Isle of Man

CHAPTER 18

Outside Looking In



The door is unlocked when I wake.

I peek my head out, but the hall is empty.

Downstairs, I find Riley setting up the breakfast room, preparing for the day. He nods and says good morning, but mentions nothing about yesterday. After a quiet meal by myself of toast and eggs and tea, I wander outside. The camp is just waking up. A man stretching outside his tent yawns and waves at me. Another darts for the outhouse.

Inside the courtyard, the empty bleachers are littered with scraps of paper from yesterday’s betting. I sit and watch the pool of shadow disappear in the court below as the sun climbs in the sky, its warmth drawing a mist off the damp concrete.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

I’m startled by the voice and look up to see Bree sitting in the shade across from me.

“I like to come and see it like this,” she says. “In the morning. When it’s just a blank slate, and anything is possible.”

“Why does it mean so much to you? Winning, I mean.”

“It’s a huge honor,” she says. “The greatest honor on the island. We grow up idolizing past winners.”

“But why such an honor?” I ask. “Isn’t it just a game?”

“Just a game?” She shakes her head. “You guys must really have grown up isolated. After the fall harvest, we all gather here to pick the strongest athlete among us. The person who will be the island’s protector through the winter.”

“Then why would you help Jimmy?”

“Because I only want to win if I’m truly the best. You look like you’re feeling better today,” she adds, changing the subject.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just that Jimmy was worried about you.”

“What do you care, anyway? All you care about is a stupid game. You don’t even know anything about me or Jimmy.”

“Maybe not,” she says. “But I know Jimmy was wrong.”

“Wrong about what?”

“Wrong about me liking you.”

She stands and walks away.

I sit for a long time by myself, just thinking about things. Eventually, people begin wandering in and taking seats. They avoid me, sitting as far away as possible until the bleachers are fairly crowded, leaving a wide, empty space on either side of me. I get up and walk out, brushing past Jimmy on his way into the courtyard.

“Good luck,” I mumble.

He stops and turns.

“Ya really mean it?”

I look at him, his face genuine and kind, his brows lifted, waiting for my reply, hoping I’m still on his side. He does look happy for the first time since the cove. It’s impossible to stay mad at him.

“Yeah, I mean it,” I say. “Good luck in there.”

His eyes sparkle with excitement. “Thanks, Aubrey.”

I can hear the balls cracking against the wall all day. When nobody is around inside, I try the statue room door, but it’s locked now. With everyone engrossed in the games, and Junior out running with the deerhounds, of which he quickly seems to be becoming one himself, I’m left by myself with nothing to do but think. Think and feel sad. I don’t know what to do.

The room where Riley brought Jimmy and me that first night in the castle seems to be the only place I can’t hear the cracking balls, so I sit and stare at the patterns of the rug, trying to make them fit together in my mind like puzzle pieces. Angus comes in a few times and adds wood to the fire, but he doesn’t say a word, of course, because he’s mute. Later, Riley brings in tea service and a platter of food and sets them on the table for me, smiling uncomfortably as he bows and takes his leave. But I’m not hungry, and I let the food sit uneaten.

I feel like a crazy person. Like I’m outside looking in. Like everyone is watching me from a distance, concerned but also afraid. I’m surrounded by people, but I’ve never felt so alone.

When I stand to leave, I catch my reflection in the window and realize that I look like a crazy person too. My hair is wild and unkempt, having been slept on several nights now without a bath, and my face is gaunt from hardly eating these last two days. I trudge upstairs, lie on my bed, and stare at the ceiling, watching a spider inch its way across it toward the far wall for who knows what spidery purpose.

Several hours later, the door opens, and Jimmy comes in. He flops onto the bed next to me and sighs.

“Man, am I beat.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask, sensing him looking at me, but not taking my eyes off the ceiling.

“I guess they needed my room for someone,” he says. “So now we’re bunkin’ together.”

“You mean they put us together so you can keep an eye on me?” After several minutes without an answer from Jimmy, I add: “How’d you do in the games today?”

Jimmy props himself up on his elbow and looks at me.

“You really wanna know?”

“I asked, didn’t I?”

“I did it,” he says, smiling. “I made it into the finals for tomorrow. Check out my hand.”

His palm is swollen, a puss-drenched piece of string threaded through an enormous blister.

“Bree used a needle to pull the string through. She said it’ll help drain it overnight without tearin’ the skin. Smart, huh?”

“Pretty smart,” I say, hating to admit it.

“Will you come watch tomorrow?”

“Come on, Jimmy ...”

“It’d mean a lot to me.”

“We came here to get the encryption key, remember? Not to compete in their silly island games. Geez. I can’t figure out if it’s me who’s gone crazy or everyone else.”

“I know, I know,” Jimmy says, rolling off his elbow onto his back. “You’s right to be mad at me, too. How ’bout we make a deal? You watch the match tomorrow, then I’ll help ya find that hand, and we can see if there’s even anythin’ inside.”

“What do you mean: if there’s anything inside?”

“I jus’ dun’ see how you hide anythin’ in a marble statue.”

“Well, how hard would it be to drill a hole in it and insert a chip or something and then seal it up again? Think about it?”

“Jus’ come watch the games, and then I’ll help you.”

“Will you leave with me once we get the hand back?”

He takes a deep breath.

“I cain’t promise you that, Aubrey. But I ain’t made up my mind yet, neither. But you’s right about your people underground. They deserve to be set free. So after the tournament I’ll help ya get that key. Then maybe we can send the professor back with it and both stay here.”

There’s no way I’m doing that, I think. But I decide to take the small victory and worry about convincing Jimmy to come back with me later.

“Okay. I’ll watch tomorrow, but as soon as it’s done, you gotta help me get the hand. Everyone around here is watching me like I might hurt myself or something.”

“Would you?”

“Would I hurt myself?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Hey, ya did it once before.”

“You mean the river?”

“Yeah.”

“That was different.”

“Okay,” he says.

“Hey, what did Finn say after he caught me?”

“What’d he say?”

“Yeah, what’d he say about me breaking off the hand? I mean, did he seem to know that something might be hidden in it? Did he appear to know about the encryption key?”

“I dun’ think so,” Jimmy says. “When I got there, he was jus’ looking at the statue. shakin’ his head. He asked me, ‘What in hell’s got into that kid?’ He has Angus workin’ on fixin’ it now, but that ain’t gonna be easy the way you tore it up.”

“I hope Angus doesn’t work too hard,” I say. “Because I’m going to get my hands on it and smash it to pieces anyway.”

A long time passes with us lying side by side, looking up at the ceiling.

Then Jimmy says: “Ya want me to take the floor?”

“No, we can share the bed. It isn’t like we haven’t spooned before. To keep warm on the mountain. Remember?”

“Yeah,” he says. “I remember. Seems so long ago.”

“You ever wish you could go back?”

“Go back where? Why?”

“I don’t know. Just go back and do things differently.”

“Sometimes I do. Mostly when I think about my family.”

“Yeah, me too,” I say. “Me too.”