Not that this stops Mom from hoping to be there when it near-inevitably does. She was one of the first true Irwins, and old habits die hard, when they die at all. Shouldering her purse, she gave me a disapproving look. ?Could you at least pretend to comb your hair?? she asked. ?It looks like you have a hedgehog nesting on your head.?
?That?s the look I was going for,? I said. Mom is blessed with sleek, well-behaved ash blonde hair that started silvering gracefully when Shaun and I were ten. Dad has practically no hair left, but when he had it, it was a muted Irish red. I, on the other hand, have thick, dark brown hair that comes in two settings: long enough to tangle, and short enough to look like I haven?t brushed it in years. I prefer the short version.
Shaun?s hair is a little lighter than mine, but still brown, and when he keeps it short, no one can tell that his is straight and mine wants to curl. It helps us get away with just saying we?re twins, rather than going into the whole messy explanation.
Mom sighed. ?You two realize the odds are good that someone already knows you got the assignment, and you?re going to get swarmed tonight, yes??
?Mmm-hmmm,? I said. ?Someone? probably received a quick phone call from one or both of our parents, and ?someone? was probably already waiting at the restaurant. We grew up with the ratings game.
?Looking forward to it,? said Shaun. He?s better at playing nice with our parents than I am. ?Every site that runs my picture tonight is five more foxy ladies around the country realizing that they want to hit the road with me.?
?Pig,? I said, and punched him in the arm.
?Oink,? he said. ?It?s all right, we know the drill. Smile pretty for the cameras, show off my scars, let George and Dad look wise and trustworthy, pose for anyone who asks, and don?t try to answer any questions with actual content.?
?Whereas I don?t smile unless forced, stay behind my sunglasses, and make a point of how incisive and hard-hitting every report I approve for release is going to be,? I said, dryly. ?We let Buffy babble to her heart?s content about the poetic potential of traveling around the country with a bunch of political yahoos who think we?re idiots.?
?And we make the front page of every alpha site in the country, and our ratings go up nine points overnight,? Shaun said.
?Thus allowing us to announce the formation of our own site early next week, just before heading out on the campaign trail.? I slid my sunglasses down my nose, ignoring the way the light stung as I offered a brief smile. ?We?ve thought about this as much as you have.?
?Maybe more,? Shaun added.
Dad laughed. ?Face it, Stacy, they?ve got it covered. Kids, just in case there isn?t another chance for me to tell you this, your mother and I are very proud of you. Very proud of you, indeed.?
Liar. ?We?re pretty proud of us, too,? I said.
?Well, then,? Shaun said, clapping his hands together. ?This is touching and all, but come on?let?s go eat.?
Getting out of the house is easier with our parents in tow, largely because Mom?s minivan is kept ready at all times. Food, water, a CDC-certified biohazard containment unit for temperature-sensitive medications, a coffeemaker, steel-reinforced windows? We could be trapped inside that thing for a week, and we?d be fine. Except for the part where we?d go crazy from stress and confinement and kill each other before rescue came. When Shaun and I go into the field, we need to check our gear, sometimes twice, to make sure it?s not going to let us down. Mom just grabs her keys.
Buffy was waiting at her neighborhood guard station, dressed in an eye-popping combination of tie-dyed leggings and knee-length glitter tunic, with star-and-moon hologram clips in her hair. Anyone who didn?t know her would have thought she was completely devoid of sense, fashion or common. That?s what she was aiming for. Buffy travels with more hidden cameras than Shaun and I combined. As long as people are busy staring at her hair, they don?t wonder why she?s so careful about pointing the tiny jewels she has pasted to her nails in their direction.
She waved and grabbed her duffel bag when the van pulled up. Then she ran to hop into the back with Shaun and me. The footage of that moment would be on the site within the hour.
?Hey, Georgia. Hey, Shaun?good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Mason,? she chirped, buckling herself in while Shaun slammed the door. ?I just finished watching your trip to Colma, Mrs. Mason. Really great stuff. I would never have thought to elude a bunch of zombies by climbing a high-dive platform.?
?Why, thank you, Georgette,? said Mom.
?Thrill as Buffy kisses ass,? Shaun said, deadpan. Buffy shot him a poisonous look, and he just laughed.
Content that all was right with the world, I settled back in my seat, folded my arms across my chest, and closed my eyes, letting the chatter in the van wash over me without registering it. It had been a long day, and it was nowhere near over.