmy's glare, none of the kids would do much misbehaving anyway. It was almost comical how well behaved they were when he was around.

Mary held the apple out to him with one hand, her arm stretched out as if standing too near him might burn her. He reached out for it without thinking. It was automatic. His hand slowed as he reached the apple, and her eyes focused on the gray of his. No, cold was definitely not the right word for them. Maybe at first glance without knowing, but standing near she could see something there.

She pulled her hand away once he had it, his fingers brushing on hers. "I never see you eat."

He seemed dumbfounded. She smiled at him and even heard a nervous chuckle come from the back of her throat. Mary shoved her hands into her pockets to stop the shaking.

"Thanks." His eyes were so clear in the bright sunlight. It was like the way the morning sun shone on the dew hanging from the plants and the playground.

Jimmy held the apple in both hands, looking at it to find his first bite. She stood next to him. Some of the caretakers watched them from afar. A pair of very blue eyes caught hers, but she glanced away at the first snap from the apple. Jimmy was actually eating it. Not in large bites, but small bites that were almost polite.

"You make them nervous, you know." She said it quietly and didn't add that he made her nervous as well.

The corners of his mouth turned up. "I know."

She could only hope he wasn't a mind reader. The subtle hint of a smile from him nearly tugged her heart out through her mouth. It was a strange sensation for her that wasn't entirely unpleasant though she knew it was stupid. But it was not something she could ignore.

At the void created by her silence, he turned and grinned at her, his eyes narrowing even as they sparkled in the bits of sunlight that made its way through the tree. Could he read her mind? The panic edged up into her throat at the thought. The truth was probably worse; he could just read it in her face.

"Why do you come here?" The words blurted out without her meaning them to, but her brain and her body seemed to be on different planes, fighting completely different wars. It was too late to take them back. She cringed while trying to not cringe, but she couldn't look away from him.

He turned towards her, one arm still on the trunk of the tree. "Just keeping an eye on my brother."

He bore the heavy weight of responsibility to raise and protect his brother when other kids his age were out enjoying their rank and power. Mary nodded. "I watch out for him. He's fine."

He stood taller than her even leaning. They stood close, side by side against the tree. Her heart beat too hard. She was unsteady on her feet. If he hadn't been able to tell just from her face, he'd be able to tell from the way she shook as she stood next to him.

A look in Jimmy's eye caught her attention again. The smile disappeared, and the clarity to his eyes increased. "You do realize why they're scared of me?"

Mary couldn't outright lie. She shook her head. No one had explained to her why they were so scared of him. Their fear alone felt as if it should have been enough of a deterrent to stop her from looking at him the way she was looking at him.

"Then are you normally this stupid?"

She swallowed before speaking in a shaky voice. "Not normally, no."

There was a silence filled by more than one of her heartbeats, and then it broke with a quick burst of surprised laughter from him. He turned his smile on her and it completely changed his face. He not only looked their age, but he was so handsome that she knew exactly why she was being stupid.

"I'll explain it to you some time." He pushed off from the tree and stood up to his full height. He was tall, but lanky. Muscular, but wiry. "Thanks for the apple."

He turned to walk away from her, and she got the first full view she'd had of his tattoo since he'd started bringing Brandon to the center. It was large, more detailed than the tattoos of the others their age. It covered a large part of his back, the designs around the tattoo just the beginning. He was high in rank for someone so young. Normally, at their age, they only had the start, a skull or a little bit of design around the skull. It was why they were the ones always looking for the way to appear stronger and crueler than the others.

But Jimmy had already proven himself enough to be marked permanently. That had to be why he scared the others.





Intermission Three

She should have known better.

It was late at night and she was still groggy from re-reading one of her books by candle light when she heard the knock at the door. That in itself wasn't strange. Parents came at all hours during the night to drop off their children into her care. Normally she hopped up quickly and opened the door, already familiar with the knock.

But this knock was new. If she'd stopped to think about it, really stopped and not just slowed down, she would have called out instead of opening the door. Not that her door was much protection from anyone who really wanted in. Still, it was better than nothing.

So when she opened the door, she was unprepared for the face peering back at her with his keen eyes. It was a boy who was probably a year or two older than her. Right away he gave her a bad feeling. He clearly had no child to drop off, so he could only be there for some other reason.

"I'm Aaron," he said as he took a step inside making her step back. He shut the door behind himself softly as he added, "You must be Mary."

She stood still in front of him, watching his movements. There was something about him that suggested danger. Perhaps she'd just been hanging out with Jimmy too much under that large tree.

This boy looked normal, and he hadn't made any threatening moves towards her. Still, he knew her name. His name was completely unfamiliar to her. She had learned to listen for names since her first stupid chance taken with Jimmy. No one by the name of Aaron had ever come up.

Mary would give no more ground. Everything was a game to them.

He didn't press forward. He stared straight at her books lined up on top of her dresser. "You do have a lot of books."

She didn't dare turn away from him, not even to look at the nearby books. He spoke as if someone had told him about her, but he hadn't believed it. It wasn't a secret that she loved books. The one who watched over the care center knew. Brandon knew. Jimmy knew.

