17.
Everything was screwed up. If my dad were here, he could fix it. Dad knew how to turn regret into something positive. He was smart, inventive, able to reason through problems like no one else. I ached for his advice, the same way Jag ached for his parents, for Pace.
When Jag’s sobs subsided, he turned away from me and folded the blanket.
This silence sucked. “So, what now?”
“I’m tired,” Jag said.
“And I’m still starving.”
He rummaged in the pack and tossed me a black-wrapped bar. A TravelTreat—a really old one. Before peeling back the wrapper, I wondered when he’d last replenished his hideout food supply. As soon as I bit into fruit and nut bar (disgusting), I knew it had been a very long time. But it tasted better than emptiness. Jag lay down while I crunched my way through the bar. He didn’t seem to be in a rush to go anywhere.
But I was. “We’re getting the hell out of here. I’m not living in the forest in a microscopic tree house.”
Jag smiled, but it didn’t carry its usual winning quality. “It’s better than prison.”
I snorted. “Marginally.”
Jag closed his eyes.
A lurch of panic hit my stomach. Was he seriously taking a nap? “We’re not safe here.”
“Probably not.”
“And that’s okay with you?” Where was the leader of the Resistance? I couldn’t make the Dream Jag who’d seemed so in charge mesh with this Melancholy Jag in front of me.
He opened his eyes. They had a spark back. Finally. “Of course not. What do you suggest?”
“Anything! Anything would be better than sitting here in the forest waiting to be caught.”
“You said that tag wasn’t activated.”
“That’s what Baldie said. But I don’t trust him, just like I don’t trust anyone.”
Jag’s mouth twitched with a tiny smile. “Not even me?”
I hesitated. Did I trust him? Could I? Jag opened his mouth, but I spoke first. “I trust you.”
“Took you long enough.”
“Sometimes you’re an—”
“We can control people,” Jag interrupted before I could get the insult out. “Whole cities of people. So yeah, we’re not safe. We’re wanted now—by Thane and his Association of Directors.”
I could control other people? I tried to work up enough saliva to swallow. I put my hand on my face, and it felt too hot. I sputtered when I realized I hadn’t been breathing.
Jag put his hand on my back. “You okay?”
Unable to speak, I nodded. The TravelTreat waged war with my insides. I didn’t want to run a city. I didn’t want to be in control of anyone.
“It’s duty or death,” Jag said, leaning back and closing his eyes. “Controlling people, I mean. That’s the world we live in. Duty or death.”
“So . . . you’re saying they want us dead or on their side.”
Jag shrugged, which I interpreted as a yes. He was right—both of those weren’t stellar options. No wonder Thane kept whispering in my head. At least I knew he didn’t want to kill me.
“So, uh, do you hear voices?” I asked.
His eyes snapped open. “No. Do you?”
I might have told him, if he didn’t look and sound like hearing voices was the absolute worst thing that could happen to a person. “No, no,” I said, maybe a little too quick. “I mean, I did in the Goodgrounds—sometimes—with all the transmissions floating in the air.” I hated lying to him, but I’d just spilled about the tag. I could tell him about the voice later. Much later.
“Well, let’s get out of here,” I said. “How far is Seaside?”
“Night is the safest time to travel. We should rest while we can. It’s a long walk to the oceanic region. Probably a couple of weeks.”
When I fell asleep that afternoon, I was thinking of Zenn trapped in the Special Forces compound. He should be coming with us. Smoke clouded my head, but not the kind from the Fire Region. This smoke swirled and turned blue, forming into people.
Zenn and I were walking. Little things weren’t right. The Abandoned Area loomed in front of us, which meant we were out of bounds. He wasn’t wearing his hat. Deep shadows bordered his eyes.
“You look tired,” I said as we walked through the premorning light.
He caught my hand in his on the next step. “I don’t sleep anymore.”
I glanced behind me, afraid that someone would see us touching. “Ever?”
He shook his head sadly. “If I sleep, I have to plug in. If I don’t . . .”
I nodded, a silent confession that I didn’t plug in anymore either. He’d stopped listening to the transmissions way before me. He’d still been chosen for the Special Forces. The way he glanced at me, the careful way he touched me, told me he still wanted to be with me.
Another memory awakened, but someone elbowed me before it could play out.
“Vi! Wake up,” Jag said.
Opening my eyes, I could only see white. “Holy tech overload.”
“Zenn’s here,” Jag whispered.
Silence pressed into my ears. The techtricity advanced slowly, causing bolts of lightning to ignite in my brain. I couldn’t see anything.
“Shoes,” Jag whispered, handing me my sneakers.
Blind, I pulled them on. “How do you know about Zenn?” I wondered if he’d tell me the truth—that he’s known Zenn for years.
“You were talking about him just now,” he said. “Something about the transmissions and the Forces.”
“How do you know he’s here?” Thankfully, my vision started to clear.
“Someone called his name.”
My heart leapt. “I’ll talk to him. He won’t hurt me.” I crawled toward the exit.
Jag seized my arm. “Yes, he will. He’s one of Them now.” His words carried a hint of bitterness. Obviously Zenn wasn’t a spy anymore, and part of me felt relief. At least he wouldn’t be in danger from playing both sides.
But if he was all good now, he’d do what he’d been trained to do—take out the Baddies. It didn’t matter that it was me—the first girl he’d kissed and his best friend for five years. After all, he hadn’t told me about working for Jag’s Resistance.
And the Special Forces trained the humanity out of a person. Even though he’d only been there a few months, the Zenn I’d walked with in the park had been different. A brainwashed different.
I needed to see him, talk to him. He could come west with us, be free from the Forces, become my Zenn again. “Is Zenn alone?” I asked Jag.
“No.” Jag helped me put the backpack on. He took both my hands in his. “We have to stay together. We have a better chance of surviving if we stay together.”
“What does that—?” I began.
“Later. We’ve got to climb higher.”
“Higher?”
“Yeah.” He helped me with the backpack as it jammed against a limb. “All the way.”
So much of me wanted to go down, go to Zenn, especially since heights aren’t my thing. But up I went.
“That’s good,” Jag said after what felt like an hour of climbing.
“Where am I supposed to sit?” I gripped the branches so tightly the bark pierced my fingertips. If I fell, I’d kill the stupid bad boy for making me climb up here.
Jag scooted around the trunk of the tree. He sat on a branch and leaned back like he’d done this many times. I chose the limb slightly higher than his and nearly fell as I tried to shrug out of the backpack. Jag took it and looped a strap over a broken branch.
“Now what?” I asked.
“Now we wait.”
Yeah, waiting isn’t my thing either.
“I think you better tell me everything,” he said. Even though I sat above him, his gaze penetrated the navy darkness. We’d been living in the dark so much, my eyes had grown used to seeing without light.
“Like what?” I asked.
“Come on.” He sighed. “Who Ty is, and Zenn, and just about you. I’ve told you everything—”
“Not true,” I interrupted.
“Everything about me,” Jag said, covering my protest, “and, well, bawled my eyes out, and you’ve only told me two sentences about your dad.”
Yeah, he hadn’t told me everything—at least not while awake. “I don’t like talking about myself.”
“Too damn bad.”