Mary kept her eyes on Aaron just as he turned back to her leaving little space between them. She could smell him he was so close. It wasn't the same heavy musky scent that hung on Jimmy when he visited on his breaks during training. It was softer, lighter, but still a masculine smell that made her uneasy. "Brandon says you're teaching him how to read."

She had to remind herself that she wouldn't move back. "You know Brandon."

He crossed his arms across his chest. "And Jimmy. They're like my brothers."

That didn't comfort her. He still unnerved her. For once she had an inkling of what it must be like for everyone else around Jimmy.

"What do you want?" Mary's entire body tensed so that she nearly trembled.

"To see what the big deal is." He looked down at her, his face impossible for her to read. It was an unfair advantage when her discomfort written was all over her face. "I don't see it. You're just a human. Brandon, though, he seems to have bonded, and if I didn't know better, I'd think he was screwing with Jimmy's thoughts too."

She held her mouth closed. She wasn't supposed to know about Brandon's power. He had confided it to her because of all the time they spent together. She was even aware of how close Brandon bonded when exposed to someone's thoughts over a long period of time.

But his power had no effect on others. It was only one way. And even if it did affect others, Jimmy was a special case. Brandon couldn't even read his thoughts. These were things she didn't bother to say out loud to Aaron.

"You should go. One of the parents is due to come tonight and drop a child off."

He smiled and took another step closer to her, one hand on the wall. "You're cute when you lie."

She resisted the urge to shove him away from her. There was nowhere to run. He stood in front of the only door and behind her there was only her bed.

Mary allowed herself to take a step back. "What're you going to do to me? Are you going to kill me?" The anger bubbled in her voice making it tremble ever so slightly. If he mistook it for fear, it would piss her off more. "This is a safe place," she added for good measure to let him know she wasn't scared. "You can't do that."

He grinned then. "There are things I could do that wouldn't kill you. They wouldn't even leave a mark where anyone could see. But Brandon would know."

Her safety was in the mind reading ability of a boy barely even a decade old. Mary bit at the inside of her lip until she tasted blood. She didn't even feel the wound.

He opened the door and stood to the side. "Let's go outside."

She didn't really have a choice.



"You like him, don't you?"

They sat on the grass by the playground. The air was warm and the ground was still dry. It was late, but not that late yet. Mary found herself distracted by the star filled sky overhead.

"Don't most girls?" She replied tensely.

"Most think he's cute. There's a difference."

Mary fidgeted, poking at the grass at her feet. She hadn't bothered to think about it and she was sure that Jimmy hadn't either. It was best that way. Maybe she was only a pest to him, but he was the one who kept coming around. There was nowhere else she could go. He had no real excuse.

The shuffling sound of soft grass under heavy feet made her look up to see two young tribals walking towards them. Most likely they'd been on their way to the abandoned lot next door where the fire pits sat and most their age gathered.

Mary froze again. She was supposed to be safe on the grounds. But it was the middle of the night and the only one outside with her was no friend of hers even if he was supposedly a friend of Brandon and Jimmy. It had been his suggestion to come outside. Perhaps he'd planned it so that when she disappeared at the hands of the two a*sholes before them, he could feign complete ignorance. If Jimmy cared enough to do something about it, he'd have his targets and probably would never suspect the hand his friend had in it.

Mary glared at Aaron, but he kept his eyes on the others with a sharp smile.

"Hey, it's that girl." The larger one in front smiled down at her. "Wanna go to the fire pit with us? It's just right there." He nodded towards the abandoned lot. "We'll bring you back."

He gave her the creeps as much as Aaron. She knew if she stepped off the grounds they had her. They might even drag her off to have their fun. How could she really stop them when they outnumbered her?

Aaron's hand brushed against the small of her back. "We're busy."

The others didn't take it as a cue to leave. They clearly had no idea who Aaron was either. She glanced at him, her eyes opening wide enough to sting. He didn't take his eyes off of the boys in front of them.

Aaron stood up to face them and that broke the ice around her muscles. Mary hopped up and took a step behind Aaron, then let out a gasp. In the moonlight she could see the dark tattoo on his back peeking out from his tank top. Full rank, when Aaron couldn't have been older than eighteen or nineteen. It was a bad sign, and it made it worse that the young tribals before them didn't recognize him. A young man of his rank should have been revered and feared by the others close to his age the way Jimmy was.

The boys across from him had no idea and he didn't seem intent on showing them. Mary spoke quickly. "He has the full tattoo."

That made the other two stop. They had been ready to crouch into their sloppy fighting forms. Aaron was already waiting to spring forward, steady and well-practiced. It was the one in the lead who ended things quietly.

"Next time," he said with a nod at Mary before they continued on their way.

Aaron turned to Mary and her stomach burbled. She faced him with her hands balled into tight fists. "You're a Ghost."

The moonlight cast a shadow from a nearby tree across Aaron's face, covering him in patches of darkness and light. He didn't grin at her. There was no expression. His eyes were exactly what she expected cold eyes to look like. "You know about that?"

The damp, chilly air crept from Mary's exposed neck down to her spine. This man standing before her would extend no mercy. There was no way she could be clever enough or pitiful enough to escape him.

"People talk," she said with a shrug. "They forget I'm there.

Ghosts were a myth whispered about among the tribe members. A rank outside of the normal tribe structure, they were said to be the best or the worst. It was all in his eyes. Though he was young, he had lived more than the others his age.

His eyes narrowed. "We trained together you know. Jimmy's not much different from me."

Mary swallowed. Was he warning her? Was Jimmy a Ghost too? "There's a difference between you and him." Aaron's eyes were bright even in the moonlight, yet they lacked something. "I think you like hurting people."

"Do you think Jimmy doesn't?"

She couldn't say anything to that. They only spent an hour at a time together hanging out under the tree every few days. What did she really know?

Aaron gave a small chuckle. "F*cking humans." He gave a shove to her shoulder that turned her around, and then another shove to start her stepping forward towards her bunker. "When you remember this tomorrow, remember how I didn't touch you. Brandon's already going to be mad enough, I don't need Jimmy pissed too."





Intermission Four

There was a soft knock at her bedroom door late in the evening. It had been months since that Ghost had visited her in the middle of the night, and his knock had sounded nothing like this one. Still she was cautious.

The knock was almost polite. As if the person on the other side of the door hadn't wanted to disturb her. Still, she picked up the stick she'd sharpened with one of the kitchen knives and stepped over to the door. A knock so soft couldn't have come from any parent. They were always in a rush to drop off their children and get onto whatever duties they were assigned.

Mary stood in front of the door. Someone was still outside. His boots scraped at the stone floor as he turned.

She opened the door with the stick in her right hand held behind her leg. He was nothing more than a shadow in her doorway. The candle at her back cast no light past her body unless she opened the door further. When he turned, some small amount of light lit his face and she gasped when she recognized him.

Jimmy glanced down at her right hand though the stick was still hidden behind her back. “What're you going to do with that?”

She opened the door and dropped the stick in the corner of the small room with the sharpened side down. “Nothing. You're here for Brandon.” She felt foolish immediately. Of course, he was here for Brandon. In her fright, she'd forgotten that Brandon was only the next room over.

“Yeah. Is he asleep? I don't want to wake him.” Jimmy ran a hand through his hair. The large dark circles under his eyes contrasted sharply with his pale skin.

Mary gave a small nod. She'd feel bad if he came all this way for no reason, but she'd hate to wake Brandon up in the middle of the night to walk through the cold back to their apartment. “You look tired. You should rest.”

Jimmy gave her a halfhearted smile. “Your couch does look good.”

He turned his head to look into the darkness towards the old couches and she caught her breath. Each time she saw him, he seemed older and more grown up. It wasn't just growing taller. His shoulders were broadening, arms thickening. His short sleeve T-shirts exposed thin muscles pressed against skin covered with golden brown hairs.

Jimmy turned back to her with his gray eyes catching the light, his lips closed and the corners half turned up. When he smiled, any smile at all, she could feel her heart pulling towards him, tugging her along with it.

He gave some small affirmative as he turned to head for her couch. She reached out and grabbed his arm. Both of them stood still as if waiting to see what would happen next.

Mary gave his arm a tug and pulled him into her room, her heart beating hard in her chest as she gave ground to let him in. As he stepped into the room, he shut the door softly. It put him in the center of her small room, at the foot of her bed.

He didn't have to be here. Others his age were out enjoying themselves at this very moment. Jimmy could have left Brandon with her through the night. He could have done anything he wanted with anyone he wanted.

Mary looked up at Jimmy, and she just knew that he wouldn't stop her. She lifted her lips to his and just as she had thought, he didn't. Her eyes didn't close. Not all the way. Not until he brought his hand up to her face and placed his thumb gently against her cheek. Against his hand, she felt steady though her entire body trembled.

When he pulled away, the distance between them reappeared. He had always been so good at keeping his distance from her. She was the one who kept reaching across the gap and grabbing hold of him so that he had to pull her along or let her fall. But when faced with her directly, she knew he had no choice.

In the light of the candle, his eyes looked warm. A fire inside her gut spurred her on. She pulled him close by wrapping her arms over his shoulders as his hands slid around her waist. He pushed her towards the bed, and she pulled him after her, the edge of the mattress pressing at the back of her leg. She was tired of her half lived life.

Mary sat on the bed, pushing herself back to allow him to follow. He hesitated a moment before he removed his shoes and climbed onto the bed after her. She knew he had experience. There was the little girl with the soft, brown hair that looked as if it had been plucked right off Jimmy's head. Her mother had brought her to the care center a few times before she noticed Jimmy and Mary standing under neither their tree together. She'd scowled at them and never come back. Jimmy hadn't said a word about it. Not to explain or apologize. He owed Mary nothing. She didn't ask for it either.

His jeans pressed roughly against the thin, worn fabric of her old shorts. Her hand slipped between them to unbutton his jeans, but she fumbled with it and he had to place his hand over hers, his fingers working their way between hers to get to the buttons and the zipper. With one hand, he slid her shorts down to her knees so she could kick them off, leaving them crumpled at the bottom of the bed as she rolled over and spread her legs to allow him between.

There was no thought involved. She trusted him. He didn't even have to ask. She offered herself, pulling him close, gasping when she felt him pressing against her with more than just his weight. He was pulling her towards him, holding her steady with his hands as he did it. She gave a small cry at the sharp pain from him forcing himself in and he stopped.

“No, don't stop.” Her voice was low, carried on a breath through the pain.

Jimmy kissed her again and continued, pressing into her again. The pain traveled up her abdomen. She stayed still, not even able to kiss him back, her eyes shut tightly. The muscles in her thigh shook slightly as she clamped down to keep them open. She dug her toes into the mattress as she fought to not cry. Mary wanted to be someone else. Anyone else other than the person she was. She'd go with Jimmy if he asked her. She'd give up the illusion of freedom from being completely unclaimed.

Jimmy's kisses softly touched her cheeks and the sides of her mouth. It took her a moment before she realized the pain that was left was only the remnants from earlier. Jimmy had stopped. He lay over her now kissing her even as she still ached.

“Did it-- did you--”

He shook his head and lay down next to her. “No.” Just as she was ready to ask, he wrapped his arms around her. “I didn't realize that it'd hurt you so much.”

Silence. He brought a blanket up to cover her as she stared at him. When he caught her eyes she almost burst out laughing. She had to cover her mouth and still a surprised chuckle found its way around her fingers.

“What?” He looked almost hurt.

“You go to training all day every day.” She glanced at his hands, rough and calloused; they were often bruised and cut. “You fight all the time.”

His face softened and he looked towards the ceiling before turning back to her with the full charm of the self-assured boy she'd thought would have bedded countless virgins and be used to causing them a little pain to get what he wanted.

“That's different.” He brushed strands of her hair from her face and her eyes welled up. No one did that in real life. Just in books and fairy tales.

She pressed herself into his arms, her face against his chest as she closed her eyes again. No one had been so tender with her. Not in so long. People hardly even looked at her any more.

“I lost my parents.” It was stupid to say. Of course she had lost her parents. He probably had too. She blinked back the tears. “I mean, we were kidnapped. Taken from one of the villages by a group of experiments when we were out in the fields. And my parents, well my mom mostly, she distracted them so that I could get away. My father told me to go. He pushed me away and I ran off and left them there.”

Jimmy stayed silent as Mary swallowed her tears. She hadn't said it out loud before. Not to anyone. He ran one of his hands up and down her arm to comfort, but the calluses against her skin only scratched. When she had blinked the tears out of her eyes, she looked up at him. He wasn't looking at her, but over her at the wall behind her with his brows drawn down.

She wiped the corner of her eye with one of her fingers. “I'm sorry.” It was her problem, not his. She hadn't meant to dump her problems onto him and wasn't quite sure what had possessed her to do so.

His hand stopped moving up and down her arm. He gripped her arm tightly as his muscles tensed. “I killed my father. And our mother ran away from me.”

They were close. He looked over her head as if he couldn't meet her eyes but he kept his hand on her arm. Heat rose from his body into the spaces between them. The words were said without guilt, but it was clear he accepted the blame.

Jimmy remained tense. The differences between the two of them were so obvious that it hid their one similarity. He had no more choice than she did. The path his life would take had been determined since Brandon and Jimmy set foot on the care center grounds. What freedom he had was just as much an illusion as her own.

She couldn't speak. In that moment of realization, the only thing she could do was to move closer to him, deeper into his arms.





Intermission Five

Mary stood between Jimmy and Brandon staring at the large expanse of water that went as far as the eye could see. Faced with the vastness of never ending water and the edge of the land, she couldn't help but feel small and insignificant.

Brandon caught her thoughts. "It's the Edge of the World. Like in the stories." He smiled up at her. In the years that had passed, he'd grown so much that he now stood at her shoulder. In his own way, he was heading on the path to adulthood. There would be no more care centers for him. His training would start, and instead of being dropped off with Mary, he would take his place with the ranks of the other children his age learning the way of the tribe.

Mary slipped her hand into Jimmy's hand as she smiled at Brandon. "Thank you for showing me this, you guys." This was something she never would have been able to see on her own. If it hadn't been for Jimmy's invitation, she would be at the care center at this moment, fooled into believing that the world was nothing more than what she could see with her eye.

Jimmy squeezed her fingers. She could feel her eyes moistening at the small and tender gesture, and so she looked back towards the water letting the strong breeze dry her eyes off. It was almost painful with the amount of salt in the air but it distracted her and drew her attention from Jimmy standing so tall next to her. He had been the one to talk to Shawn, the tribal in charge of the care centers, which had certainly made her curious. She had pried, but not pushed, and ultimately decided that it was impossible to refuse to let her little human go when the nearly second in command requested her.

The strong wind shoved her hair around. Mary had to keep fighting to keep the strands out of her face. It helped if she kept her face turned towards the wind and that meant sometimes turning her face so that it almost rested on Jimmy's shoulder next to her even as they held hands. She resisted slipping into his arms only out of respect for both him and Brandon. Because the move would possibly make both of them uncomfortable even if it was very clear how she felt after so many years. Mary shut her eyes to listen to the water driven on by the wind and running on the land.

For a moment, she became dizzy with the weight of this new idea that her world did have an end and she'd lived near it this whole time.

On the other side of her, Brandon slipped his still small hand into hers so that she held the hands of both brothers on either side of her. "It's not fair that you're stuck there all the time."

Mary shrugged. "I have it better than most." And it was true so far as she was concerned.

Jimmy squeezed her hand again, his low voice cutting through the wind easily to make its way to her ear. "We better head back."

She nodded though it was one of those moments she'd prefer to either not end or end completely differently. If Jimmy would see reason and take her home with him and Brandon, she would go with them. No one would say anything to him. No one would stop him if that was what he wanted. But he hadn't asked and she knew it wasn't proper for her to ask him. It had been discussed once, and the one time, Jimmy had made it clear that it would never happen. It would never work.

As they walked up the hill, Brandon dropped her hand, but Jimmy didn't. The sand gave way under their feet and Jimmy practically pulled her along. When she looked up at him, he met her glance with a smile and a chuckle the wind swallowed up. For all the time they had known each other, a smile from him was still a rare thing, and she absorbed it knowing she would most likely never see it again except possibly in passing when he stopped by to "inspect" the care centers, or when he started stopping by with his own children.

They crawled through the hole in the barrier and made their way carefully through the thorny plants and bushes guarding the fence. Jimmy held her hand until they reached the edge and were back in the open again. Then he gave her fingers another squeeze before he released her, letting the cold air prickle her skin.

As they walked through the village, the sun slowly fell behind the hills surrounding the village. It was just past the large and noisy market that she heard the voice that made her pause.

"Jimmy." It was a smooth voice and deep. On anyone else it might have even been pleasant, but on the man walking towards them with his smile and narrowed eyes, it didn't sit right. Mary stepped back even as Jimmy stepped forward. "Brandon too. And who's this?"

The man tilted his chin at her, his sharp eyes narrowing even as a smile spread across his lips. Something about him unnerved her. He was taller than Jimmy, but skinnier. Tattoos and wiry muscles were exposed on his bare chest. There were many small tattoos that didn't look nearly as dark or as crisp as the tattoos of the Southlands. She caught the sight of one tattoo of a frightening creature with a sharp tail poised over its body as if to strike.

Jimmy's voice was clear and strong. "Killer, what're you doing here?"

Mary shuddered at the sound of the name on Jimmy's lips. The man rested his hand on his belt where a crude sheath fashioned from some sort of animal skin held a large knife.

"Just out looking for supplies." Killer's smile hadn't disappeared and it only seemed to grow with Jimmy's obvious annoyance. "So are you going to introduce us? Is she another sibling? Or maybe she's just a pet of yours."

Strands of her hair tickled her cheek, but she didn't dare make a move to push them out of the way. The man reminded her of the Ghost who had visited her so many months ago, but there was a difference. Both were possibly equally dangerous, but there were no ties of friendship between this man and Jimmy. Every glance of his was a threat.

"What the f*ck do you want, Killer?" Jimmy folded his arms across his chest. Mary could easily stay behind him protected from view, but Brandon slipped his hand into hers and gave her a tug.

"You have nothing I want." But even as Killer said that, he looked past Jimmy and stared directly at Mary.

Brandon gave her another, harder, tug and she turned away, following after him down a different street of the village. They stopped. They were not far away, but enough that Killer was nowhere near them. Mary felt as if she'd run a great distance. Her heart beat hard in her chest and she was nearly out of breath. She breathed deeply, trying to stop her hands from shaking.

"Who was that?" She looked down at Brandon as she fret her fingers together.

"My brother." He looked up at her, his innocent face both angry and helpless. "My other brother. From my dad. He's from the Lost Territory."

Mary brought a hand up to her mouth as Brandon looked away as if the unwanted brother was his shame. How was it even possible that there was a Lost Lander on this side of the border? Brandon's father was the leader of the Southlands. He and Jimmy had never made a secret about that. But the Southlands worked to keep the border strong, to hold back any Lost Landers that might want to slip through into the Wildlands. So how was it possible that Brandon's father had a child with a Lost Lander?

"I thought they couldn't be here," she said simply rather than attempt to ask Brandon. The leader of the Southlands was a mysterious man even to his son. Mary knew nothing about him as people refused to talk about him unless it was to give new orders passed down from him.

Brandon shrugged. "Jimmy says that he's dangerous. They want to keep an eye on him." His small cheeks appeared to swell as he looked down at the ground. Quietly, he added, "He thinks bad things.

"What do you mean?"

He looked up at her with eyes that looked wounded, as if someone had told him something directly to hurt him. It was easy to forget sometimes that he could catch thoughts and that sometimes it probably was exactly like that.

"He thinks about what he's done. He likes to hurt girls."

The fear in her chest began to harden into painful anger that stuck to her heart. "Was he thinking bad things about me? Is that why you pulled me away?"

Brandon looked up at her. "Yes."

They didn't say anything more. The two of them stayed and waited for Jimmy to find them. Brandon couldn't read Jimmy's thoughts, so there was nothing more to do than to wait. It didn't take long for Jimmy to reappear. By then, a large cloud had moved over the sun and cast a large shadow over most of the town but leaving the far off hills shining in the sunlight.

Jimmy didn't take her hand as they started walking back towards the city, and Mary was still too shaken to reach out for his though she thought about it. She thought about the safety of his hand in hers and the warmth that they would share from their arms occasionally brushing against each other.

Without saying a word or even looking up at her, Brandon slipped his hand into hers and gave it a squeeze.





Intermission Six

Mary placed a mug of hot tea on the table in front of Shawn, who mumbled a thanks as she carefully pulled the mug closer by the handle and leaned back in her chair. Mary took a seat at the small table. The two women sat at her underground kitchen surrounded by bricks and wood. It was late, being after hours, and the only light was a small oil lamp sitting on the table.

Mary kept her own eyes on her steaming mug of tea. It was not a usual thing for Shawn to sit with her and talk to her like an equal, but things had changed since that day Jimmy had requested she go with him and Brandon to the village.

Shawn crossed her legs. "So Killer is gone."

Mary did look up at her then. She hadn't really told Shawn anything about the trip other than the basic topical details of visiting the market and the walk there and back. As far as Mary knew, Shawn had no mind reading abilities, but most people kept their powers hidden if they could.

"I heard you had a run in with him. You and Jimmy and Brandon." Shawn leaned forward enough to put her hands around her cup for warmth though she kept her eyes on Mary. "Jimmy ran him off."

Mary didn't know what to say. She exhaled and tried to relax her muscles. "Only ran him off?"

Shawn smiled at that. "Yes. Killer covered his ass pretty well. It was not Jimmy's first choice to let him live." She glanced down at her own cup and blew on it, dispersing the steam with her breath before she spoke again. "You know, Jimmy's become the official second in command. Just like his father had been. Getting rid of Killer has pretty much sealed it for everyone, including Henri."

There wasn't anything she could say to that. Mary had always known that he would take his place next to the leader.

For a while they sat in silence, sipping at their hot drinks. At some point, Mary became aware that Shawn was no longer drinking, only sitting forward at the table with both hands near her mug staring at Mary.

Mary looked up and met her gaze. "What?"

"You know, he is of a high enough rank to start a family. And he's old enough now."

Mary bit her lip too hard, the extra moisture in her eyes blurred her vision. She had to look away, blinking her eyes to shake off the tears. "I know."

"And yet, he doesn't choose you." Shawn eyed her carefully. "Why do you think that is?"

Mary looked at the wall. Jimmy had a reason for it. He had a reason for everything. "I've never asked."

Shawn let her hands rest on either side of her mug. She leaned forward as if sharing a secret, gossiping with her the way her mother used to gossip with the other women when they were in the village market. "You know why, don't you? You're not jealous and you're not morose. You're far too accepting of it."

Mary stared down at her tea and shook her head.

"You know that you'd be his weakness. People could get at you to get to him. But that's probably not why you wouldn't ask him." Shawn leaned back, the wood of her chair creaked. "I think it's because you realize the opposite is true, too. He's your weakness, and you could just as easily lose him."

She looked at Mary with a steady eye as if waiting for a response, but Mary refused to give her the satisfaction. They sat together in silence, surrounded by the darkness sitting in the corners of the room, their teas slowly cooling.

Shawn pushed her mug forward. The tea inside it almost sloshed over the side of the mug. "Well, I do have to go. Things to do. Thank you for the tea. We should talk again." She stood and smiled down at Mary, so honest and sincere that Mary had to look away from her.

With a nod, she stood to see Shawn to the door. Once Mary was alone, she dumped both of the mugs of tea with a pang of guilt into her small sink. Reheated tea was never as good as fresh tea and now these mugs were both tainted with her bitter disappointment. Her life stretched out before her and it was just more of the same. It would be the exact same for the rest of her life until she died.

But would it be any different if Jimmy were to take her? Mary stood at the sink and imagined living with Jimmy, watching Brandon grow up, having children of their own. Children with her reddish hair and his gray eyes or his brown hair and her brown eyes.

It was at that last thought she gasped and fought for breath against the sudden sobs that shook her body. She put her cold fingers to her eyes to stem the tears, feeling utterly foolish to cry out in the open even if it was her home and she was the only one there, but they would not stop no matter how her chest hurt with every breath or how hard she pushed at her tears until her fingers were wet and had to be dried against her pants. Her own soft sobs seemed to echo against the concrete walls.

Her sobs died down and she felt foolish. She ran the faucet and her pressed cool, wet hands to her hot cheeks. As she held a towel against her face, there was a scuff at the top of the stairs from a heavy soled shoe.

Mary patted at her face, hoping the dim lighting would the evidence of her momentary weakness. She stepped out from the kitchen to greet her visitor and stopped.

He stood at the bottom of the stairs with that grin. His long hair covered his eyes, leaving them nothing more than gaping holes. Already, he was walking towards her, and she was cornered with her back to the kitchen. She didn't dare take another step back. She didn't dare give him any ground.

"Why are you here? You're not supposed to be here." Her voice started strongly, but shrunk to nothing more than a whisper.

There was a flash of his teeth. "He keeps a good eye on that brother of his."

Mary's heart froze at the mention. She knew he couldn't have, he was admitting to it, but still she feared for them. Had this monster tried to hurt them?

He stepped closer to her until he was nearly on her. "The little shit's fine. This is where you come in. We're going to send them a message from me and you."

Mary stepped back and grabbed for one of the knives in the cutting block on the countertop. The entire block fell over with a loud bang as she swiped at him with a knife too large to easily wield. He grabbed her and pushed her back against the counter, that grin still on his face.

"So we're playing with knives." His voice was husky with excitement.

She wouldn’t give her life up easily.





~Intermission End~





Fourteen

Jimmy keeps his hand on the back of my neck as we walk past the people downstairs sitting around fire pits, their eyes hovering over the flames and watching us closely. I don't meet their gazes.

His hand is heavy. He grips the back of my neck tightly as he pushes me ahead so that I can't look back at him or even to the side if I wanted to. I can only look forward or down.

Once we're away from the others in the darker less populated streets, he lets me go, but he doesn't walk up beside me. He doesn't speak even to me. Jimmy stays behind me, his boots scraping along the ground carelessly as he herds me forward into the dark.

I hold onto my bag tightly, though the muscles of my upper arms ache from holding on so tightly. I wish I hadn't agreed to go so easily. I should have let Brandon and Jimmy work it out.

As soon as that thought rises to the surface, I squash it down, terrified of the possibility that Jimmy has the same kind of power Brandon does.

The walk is long and uncomfortable. We move further away from the light of the various fire pits and deeper into darkness, lit only by the moon and the stars.

Strands of hair fall thick in front of my face, sliding from behind my ear. Each inhaled breath draws the shorter strands which then tickle my nose. I have to lift my head and spare a hand from carrying my bag to shove my hair back behind my ear. As I do, I realize that my hand is shaking. Both hands are in fact. Possibly because of the way I'm holding the bag out in front of me, but most likely not.

I pull the duffel close to my body and wrap both my arms around it. Mom used to tell me that not every situation will be something within your power. Sometimes there are just things you have to do and you have no control over how things get done. This is one of those times she was talking about. This is one of those times where the situation is beyond me, but I have a choice. I can either go into it whining and whimpering, or I can face it head on the way my mom would.

So I lift my head, and I remain very conscious of it each time it dips back down. Every time it does, I force myself to look back up and to stare in the direction we're going.

We reach an intersection with old rusty signs and I continue straight, but Jimmy gives a low whistle. I stop and turn back to him, surprised to see him half way smiling.

"This way," He says as he points down the street.

I nod and turn down the street. It looks more abandoned than the others. The buildings are dark and dirty like the ones I could see from Brandon's balcony. The area surrounding us is completely silent. It's just us two walking down this street. My heart pounds when I realize it.

I don't dare turn around and look at Jimmy though the thought does cross my mind that I should ask about where we are and why these buildings look even more abandoned than the other buildings I've seen. My footsteps slow. When Jimmy's fingers brush the back of my neck, I jump. Before I turn around to look at him, his hand is pushing me forward again as he gives a little chuckle.

"Jumpy." His voice is part of the darkness, deep and smooth.

"I don't like the dark." It's an honest confession, but I'm certain that he sees right through it.

His thumb, rough and calloused, runs up the side of my neck and back down. The move makes me hunch my shoulders and shiver. There's no point in trying to hide it. Even if he couldn't see it, with his hand on my neck he would feel the goose bumps on my skin.

We turn into a walkway that leads to a large building with darkened windows. My feet stop, and I'm sure I can go no further. Not with Jimmy. It doesn't appear as if anyone else lives there. There are no lights on. The building could be abandoned for all I know. My thoughts run away with me, and I'm left rooted to the spot, Jimmy's large hand hot against my neck.

He stops behind me but doesn't speak. Not for a minute. Not until it's clear that I'm not moving. "I'm not carrying you."

Good, I don't say, because I'm not going.

Jimmy gives me a shove, one not nearly as hard as he probably could push if he wanted to. When I don't move, he reaches forward and takes my bag from my hands. I nearly bite my lip when he moves towards me like that. Our eyes meet, and he nods towards the door of the abandoned building.

"C'mon."

I shake my head. It's completely possible that he could have lied to Brandon. Maybe Henri isn't waiting there for us.

Jimmy lets out an exasperated sigh before he grabs me and drags me along behind him. I fight myself to not whimper, terrified that he's just leading me to my death in this abandoned building where no one will hear my cry for help and no one would help me if they could hear me.

We reach some stairs and he shoves me ahead of him. Free of his hand, I step up quickly to the second floor. Under my feet the stairs squeak, but when Jimmy steps up after me, the stairs groan under the extra weight of his muscle.

I want to hide, but at the top of the stairs it's even darker. This hallway has only a window at the end of the hall. The silver light peering in through the dirty glass casts shadows on the door handles.

Jimmy touches me again. This time it's his flat hand on my back. I jerk away from his touch, aware that he's just using it to throw me off as if I wasn't already at a disadvantage. But some part of him is probably enjoying it. That cruel part of him. The one that hurts people and calls it all part of his job protecting the others. The side that even Brandon probably doesn't want to see.

He steps in front of me and opens one of the doors. A bright white light blinds and beckons me. Though I know it isn't wise, I follow after Jimmy quickly, determined to get out of the dark.

Just inside the door, I stop and let my eyes adjust. The light isn't a normal oil lamp like Brandon's but a proper electric lamp. In the room it's the only lamp I notice right away. It sits on a table with no cords hanging off it.

Henri steps forward to take my bag from Jimmy who hands it over easily. "That took a while."

Jimmy gives a chuckle. "She's scared of the dark."

The room is sparse just like Brandon's apartment but there's a difference to it. Brandon's had the clean feeling of an apartment that isn't used as if he spent all of his time elsewhere or maybe he just inherited his apartment from someone else. Henri's apartment has things stockpiled from over the course of his life lived here. There are shelves stocked with books and papers askew, sticking out of binders and from between pages. A couple of tables are piled up with newspapers and I'm shocked to see a few yellowing papers from the Neutral side of the border.

Henri looks at me and motions for me to follow him. He opens a door just behind him to a small bedroom and steps inside it, flicking on another lantern for me that sits on a small wooden dresser. I sneak past Jimmy and into the room, taking a step to the side of the door to get out of Jimmy's line of sight.

The room is small, but it is furnished. There's a bed covered with a cream colored knit blanket and an old wooden dresser.

Henri puts my bag on the bed and then turns around to look at me as if this were the first time he's seen me. He holds his lips tightly together, almost in a frown, his bushy brows furrowed low over his eyes. I feel scrutinized, and knowing what I now know about him I feel strange. This is a man who helped start the Revolution if I can believe what I've been told. Maybe it doesn't even matter if I can believe it since everyone else here seems to believe it and revere him.

Henri doesn't move. His eyes fall down to my large grey sweatshirt. "Where did you get that shirt?"

I glance down and give a tug to the bottom of the shirt. "I found it in my bag."

"It was your mother's."

The words seem to come from him involuntarily. Our eyes meet and he seems as surprised as I am. He looks away from me and runs a hand through his hair with a sigh. "Did you eat?"

I nod, but he isn't looking at me. "Yes. At Brandon's."

"Good. Go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow." He still doesn't look at me when he leaves.

I step over to the door and watch him walk away. Jimmy stands in the living room with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes on Henri as he walks out, but I catch them for a moment. For one instant, his gray eyes fall past Henri and on me. I shut the door.

With the door shut, I step away from it and to the duffel on the bed. Despite the somewhat early hour, I'm suddenly exhausted. I slide the duffel off the bed and climb on top, resting my head on the cold pillow. There's one small window, dirty and grimy like the other second floor windows must all be. With the light on, it looks blackened outside, and I don't bother peeking out of it. I'm not even curious about it.

The blanket is very soft and has a fresh scent to it as if it's been washed recently. I run my fingers over the knit covering on the blanket feeling each tiny hole and the semi-soft fabric used to knit it. Each of my breaths moves the tiny hairs on the knit fabric.

I'm here now. With Henri. The thought doesn't comfort me, but I do feel as if I've managed to make it over a hurdle. It could have just been the danger of walking in the dark with Jimmy. That is something I hope to never do again.

There is one thought that concerns me. It floats over the rest even when I try to shake it. Mom saw something in Henri. She must have known him. In the letter, she said I should trust him.

I give a shiver. The air is cold. The lantern doesn't let off any heat and the old window does nothing to keep the cold air on the outside. But it's also that thought which gives way to the realization that Mom knew him. She must have known him all this time and just never told me. It's a secret that she kept from me my entire life.

The thought disturbs me. It's not the same as an outright lie. I'd never asked her if she still saw my father from time to time or still knew him. There were all those times when I'd asked about him, questions that were always in the past tense. She gave me some answers while sometimes skillfully dodging others until I'd just stop asking. And I always did after a while. At the time it didn't really seem important. I didn't really care.

But now there are things I need to know, and I don't know how to find out short of asking him. And if he's anything like my mother, I'm never going to find out. Not from asking him directly.